Buu c'mon I'm doing this text to speech thing

“Just read this fucker and take it to court.”

“Tone down your depositions, A-hole.” 

“He may be a buffoon and a fool, but by God he was innocent.”

*grumble grumble* “Sexist bastards.” 

“I don’t want to come into work without teeth!”

“That asshole better stop fucking with my client or else I’m gonna…”

“There are only two pears left. I’m naming them Adam and Eve.”

“Organic seaweed? What the hell is organic seaweed?”

“You asking me fishing?… fuck YES I’m there!”

“When the weather gets hot, I just step out on my back porch and pour water over my head for an hour or two. Works every time.”

“He is an artist. Use of Comic Sans in legal documents is his creative outlet.”

“Throw some Wingdings on that shit.”

“What does a person have to do to get a fucking cob salad around here?” 

“I’m trying to decide if I should go insane and body-pump or go home and sleep.”

“You can’t just ring a bell, un-ring it, and then ring it again.”

“We lost. We lost big time. But it’s okay. I’m good. It’s cool. I’ve got whiskey. I’m good.”

*applying lipstick to go to the gym* “What kind of a crazy woman wears lipstick to the gym??”

“Are you going to shut up and FISH today?” 

“Do you know of any pet friendly cafes? I’m meeting an attorney tomorrow and he’ll have his non-service hunting dog along. Don’t ask why.”

“Publicly, I agree. Personally, I think it’s chickenshit.”

“Keto diet? Is that like for chemo? Ohmygod do you have cancer?!??”

“I don’t have a circle on mine. Where’s my circle?”

“Don’t judge my printouts. Paper is a renewable resource.”

“The stapler has been compromised.” 

“You know that one case? The one with the person from the company whose doing some crazy stuff?”

“I wasn’t fishing. I was lawyer-ing. Much less exciting.”

“For a priest, he’s kind of an asshole.”

“Brownies and bourbon? Sounds like my kinda party!”

chica does not perish. she isn’t hurt at all, in fact. all she does is just…stumble back, her eyes widening a little. the robot quickly regains her balance, though,, and looks at the…pink thing in front of her for a second, before speaking.

“ well, that wasn’t very nice'a ya! ”

the movements of her mouth don’t line up with her words very well. but what else do you expect from an animatronic?

Videl: *incoherent whispering*

Hercule: What?

Videl: You have to be over 18 to hold the puppies at petco.

bulbasaur: does your muse enjoy staying outside?

charmander: is your muse popular? do they enjoy it, or want to achieve it?

squirtle: is your muse part of a team, or a gang?

chikorita: is your muse jealous? of who or what?

cyndaquil: does your muse open up easily, or are they shy?

totodile: is your muse considerable energetic?

treecko: is your muse a solitary person, or do they like having a large group of friends?

torchic: does your muse enjoy fighting?

mudkip: what meme could better describe your muse?

turtwig: what’s your muse favorite weather?

chimchar: how active is your muse?

piplup: is your muse a show-off?

snivy: is your muse snobby? 

tepig: what’s your muse favorite dish?

oshawott: what would your muse do to protect those they care for?

chespin: is your muse a pacifist?

fennekin: what does your muse think of magic and the paranormal?

froakie: is there someone your muse considers very similar to themselves?

rowlett: is your muse considerable fashionable?

litten: how easy is it for your muse to get angry?

popplio: is your muse a good singer?

grookey: what’s your muse favorite music genre?

scorbunny: is your muse into sports? which ones?

sobble: does your muse cry easily?

pikachu: who’s your muse’s best friend?

35 starters || TW: violence/death || suggestive

« i can’t wait to have a fucking battle with you. »

« i was expecting more from you. »

« i don’t know if i feel comfortable with you getting changed in front of me. it’s a little weird. »

« sorry, i’m a little angry. can you tell? »

« i got your shirt. i’m wearing your shirt dude. »

« we need a little spiceness. spice it up a little bit. »

« i’m fucking moving out of this town. this is bullshit. »

« you standing there? it’s just the creepiest shit. »

« we’re going to make the world dark and scary. »

« what will happen if i press this button? what can go wrong? »

« i’m gonna go rob his house now. »

« why are you naked? »

« they’ll never find the bodies. »

« put some fucking clothes, you’re like, naked. »

« you scare the shit out of me sometimes but i have a gift for you. »

« get the fuck out of my town! »

« you can’t just do that! you can’t just DRAW your own driver licence! »

« god damnit, you tricked me! »

« i thought this was going into a different direction. »

« you’re weird. but i like that, at least you’re not a douchebag. »

« this birthday party sucks. this birthday party SUCKS! »

« everyone’s been kinda mean to me, and using me to accomplish their goals… »

« did you just threaten me?! »

« this could go in a weird direction. »

« excuse me? I’M sloppy seconds?! »

« we’re gonna take a one way ticked to fucking tittycity today! »

« so, this is boobs. »

« yes! this is the best moment ever! »

« stop with this TV show nonsense and get a real job. »

« it’s a cursed item. for real. »

« now it’s not the time! i’m running from a fucking scorpion!! »

« i know what you’re doing, you’re trying to butter me up. »

« do you have any knives? »

« y'know when you run into someoneyou never want to see again? »

“If I see one more heart, I’m going to hurt someone.”

“Roses are red, violets are blue…Go to hell, fuck you.”

“Why can’t I just NOT be single this year?”

“I think Cupid just slapped me in the face…”

“How about you come over so we can watch bad rom coms and make fun of them?”

“It’s totally not pathetic that I’m on Tinder/Grindr right now…”

“I HATE Valentine’s Day.”

“This holiday is nothing but capitalistic propaganda anyway.”

“Valentine’s Day is a web of lies.”

“The only good thing about it is that once it’s over, all of the chocolate goes on sale.”

“Cupid is a douchebag.”

His face scrunched up for a moment, before returning back to a wild grin. He agreed. People taste good! Especially when they were turned into candy! But Hercule keeps saying he shouldn’t do that. He never said anything about trees or flowers though!

Then, the question. He’s more than happy to answer that question 

“Koooooooooooh, sho shaha uhahahu! Kia haha hohohuu!”

<No, Buu destroyed earth! Buu killed all earthlings, too!>

He scratched his head.

“Choh… shaaa keeheehah! Kehehaaahoooo! Kaaah… cheehoho.”

<But… I got bored! And Hercule took Buu in with other Buu. Ugh… Buu annoys Buu.>

Huh.

She shared his wicked, toothy grin. Didn’t take a genius to see what that smile meant. Her eyes wandered over to the city juuuust once more before she shrugged it off entirely. She couldn’t do it even if she wanted to.

Which, well, she did. But she couldn’t.

Another grin, then, as she chattered and zapped another flower. In that went.

“Koh! Kehaha shaaa.”

<That Buu annoys everyone. Too nice!>

“Shaaaa… cheeho coh?”

<Buu fight Goku and win? Buu strong.>

She knew what was meant to happen. Technically speaking, in her own timeline, it might happen to her one day. She didn’t like to think about that though. She wouldn’t do it even if she had to, either. Vivi was too important to her.

“Koko... kee hahahahahaha!”

<Goku... he not stand a chance!>

He laughed to himself, remembering back in the Land of the Kais. It could have been so easy to end it all. Had that other Buu not gotten to his head beforehand, it would have ended differently. But it didn’t. And something in there changed. Was it guilt? Maybe.

“Haakoo ohaha shaaaa! Sheeeaaaho kahaha!”

<Hercule the only one who get me! Only decent earthling, not gross!>

He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead. The Majin kept repeating that in his head for a bit. He’s dead. He can’t control you anymore. You’re stronger than him even so. And… her too?

He… he hurt her too. Controlled her, just like he did to him. He’s not alone.

Deep breaths in… out… and he’s not screaming anymore.

He shook his head around, comically fast, before losing track of that subject completely… what was he doing again? Oh yeah! Eating flowers like some weird kid. He picked a flower, and then… ate it. BLEH. Gross. He spat it out, the flower covered in spit, missing a petal

“Sha kokako! Ka shuuuu…”

<Flower pretty! But gross…>

He whipped his antenna in front of him, firing a beam at the slobbery flower. A pink ray engulfed it, before it turned into what looked like a chocolate flower. He picked it up, before shoving it in his mouth.

Whew!

She giggled as Buu decided to eat a flower. She’d been there too! Well, considering the easiest way for them to gauge anything was to eat it, that wasn’t too surprising really. But she did still have questions, now he’d calmed down. She floated over lazily, legs crossed under her. She hovered across from him and one of her own pigtails zapped a flower. Much like his act, it became a tiny chocolate replica, which the other pigtail wrapped around and stuffed into her mouth. “Shaaa… Kooh aha. Kakoo shuuu.” She jabbered. For a moment her eyes roamed to West City before she glanced back.

<Flowers… taste okay. People better.>

She honestly wasn’t very big into candy. Weird, right? She cocked her head as another thought crossed her mind. She hummed - may as well ask.

“Koooh aha shaaa shuu. Shaaaa uhuhu kaaahaa.”

Then, the question. He’s more than happy to answer that question 

“Koooooooooooh, sho shaha uhahahu! Kia haha hohohuu!”

<No, Buu destroyed earth! Buu killed all earthlings, too!>

He scratched his head.

“Choh... shaaa keeheehah! Kehehaaahoooo! Kaaah... cheehoho.”

Bibidi. The mere mention of that name made him stop. She knew Bibidi, but… hated him. But they were the same, but… Bibidi! That stupid wizard… but she was from somewhere far away.

She knew him! That was the one thing that kept pervading his mind! He didn’t so much as register the rest of her sentence, since the mere mention of that puny magician set his fight or flight response into action. He didn’t want to go back to being a tool! He couldn’t go back! As much as he loved to destroy things… he was used, over and over. He’s not going back. He can’t. Not after all this time!

“SHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! KOKOKAAAHAKEE!“ He seemed to be in some sort of… odd state. It was obvious that this version of the infamous Majin was far different from… well, normal. He was absolutely flipping out over the mention of his former master, sweat dripping from his forehead. “SHOAAHAA!”

His breathing was heavy at this point, he seemed to be absolutely freaking out over just the one word.

<NO, NO, NO, NO NO NO NO NO!! HE BAD, HE USE BUU! NO GO BACK!>

Whelp. I mean, she understood. She… yeah, she felt it. A stab of pity. She’d been in his shoes more than the once. But to see Buu like this? No, this absolutely was different.  The fun thing about timelines, branches, splinters - you never knew what you’d get. So she did what any Majin would do. She yelled at him, waving her arms enthusiastically to hammer it home.

“SHAA! KOKAHEE! SHA! /SHA/!” She stomped a foot. The surrounding ground rumbled under the force and she was fairly sure a window on a farmhouse shattered somewhere in the distance.

<NOT BIBIDI. HATE BIBIDI. HATE. USED TO CONTROL ME TOO. /DEAD/. DEAD. BUU SAFE. PLUM SAFE.>

He... he hurt her too. Controlled her, just like he did to him. He’s not alone.

Deep breaths in... out... and he’s not screaming anymore.

He shook his head around, comically fast, before losing track of that subject completely... what was he doing again? Oh yeah! Eating flowers like some weird kid. He picked a flower, and then... ate it. BLEH. Gross. He spat it out, the flower covered in spit, missing a petal

“Sha kokako! Ka shuuuu...”

<Flower pretty! But gross...>

Yes! This energy, it was so… similar! It’s almost surreal. It’s like the Majin was in two places at once! One place, standing just across from him, another being him, where he was. He never, however, not once, seen this person before. She’s new, yet familiar. Unknown, yet… similar. So, so similar. Did Bibidi have a backup plan? And if so, why make the backup so similar?

Not that it mattered much. It was fascinating. Familiarity wasn’t something he was too used to aside from a few people. He stared for a moment, before giving an equally crazed response.

“SHAAA! Shoh, Kyehahahee!” It was like some child was having a shouting fit. In another language, however, it surely made perfect sense. Communication truly was a strange thing. Earthlings communicated with words and meaning, but the Majin, truly, spoke with nothing but intent. “Kehaaahahaha! Kohoh?”

<Buu! Yes, I am Buu! But me not know you! Who you?>

His head tilted up. She knew him? Then how did he not know her? Has she been following him? If so, why? If not, then how? All these questions were swirling about his head. Surely, he should get some answers. And if not? Force was always an option.

Oh, she felt it. That promise of violence. It was almost intoxicating. She grinned, all fangs. She knew. They weren’t Saiyans, but destruction - oh that bound them together. They could, couldn’t they? It would be so easy. It was feel so good. This planet. A few more. All of them, forever- She snapped herself out of it with a small huff. No, she couldn’t. Sadly. Even a fight risked harming this planet - neither of them would really hold back if they got into it properly. It would be insulting if they did.

She knew him! That was the one thing that kept pervading his mind! He didn’t so much as register the rest of her sentence, since the mere mention of that puny magician set his fight or flight response into action. He didn’t want to go back to being a tool! He couldn’t go back! As much as he loved to destroy things... he was used, over and over. He’s not going back. He can’t. Not after all this time!

“SHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! KOKOKAAAHAKEE!" He seemed to be in some sort of... odd state. It was obvious that this version of the infamous Majin was far different from... well, normal. He was absolutely flipping out over the mention of his former master, sweat dripping from his forehead. “SHOAAHAA!”

His breathing was heavy at this point, he seemed to be absolutely freaking out over just the one word.