𝑖'𝑚 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑑

                                       “ i am clawing myself into negative                                       space, a creature of only absences. ”

(   *  💀 /  hafsanur sancaktutan, cis woman, she/her )  —  is that alecto carrow i just saw rushing down the corridor? i hear they’re a twenty year old ravenclaw, returning for their sixth school year, but their friends would tell you that they are poised & resourceful as well as over-cautious & proud. if you want to know more about them, i guess i could tell you that they’re pureblood, and from what i hear, they’re currently allying with the the death eaters. when our divination professor looks into their crystal ball, they see: jeweled daggers tucked into frothy skirts like a secret; gilt edged pages on well-worn books; a cold shiver on the cusp of winter, hidden with a smile ( no one can know you feel anything ); the repetitive motion of a brush through hair, the one routine you won’t let time corrupt; beautiful jewelry draped across your throat as if anything could protect your weak spots.  —  ( zoe, she/her, 23, cst  )  

CONTENT WARNINGS:   death of a close family member, mourning, parental neglect, manipulation, alcohol use  ADDITIONAL MATERIALS:   alecto’s playlist,  connections,  stats page,  &  pinterest board  

“ if other students need prefect escorts,  should us prefects then only be escorted by the head students and professors? “   alecto mused,  sidling up to bellatrix with the shadow of a teasing smile curving over her lips.   it seemed a ridiculous question to pose,  but,  when posed with enough lightness,   she figured it would give any prying ears around her and bellatrix an explanation for her stealing the slytherin away.   it was all  well & good  to escort people who needed it,  but if she asked bellatrix to escort her someplace,   alecto thought she might almost be able to pretend they were just two students walking to class by choice.               well,  only if bellatrix agreed to join her,  of course.                       but alecto seldom bet on people saying no to her.   with the face she had?   the winning smile she paired with all requests?   come on;  it just didn’t make sense.   

“ seems like you’d be doing me a real favor to escort me to defense against the dark arts,  bellatrix, “   alecto went on,  tone now taking on a lilting sweetness that seemed,  if nothing else,  to mock the request she was using it for.   “ and you do know how I so hate asking people for favors,   so it must really be worth leaving everyone else here to find their own way to their next class. “

“ it’s a real drag,  about quidditch matches being cancelled,  wouldn’t you say? “   alecto cocked a commiserating brow pandora’s way as the two made an attempt to weave through halls that seemed doubly crowded,  now.   everyone seemed to be doing their best to comply with the new rules;  or,  at the least,  doing their best to seem to be complying with them.   that meant that now there were even more huddles of people clogging the pathways,  whole groups of people trying to stick close to whomever they were attached to as an escort.                    she was,  in fact,  half certain that there were a small,  clustered group of fourth years tailing the two of them as they walked to their next class.   they hadn’t asked alecto to escort them,  but,  whatever.                           some of the rules felt stupid anyway,  and that was why.   the cluster would likely peel away from them long before she and pandora finished the trek to ancient runes.  

“ of course,  I’m still glad to be able to practice,  but it feels a right shame that we won’t get to face off on the pitch any time soon,  given   …   “   alecto glanced around with a wrinkled nose before glancing back at pandora,  brow raised once again.   “   …   well,  given all of this. “ 

alecto strode,  confident,  past the still - full tables in the great hall,  doing her best to look like she had places to be and should not,  under any circumstances,  be stopped.   she’d taken to arriving early to breakfast,   daintily scarfing down enough sustenance to last her until she had time for lunch,  and leaving before hordes of over - frightened first years could ask her to shuffle with them towards three different common rooms.   it felt a little like throwing the other teachers,  not to mention the professors,  to the wolves;   and yet,  somehow,  alecto found she was mostly fine with that.             she’d waste an hour or two walking people back to their common room after dinner just fine,   end up late to every one of her classes as she ended up needing to stop at several other classrooms before her own   —   but this time after breakfast was sacred.    

                    newly sacred,  but sacred nonetheless.   

it felt just her luck,  then,  that sturgis seemed to be exiting the great hall at the same time she was.   and given that most everyone else was still eating,  she bit her tongue on a curse and turned towards the gryffindor,   smiling brightly with faint murder in her eyes.   “ hi,  sturgis,  was it?   are you needing an escort back to your common room? “   

alecto was,  at this point in her life,  accustomed to floating to & from most places with only the most pleasant of expressions gracing her features.   not a smile,  of course   —   you kind of looked like an idiot if you walked around fucking smiling at everything and everyone,  and an idiot alecto was not.   but people liked you more if you looked generally pleasant,  so alecto took strides to seem generally pleasant.                  that goal was becoming more and more taxing as the seconds ticked past the new world order here in the castle.   alecto missed club meetings,  and quidditch,  and not having to escort people places whenever there weren’t any other options around. 

                          she did wonder if she counted as her own escort;   hadn’t bothered to ask.  

alecto liked alice,  generally speaking.   as much as she figured you could like an ex.   that didn’t mean she relished being the only prefect leaving this class going in the same direction as her.   she tried for something more than a mere pleasant look when she glanced at alice,   though she wondered if the smile didn’t seem a little force.   “ how are you holding up?   it feels like it’s been simply ages since we’ve caught up. “

𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒘     —      moodboard 002

“ dearest lucius, “   alecto said,  a teasing smile on her face to match the sweetly wicked tone of her words.   “ I do believe I might enjoy having an escort back to ravenclaw tower, “   she continued,   darting an amused gaze around the collection of their fellow students also departing the debate club’s meeting.   her  years - long  friendship with lucius was excellent for a great many things   —   chief among them,  the fact that they could go from snapping short barbs at each other one day,  and getting together to share those barbs about others the next.   all the clashing personalities at debate club meetings certainly gave them plenty of material.  and with so much   …   well,   ‘ doom and gloom ‘   felt a rather callous way to summarize the death of a professor,  but still.   it was nice to have something more lighthearted to talk about.   “ if only so we can   —   discuss today’s meeting. “  

alecto was big enough to admit that she was bone tired,  and big enough to admit she probably looked it,  too.   tonight’s round of patrolling had taken a lot out of her   —   she wanted nothing more than to be back in ravenclaw tower,  curled up in her favorite armchair and unable to sleep.   that probably contributed to the bone tiredness more than anything else;   the fact that,  even on nights when it wasn’t her duty to prowl around the corridors looking for people out of bed when they shouldn’t be,  sleep was eluding her.   topical potions for under - eye circles only did so much.   what joy,  then,  that she stumbled upon someone sneaking about whose under eyes seemed even more noticeable than her own.   “ lestrange, “   she said,   fully aware that she sounded as tired as she looked.  “ you and I both know you’re not meant to be out. “

" that's a little dramatic,  alice,  don’t you think? “   alecto said,  scarcely keeping from rolling her eyes.   as it was,  she didn’t make any effort to stop herself from crossing her arms tight over her chest.   closed - off posture didn’t suit her;   closed - off posture,  she knew,  made you look like you had something to hide.  she didn’t,  she didn’t think,  but she had no desire to seem open to alice in that moment.   alecto generally liked her exes to like her   —   she generally liked most people to like her,  and exes were only a little different from most people in the sense that some of them had seen her naked once.   when at all possible,  she ended things on good terms.   flicking a long strand of hair over her shoulder,  she thought,  with no small amount of annoyance,   perhaps we have different definitions of  ‘ good terms. ‘    she didn’t say that,  though;   just narrowed her eyes,  ever so slightly,  at alice,  and said,  “ I should hope you finish all relationships with slightly more than one piece of yourself intact. “

bluebell :   does your muse learn from their past ,   or are they prone to repeating the same mistakes ?

❥     𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒    [   𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙳 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂    ]   .

headcanon prompts with questions based on plants   &   what they represent in flower language .  happy roleplaying !!  ♡

abatina :   is there anything in life your muse has changed their mind about over time   (   due to becoming more educated on the topic ,   certain experiences  ,   etc .   ) ,    or that they   would   change their mind about under certain circumstances ?  

acanthus :   is your muse deceptive ,   or willing to lie or deceive to achieve certain means ?   why or why not ?   

aloe :   how does your muse handle grief ?

amaryllis :   what is something or someone that your muse takes pride in ?   how do they express that pride ?   

anemone :   how does your muse view the world ;   as a cruel   &   unforgiving place ,   a land full of wonders ,   or something in - between ?  where does that world view come from   (   what experiences ,   life lessons ,   etc .   ) ?  

angelica :   where does your muse draw inspiration in life ?   what motivates them ?

apple blossom :   how does your muse go about expressing or not expressing their sexuality ?  

bachelor’s button :   does your muse actively seek romantic companionship ,   or cherish the liberties of being single ? 

basil :   does your muse have a love - hate relationship with anyone or anything ?

bay tree :   does your muse seek glory   &   accolades ,   or do they favour a simpler ,   more personal life ?  

begonia :   how cautious is your muse ?   are they prone to noticing red flags ,   or paranoid to the point of untrusting most everyone ?   why or why not ?  

belladonna :   how does your muse respond to silence ?   do they take comfort in soundlessness ,   or seek to fill the void with noise ?   

bluebell :   does your muse learn from their past ,   or are they prone to repeating the same mistakes ?  

carnation :   what is your muse’s relationship with their gender ?   how do they express or not express this relationship ?  

chamomile :   what is your muse likely to take away from a painful experience ?   are they one to be haunted by adversity ,   or to use what they’ve gone through to become stronger ?  

chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?  

daffodil :   is your muse one to be loyal in relationships ,   or are they likely to quickly move from one bond to another ?

daisy :   did your muse ever feel as though their innocence had been lost ?   what moment in their life could be described as the end of their innocence ?  

edelweiss :   what was the bravest moment in your muse’s life ?  are they known to be courageous from then on ?  

fern :   does your muse believe in magic or cosmic forces ,   or are they more likely to think their life is ultimately a matter of their own control ?  

forget - me - not :   has your muse ever forgotten something that is or was important to them ?   are they afraid of forgetting things like that ?  

gardenia :   is your muse one to confess romantic feelings early on ,   or to conceal them for long periods of time ?  

gladiolus :   describe a moment from your muse’s life that they will never forget .

goldenrod :   does your muse believe in luck or fortune ?  why or why not ?   where do they believe these things come from ?  

heliotrope :   does your muse believe in soulmates ?

hibiscus :   how does your muse view the gentler ,   daintier things in life ?   as things worth preserving   &   caring for ,   or things only bound to wither   &   disappear ?  

holly :   how strong is your muse’s sense of intuition ?  are they aware of it ?   do they ever fear that it is only paranoia ?  

hollyhock :   how strong is your muse’s sense of ambition ?  what’s something they strive for in life ?  

hyacinth :   is your muse athletic ?   does it come naturally to them ,   or have they had to work for their physique and/or skill ?  

hydrangea :   how much does your muse value communication in their relationships with others ?  are they prone to being misunderstood ?

iris :   if your muse could convey one last message to someone they have lost or left behind ,   what would it be ?  

ivy :   what are your muse’s views on marriage ?   do they believe it is something strictly for love ,   or an institution rooted in business   &   social benefits ?   do they desire or have they desired to be married ?

lavender :   how easy is it to gain your muse’s trust ?  once their trust is broken ,   how might one go about mending it ?  

lilac :   what was your muse’s childhood like ?   how has their upbringing affected them as they’ve aged ? 

lily :   how does your muse view their mother ?  

lotus :   has your muse ever felt as though they’ve been reborn ?  have they ever desired the feeling of a fresh start ,   or a better understanding of themself and/or the world around them ?  

magnolia :   describe your muse’s relationship with nature   &   the natural world .  

marigold :   is your muse prone to jealousy ?  how might they handle envious feelings ?  

mint :   does your muse view themself as virtuous   &   moral ?  what do these words mean to them ?

nasturtium :   describe your muse’s relationship with their birthplace ,   or homeland .  

oak :   who would your muse consider the strongest person they know ?  

pansy :   does your muse often reflect on their own actions ?   do they ever think a lot about the past ,   and what they could have done differently ?

parsley :   describe a holiday your muse enjoys ,   and why they enjoy it .

peony :   what would a   ‘  happy life  ’   look like in your muse’s eyes ?

poppy :   what comforts your muse ?

rhododendron :   is your muse receptive to warnings   &   advice given by others ?

rose :   how much does your muse value other people ?   do they wish to have many friends ,   lovers ,   and/or associates ?   are they an easy person to love ?

sage :   what is your muse’s legacy ?   what do they want to be remembered for   &   what might they actually be remembered for ?  

salvia :   is your muse possessive over people or things that matter a lot to them ?  how do they express that possessiveness ,   or lack thereof ? 

snapdragon :   is your muse merciful ?  why or why not ?

southernwood :   how seriously does your muse take themself ?   do they prefer a solemn   &   intellectual atmosphere or do they delight in jokes   &   banter ?  

sunflower :   what brings your muse the most joy in life ?  

tulip :   how does your muse view people in general ?  

violet :   how does your muse respond to betrayal ?

willow :   how does your muse handle sadness   &   depression ?

zinnia :   how has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse ?   has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives ?

—   ask meme   :   MABEL,   a podcast by becca de la rosa and mabel martin.   episodes one (the letters) through seven (king in the labyrinth).

i’m going into the ground for you.

i know you’re real, you’re right there — only you aren’t, you’re not even close.

you know some of my secrets, i know some of your secrets.

you hear me, so i’m real. at least a tiny bit.

if i met myself on the street, would i know me?

you with your distance, you with your high ground.

there’s too much white noise in our heads.

i’m making you an accomplice in this. i’m making you culpable.

live inside yourself for long enough and you’ll start seeing anything external, anything even remotely out of the ordinary, as a sign.

nothing can we call our own but death, and that small model of the barren earth which serves as paste and cover to our bones.

there’s something a bit fairy tale about it.

i didn’t tell you this before, but you were in my dream last night.

it’s a weird feeling to miss someone you never even met.

you know how sounds get stuck in the walls of old houses.

i think about it and it’s like my ribs close up on themselves. like my heart forgets how to pump blood.

we’re microscopic. we disappear so easily.

have fun, but never, ever let your guard down.

life is unfair. life has no obligation to be fair.

i’ll tell you, and then the spell will be broken. the princess will walk out of the tower.

it used to be interesting, and then, like everything else, the slow march of time killed it.

you cannot have this one last piece of myself that i have kept.

i am not moon and mirror, i am flesh and bone.

you have to follow the rules, you invented the rules. you have to follow them.

i used to talk to the girl in the mirror when i was a child, all the time. i knew, always, that she and i weren’t the same. i knew that her face wasn’t mine.

catharsis. god knows i’m due for some, right?

have you ever seen a moon so red it made your blood look white?

there’s more than one way to kill someone.

i am not myself. i don’t think i’ve been my real self for a very long time.

we’re bad gods. we let all our works rot into the ground.

the house isn’t haunted, but it is a haunting, in itself. it remembers everything.

you have to tell it who’s in charge and make it fear you. and then it will listen. isn’t that how you get anything done?

her confidence only grows under the other’s praise  ,  juniper eyes twinkling as she nods in agreement  .  ❛  oh  ,  colour me stoked  .  spend our winter sunning in the french riviera  ,  perhaps  ?  ❜  it won’t be the first time penelope has fled the dreary weather of scotland for the hollidays  .  her mother is fond of travel  ,  taking her girls far from britain to gather all the best designs  ,  and so yule is often spent far from home  .   ❛  and of course we’ll have to find some absolutely darling outfits for new year’s in paris  .  ❜  

alecto grinned,   the expression coming with ease in the face of penelope’s near - infectious excitement.   this was what was so great about the beginning of the school year   —   merely one day past holiday and already eagerly planning the next,  everything so filled with promise.   “ sunning in the french riviera?   sign me up, “   she said,   as if the suggestion was wholly new and not half something she’d proffered up herself.   “ I hate travelling alone, “   alecto continued,  which wasn’t entirely true,   “ so going to paris with you for sun & shopping sounds like an utter dream. “

Weight shifted on his feet absently, despite the innate urge to head towards the faint chatter of the still lively dining hall Remus stood place. Awkward would be exactly how he would describe this encounter. His line of sight never quite matched Alecto’s, darting around her face slowly as she went through her own explanation as if Remus was going to reprimand a fellow prefect for being instructed to leave a school sanctioned event. With a tilt of his head, his gave a rather passive shrug. His own posture was slouched, uncomfortable. But really… when was it not? Adding a small hum before he spoke, giving a slightly exaggerated, sniveling tone to his voice, “You were being too distracting. What ever will the poor first years do if they don’t hear the same speech Dumbledore will give them for the rest of their academic career?” He rolled his eyes, finally letting them land on Alecto’s. The grin he gave was short lived, falling as he added in his regular, mannerly tone, “I’m sure there is some real reason for it, but yeah. Seems like a poor reason to send someone out to the halls.”

alecto couldn’t help it;   her watchful eyes clocked his every movement,   sweeping around his shifting feet all the way up to his shifting face.   he wasn’t looking her in the eyes,  which she supposed suited her just fine.  it’s not like she wanted to be noticed noticing him.   the summer was long,  was all,  and remus was certainly not the sort of person she was able to keep up with when school was out   —   not,  she thought,  that that had even been in the cards for them,  anyway.   she watched his shrug,   the slouching ease of it,  and felt compelled to pull herself up to her full height.   it wasn’t an impressive height,  but good posture was its own sort of shield.   “ goodness.   well,  I suppose I have been called distracting before, “   she said,  the shadow of a smirk flickering over her mouth before she corralled it   ( and any wayward flirtation;  a habit worse than poor posture,  holy shit she did not have a handle on herself here   — )   away in exchange for more composure,  though not before she felt a quick flash of vindication when he met her eyes.   “ no,  you truly may have a point.   lord forbid I keep them from dumbledore’s wholly unique words of wisdom. “   alecto rolled her eyes,  a concession to how she was really feeling.  “ fuck,  but it was such drivel this year anyway.  I’d be a poor ravenclaw if I let their first night be filled with nothing but empty words. “

          their fingers trace their jawline as if to accentuate their rather UNUSUALLY dull skin that’s sealed with dark eye circles . even sirius can’t deny that they must look exhausted . “ i’m the new fountain of youth for hogwarts witchcraft and wizardry ― i’ll have the entirety of the slytherin house up my ass come potions for what i’ve got . ” they wiggle their eyebrows as alecto sits precariously on the cushion in front of them , letting the smile drop from their face . there was no need to uphold such politeness when they know someone on such a strangely personal level . “ you should color yourself please , carrow , i use that only on my ex’s ― you’re now part of an elite few . ” the tone of their voice makes any humor or seriousness unable to be detected , sirius simply digging through the bag next to them and taking out two butterbeers . one’s handed off to her as they twist their own off , moving to make themselves more comfortable in their seat , their foot moving to some beat that only they seem to be able to hear . the smile comes back , more genuine than before as they nod , shrugging slightly as they take swing from the bottle . “ eh , i’m sure someone in hogsmeade has got to have some kind of razor . it might not be PINK , but at least i won’t rival their looks . maybe mcgongall will know a spell for transforming hair colors . ” 

Gryffindor and Slytherin were glorified because of their eternal competition and rivalry that everyone always talked about, Ravenclaw seemed to fade into the background, but they were the brains of the castle, they were loyal to one another. “Its bittersweet at most, to be honest, it feels like the only way to know how big of a fraud they are is to get sorted into a different house, but then there’s all those innocent children being brain washed by the hero complex and the snakes.” The topic was something Sybill was very passionate about, she hated thinking of her house, her home, her second family as side story to just fill up wholes in the lives of those on the popular houses. “Here we go, home sweet home.” Sybill said as she looked over towards the castle, as the horseless carriage began to move on its own. “It really felt like forever, doesn’t it? When we are away from here?”

now that they were even more alone,  nestled comfortably in the carriage they’d claimed for themselves   ( though of course,  if any straggler ravenclaws came around,  they’d let them in )   alecto felt absolutely no need to stifle the laugh she felt bubble up in her chest at hearing the latest batch of boastful first years called frauds.   “ bittersweet is the perfect way of phrasing it,  sybill, “   alecto said,   echoes of her laughter lingering in the words.   a soft smirk stole over her features;  the perfect expression to wear as she continued,   “ we’ll just have to give our newest crop a warm welcome,  so they forget they ever considered other houses.”   alecto settled back in her seat as the carriage began moving,   finding that she was almost pleased to ride up with just sybill for company.   there’d be time to mingle with other housemates later   —   but catching up like this was unparalleled.   “ it always does, “   she said,   biting back a too - wistful sigh.  “ I must confess I don’t relish the first summer I have to spend knowing I won’t get to return at the end. “