𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬,

“ mark.   mark is a good name, ”   he settled on,   curling an arm around her shoulders to keep her pinned as close to him as possible.   his eyes shut momentarily,   submerging himself in world that may have been make believe,   but it was more than he had ever dared to hope for himself before.   “ he might keep your bras hostage to get treats,   but he knows how to play dead really well. ”

he hummed,   content with the image that was being painted for them.   maverick wanted nothing more than everything and anything she had to offer,   would use every ounce of this relationship as a crutch for the days he wanted to step out of his own skin.   “ i’ll use one of those old cam corders too,   for aesthetic, ”   he smiled,   leaning forward to find the crook of her neck.   “ babies .. i’m not so sure i can commit to that.   they kind of terrify me.    maybe some golden retrievers instead for the same effect. ”

maverick visibly relished the feeling of her touch,   facial features softening with contentment,   ever present tension in his chest dissipating,   shoulders falling slack in a manner synonymous to cartoons slinking into fresh bath water.   “ who would’ve thought a lowly boy like me would strike gold by being your first time and sugar baby, ”   he teased,   words soft in the space between them.   it was a delicate balance between fantasy and reality,   but he knew it wasn’t his place to decide where the line should be drawn.   maverick would follow wherever it was she wanted to take them,   with no fight at all.   “ we can be like that scene in fifty first dates,   buy a boat and roam the waters of alaska.   i’ll make you breakfast every morning and make sure we don’t hit any icebergs. ”

maverick shifted to lay beside her,   folding one of her pillows beneath himself to keep him propped up some.   he always wanted her lips on his skin,   but maverick knew the heaviness of sincerity and he wouldn’t risk violet thinking this was nothing more than a momentary bliss.   “ don’t say it like that, ”   he demanded softly,   swallowing back a grimace.   death had maybe been inevitable to her at a much faster rate than most their age,   but talking about it with a casual undertone that threatened her demise by tomorrow wasn’t ever going to be easy to hear.   “ just tell me whatever you want to do,   how you want to spend any day and we’ll do it. ”   an unlikely admission,   but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t do everything he could to try. 

maverick should have been happy with her concession,   but all that swallowed him was melancholy.   the conversation made it more apparent that no matter how long they did have,   it would still seem like too little time.   even putting them as a couple aside,   there had to have been things she wanted out of life that she knew she was never going to get.  although it wasn’t his favorite suggestion,   maverick could give her this control at the very least.    “ always together,   yes.  i promise, ”   he murmured,   taking a hold of her hand.   

the confession should have stayed a fact that only he had been privy to.   it was unfair of him to prop his actions up against her,   even if that hadn’t been his intention,   and he debated telling her that she had changed his mind,   that he would follow through with a promise to keep on beyond this but he knew it would only be a lie.   and he didn’t want to lie to her.   “ i don’t want to be without you, ”   he reiterated,   turning his head to softly bump his cheek against her forehead.   “ i fucking adore you,   violet.   i’m sorry. ”

the sentiment was appreciated,   and maverick made that known with a surrendering sigh.   but the reality was that there was no changing his mind.   nothing that she could say nor do,   and certainly not anything anyone else in his life would care to offer.   maverick had not been happy for too long and the dull numbing he had deemed normal up until their reunion was not a feeling that he wanted to go back to,   ever.   “ well it’s not really your decision,   is it, ”   he muttered,   tilting his head in her direction as his arms folded over his chest.   maverick made no motion to move away from her,   even as his conscience told him it might have been what she preferred.   “ i’m sorry for saying anything. ”

his tongue tried to roll out an apology,   mind leaned into the instinct to roll his eyes and take himself as far away from her as possible.   maverick hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath until he finally exhaled,   dragging against the sheets to sit upright.   blue eyes debated keeping themselves away from her to not betray a practiced absence of vulnerability,   but maverick was too scared to miss any changing mind her own face might have exposed.   “ look,   i’ve known since i was seven that i wasn’t going to live a long life.   i found something to live for now,   and i’m going to ride it out until the  —— ”   his right hand gave a loose wave in place of whatever higher being it was she may have believed in.   “ ——  decides that it’s going to end.  and that’ll be my time too. ”   finally,   his teeth bit at the inside of his cheek,   hesitance beginning to seep from his palms.   “ don’t be mad.   please. ”

the weight of her initial reaction seemed to hollow out his chest,   shoulders wanting nothing more than to curve inward in a futile act of self preservation for the rest of the words that left her.   but maverick kept still,   falling back into the brick wall of nonchalance he normally put on.   it might have been radical behavior masked by teenage romance,   but he meant every word of it.   to steady an air of endearment,   his fingers kept themselves looped in her hair as he looked up to meet her gaze and simply spoke,   “ no. ” 

“ tough bargain. ”   maverick wouldn’t have been surprised if her mom didn’t approve,   maybe a part of him wanted her to for the lure of sneaking around and skipping classes.   but he knew that high was short - lived and,   knowing his own family well enough,   he wanted somebody to think of them in adoring undertones.   “ yes ma’am,   i’ll love your daughter unconditionally, ”   he practiced with a stern angle of his eyebrows,   contrasting the humored smile that his lips settled into.   two fingers of his left hand settled against his forehead in a misplaced soldier’s salute.   “ for richer,  for poorer,  in sickness and in health.   even plan on killing myself so she doesn’t have to wait too long in the afterlife for me. ”

“ always,   yeah. ”   even if a picture perfect scenario had been waiting for him at home,   a concerned mother with blankets pulled fresh out of the dryer and a cooling tray of stuffed shells on the stove,   he would have still agreed.   maverick was too attuned with the reality that their days were numbered,   and in the privacy of lonely nights he would lecture himself for spending too many years overlooking her,   but he would do whatever he could now to make up for lost time.   “ and go to school after, ”   he suggested gently,   tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear.   “ can’t have you skipping two days in a row,   or else your mom will never approve. ”  

a look of awe settled on his face as soon as his back hit the mattress,   followed with a delighted laugh.   the unadulterated happiness that he was swarmed with when she was around wasn’t like anything else maverick had experienced.   “ oh yeah,   you know just what to say to boost my ego. ”   he managed to murmur against her lips,   both hands extending for any part of her they could get.   his fingers settled with loosely twisting the ends of her hair,   words barely bubbling past his lips from a softness in volume.   “ i don’t ever want to be without you. ”