ухаантай

And that was how it went, with her fretting over the appropriate words to say to him until they’d reached the first of their checkpoints: a cave blessedly facing away from the cruelest winds. It hadn’t been too long since she’d stayed here, thankfully -- she’d royally failed to provide any sort of emotional bolster, but at least now she could put in some real effort into making him physically comfortable. 

Starting from making a fire and fishing out the supplies that she’d tucked away in the far reaches of this grotto for future trips up this slope, first of all. From then, it was only a matter of setting the kid down among the sheets and arranging them to swaddle his shivering form before she set about her other duties. 

“Um.. I’m fine, I─ We should go, get out of here. Move on to the next place, I mean. Less stress if we just get it over with, you know… L-Like, uh, ripping off a band-aid. Right..?” He hesitantly moved his arms away from her, running his hands through his hair and taking a deep breath. He released it slowly, closing his eyes again as if to focus on what he was still feeling, to embrace it rather than shove it aside. It would not be the most pleasant of feelings, no. But it was either he slowly ease his way back into what he would normally feel, or be overwhelmed again like he had been not so long ago. His brows furrowed as he made a point to focus on each individual presence he felt, folding his hands as he leaned his arms on his knees. 

A sigh escaped him as he opened his eyes, his expression much more normal looking than it had been before, save for the obvious signs he had been crying. His face was a bit red and blotchy, but that was fading quickly the more he calmed down. There were many people around outside, but he was thankful none of them felt anything extreme at the moment. His hands separated, one of them absentmindedly reaching to grab hers, holding onto it for only a moment to explain how he thought he should go about things for the time being.

“I think, I will be fine after this. Each, uh, breakdown is a learning experience. I can still feel everything, so it’s okay… It’s not as painful now. But… I really shouldn’t block out that pain like I did just now. I’m never going to be able to deal with it properly if I keep that up… Each time I get overwhelmed like that, it’ll just be worse. And embarrassing.. Can I not keep my own emotions in check?… Geez…” He paused, looking down to his hand holding hers and then back to her. He realized that she probably was the reason he had felt nothing from anyone for so long, but at the same time, that wasn’t a bad thing. Maybe she could help him more than either of them realized. He only wished he could help her as well.

Though it wasn’t a negative kind of disturbance she felt, this she was clear enough to confirm without more delay. This wasn’t surprise governing her complete lack of reaction, either, not after she had allowed much stranger things to occur leading up to this point in time. Her cheeks hadn’t even pricked like she would have anticipated the day before; all perhaps his current state of being didn’t allow much room for indulging in her own reverie.  It was understandable. No one could bounce back so quickly from an emotional meltdown, much less someone like him who’d had everyone’s present mood cram into his headspace in a matter of seconds -- she couldn’t even begin to imagine how that would have felt. 

Oh, right. She hadn’t even said a single word. 

She hadn’t moved her head either while he was talking, sparing only minute glances while she registered what it was he asked of her. Ultimately, he needed her attention in order to leave this crowded place, and what better way than the one that he’d just proposed? Without further ado, she could have held out her hand for him to take and that would have been the end of his troubles; hence her continued sense of contribution to the wellbeing of one that she’d grown to care about within this short amount of time. 

However there was more merit to his explanation than he actually knew. The rational aspect of her mind would have none of this sentimentalism, and she was still on her own learning journey to reacquaint herself with...herself, essentially. She had successfully put a damper on it for some time enough, but by the gods did she know that she shouldn’t have assumed that was the one and only way of dealing with her stunted ability to connect on any significant level with anyone at all. Moreover....she would become overwhelmed if she pretended all was fine and she had no issues with physical contact. The last night had been nothing short of a miracle with how she normally was, but now it was her turn to make compensation. That being said, however, she made no attempt to extricate her hand from his until he had voluntarily moved away first, the stillness still passing over her like slow tide as she reorganized her thoughts in that absence of touch. 

“If you mind, I’ll hold onto your sleeve until you feel better.”