Glorious Rise

-After a While, Veronica A. Shoffstall

I don't want complicated. I don't want disappointment. I don't want waiting. I want to care for someone else, but not too much? I want something effortless, but understand that any real relationship requires effort, a lot of it. So does that mean I don't want a rship right now? Or am I just scared? I can't tell.

"it's too much responsibility".

I thought I was doing ok, but I must be in one of the ebbs of this ebb and flow. I guess I kept thinking that you were having a tough time and really missing me. But now I'm wondering if you're actually doing fine. Lately I've been imagining you meeting someone else. It's fair, I'm doing it. I imagine you kissing her on the cheek, burying your face in her neck. It's a haunting imagine. I'm sure you imagine the same about me, right? But maybe now it's a bearable thought for you. I'm trying to accept everything too, but I wish I didn't have to. I keep trying to remind myself of all the bad times, but all the good ones come barging in. I miss holding your hand. I miss you asking me to touch your face. I miss eating together. I miss the trips we took and the jokes we had. Why couldn't we just fucking work? We tried so hard. Why after all that, could we not get our shit together. Why do I have to grow and get thru life separately now? Why couldn't we do it together.

You are a pathetic loser. I feel bad for you.