LOYALTY

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Emeline quickly replied, placing her hand on his as he touched her belly. “I just…. I’m worried about the labor. I’ve seen how awful it is here… and I don’t  —— I don’t know if I can manage it here. I already feel so terrible on Bliss, I couldn’t imagine using it while in labor.” She tensed as she spoke, squeezing his hand just slightly as nerves built up. Emeline knew how dedicated he was to the family. “It is unreal, though. We’re going to be parents.”

Ty smiled down at their hands, slowly and carefully running his thumb over her stretched skin. The lump in his throat only grew bigger at her words. Slowly, his smile faltered, actually thinking about how evident their difference in height and size was and how true her words were. Emeline had never been good with bliss. Sure, there had been so many women before her who had gone through the process of childbirth without modern medicine and bliss surely was better than nothing - still, he hated seeing his wife in pain and she was just so fragile against him. He cleared his throat and pulled her closer, holding her softly against him. “We’ll find a way. It’s going to be fine, my love. I know you’re going to be such a good mom.” He wasn’t so sure about himself though. He would sure try to be the best father he could be. Suddenly, he was very much scared for them. With his free hand, he wiped some lose strands of hair from her face and kissed her forehead. They would be fine. They had to be. He forced himself to only think about him, his wife and their future children living in the big farm house, having dinner together at the table that was far too large for just the two of them, playing outside in the sun, filling the empty house with warmth and laughter. He would ask Em if she was okay with getting a dog. He’d be okay with a cat too. Maybe both. He sighed softly and the smile was back on his lips.

“No, no I’m ——  sorry, Ty. I meant, I feel like a monster. I can barely breathe because of this child, I’m constantly nauseus. And the baby is going to be huge, if they take after you,” Emeline said, realizing how much she was dreading it. “You’re not a monster, you’re not horrible. I love you.”

Emeline’s words soothed his wounded pride immediately and Ty listened to her rambling while softly drawing patterns with his fingertips on her back. She loved him. Of course she did. He knew she did. And still, hearing the three little words felt like a warm embrace...and simultaneously hit him in the gut with unexpected force. He swallowed hard. Ty was very sure that Emeline wouldn’t have said those words right now if she hadn’t been blissed out. But they were true nonetheless and Ty took a deep breath, trying to stir his thought away from what they had just put each other through. She had been wrong for leaving anyway. “And I love you, my Tinkerbell.” He pulled her closer, now finally reaching out to her belly and feeling it carefully. His heart was beating so fast and he couldn’t stop smiling. Fascination, realization and so much love in his gaze. He was going to be a father. “You need to tell me if I can do anything to make you feel better with that. It feels so unreal. I can’t wait to hold them in my arms. Can you imagine?” Now, he was remabing himself. There was a lump in his throat and he realized once more how much he loved his wife and how much he wanted this and them and a family with her. He had never felt this way with anyone aside from her. She made him feel so calm and at home. He just now realized how much he had missed her. 

“.. I-I really would rather not do that, Ty,” Emeline said, noting his sigh. She still closed her eyes, however, trying to relax as much as she could. “I just want to feel normal and not sick. Being pregnant is already awful enough. I can already tell that this kid is taking after you. I horribly monstrous.”

Tyrell acknowledged her words with a sigh. He would come up with a solution for their situation. Emeline was back home with him and safe. That was his priority. Her words about her pregnancy lifted his mood and he smiled, about to reach out and feel her belly, ask all the questions that had been on his mind since he had first seen her at the apartment building. The smile faltered just as quickly as it had formed. Her last sentence was a direct attack against the creature deep inside of him that had just finally been able to calm down, Now it was sulking quietly, just as he was. Wounded pride and a jab to his very obvious sore spot. “Hey,” He huffed. “I’m not a monster...and I’m not horrible either, am I?” Yes, was he? Guilt and shame mixed with pride.

Emeline couldn’t help but wrap an arm around him when he laid down beside her, despite not having a comfortable way of laying in bed. Pregnancy was the absolute worst. “No, I don’t need anything,” she sighed, trying to focus on just one of him rather than the double vision she was having. “I feel awful, Ty. Please don’t convince me to have any Bliss again, at least not for a while.”

Tyrell smiled when his wife searched for physical contact. He stroke back the hair from her face gently and started running his fingers through it. Softly caressing her, Emeline’s words caused him to stop the motion for only a moment until he sighed and started again. “Maybe we should build up your tollerance instead.” He knew she might need it for child birth and he wanted her to feel as comfortable with it as possible. On the other hand, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to convince her to have more bliss. It had been hard enough tonight. He was feeling awful himself - seeing her in pain was almost painful for himself. Especially knowing that he was the cause for her troubles.

“Did you wake me up? I’m just… I’m having a hard time remembering it,” she said. 

Slowly, Emeline got into bed with her husband’s help. Everything was uncomfortable as she was coming down from the intiial high, with the world doing the spins around her the second her head hit the pillow. Not too comfortable. Hah. The pregnant woman felt she wasn’t able to get comfortable by any means. 

He hadn’t offered her any difinitive answer to her question before he left either. He’d denied to even know what she was talking about, but his personal narrator in his head made it rather difficult for him to not think about how they had gotten into the lake and how he tried and failed to explain to himself that it had been the only way. 

Walking around the house in only boxers reminded him about summer coming to an end. He got a glass of water for each of them from the kitchen and made his way back to their bedroom. He was looking forward to getting cozy in bed now as well. He placed a glass on each nightstand and joined Emeline in bed. “Can I get you anything else? Please drink some if you start feeling like it at all. How are you feeling right now?” He knew that the answer to this question wouldn’t exactly manage to easy his mind and shut up the voice that was already giving him an answer. What do you think she feels like, idiot.

“It might’ve been. Why — on Earth would we want to do that? I never feel good when I’m on it,” Emeline sighed, wincing slightly as the world moved around her. She could barely keep herself balanced, almost stumbling forward as he walked her. “I — I really can’t, Ty. I don’t think I can.”

Tyrell chuckled softly and tried to ignore that faint but very insistent voice in the back of his mind that was asking Emeline’s question, but in a very different tone. Yeah, Ty, why on earth would we want to do that, huh? “Like I said, thought it was a good idea at the time.” We? I? You? He didn’t even put any definitive answer to that in his sentence. He was still trying not to outright lie to her. 

They were next to the bed in just a moment and Tyrell had made sure that his wife wouldn’t lose balance. “Lie down, darling. I’ll get you something to drink anyway. I’ll be right here waiting for when you feel like it.” He helped her into bed and grabbed the boxers from his nightstand. “I’ll be back in a second. Get yourself comfortable.” He took the laundry basket with him, planning to change in the laundry room and leaving their damp clothes in there before getting some water from the kitchen. If she didn’t feel like tea, he wouldn’t force it on her. Not like some other things you forced on her, the voice in his head commented sarcastically. “Not too comfortable, though.” He joked before leaving the bedroom, hurrying to return to Emeline as soon as he could.

She allowed him to keep her steady, looking up to him with pleading eyes. “I ——  I feel sick. Everything’s been spinning. I-I don’t think it’s just related to being cold,” she said, pressing her forehead into his chest. If only she knew why she felt like this, Emeline would be running out the door. “I don’t feel right… I don’t know if I can stomach anytthing.”

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her in an embrace that felt simultaneously so good and familiar but also so wrong. Rubbing her back up and down gently, he sighed. “You think it could be the bliss from the lake?” He asked softly, starting to walk to the bed with her. “You might feel better once you lay down, hm?” His eyes held worry when he looked down at her intently watching for a sign of what was making her feel that way and what he might be able to do to make her feel better. “Just some tea then. We need to keep you hydrated especially if you don’t feel so great.”

“Don’t use my words against me,” Emeline said, defeated. She accepted the shirt, slowly undressing herself out of the disgustingly sticky clothing. She felt like a swamp monster with the way it clung to her. 

Finding herself slightly disoriented, she managed to put the large shirt over her. But that was as far as she could go before she had to lean against the wall. Bliss was always hard for her to handle, even when she had been taking frequent doses. Maybe she was just a lightweight. But now? It was too much to even get dressed under. “Ty, I feel awful.”

Tyrell’s only answer was a chuckle. This was definitely better. Even though he still had this voice in his head telling him that it wasn’t right the way he got here. He had finished getting the bed ready for them when Emeline uttered her next statement. With obvious concern on his features, he hurried to her side and placed his arm around her middle, keeping her steady in case she’d actually pass out. “What’s wrong? Let’s get you in the bed and warm you up, shall we? I’ll get you something to drink...” He was hoping it was only the bliss that made her feel unwell and not anything else that he wasn’t aware of. On the other hand, the bliss was entirely his fault and seeing her hurting was almost physically painful for himself.

For a moment, Emeline flinched when he pulled her back. She didn’t know why. “I know, but if the bed’s ready we can just go to bed. It makes sense,” she insisted, watching as he pulled out some dry clothing for her. “I don’t have any maternity clothing here?” she asked, before shrugging. “One of yours would be good.”

At her question, the voice in Tyrell’s brain simply burst out laughing. No, she didn’t have any maternity clothing here. Not that he knew of, that was. And while she didn’t remember why that was the case, Tyrell was scalding himself for not thinking about that back at the apartment he had picked her up at. If only she hadn’t tried to run but had actually packed a bag with him. Tyrell wasn’t used to having a bad conscience. He usually drank it away or blissed it out, but it was stronger than the bliss right now and he wouldn’t get to just go and fill himself up while he wanted to simultaneously watch over his wife. “I’ll make the bed ready for you, then.” He offered with a smile. “If the bed’s ready for you, you’ll just be able to go to bed and won’t get sick.” He walked over to his own dresser and got out boxers for himself and a shirt for Emeline. “It makes sense. You said it yourself.” He handed her the shirt with a wink and walked over to the bed without waiting for her reply, tossing the boxers on his nightstand and getting the bed ready for both of them.

She allowed him to pick her up, a complete contrast to their ordeal earlier. Granted, there was still a bit of fear he was going to drop her going up the stairs, but that was minuscule compared to before. “Inspiration? I’m going to get sick. I’m —— I can’t get sick, I’m pregnant.”

Emeline felt sick for a moment, the Bliss making the world warp around her for a moment. God, she felt terrible. “Then you get changed, I’ll work on getting the bed ready for you first, okay?”

Again, he let out a short laugh and pulled her back when she started to walk over to the bed to prepare it for them. “Not your business right now. As you said it, you can’t get sick right now. That’s why it’s most important to get you into dry clothes.” He walked over to the dresser on her side of the bed, pulled open a few drawers until he had found pyjamas and underwear for her and brought them back to her. “I’m not sure about the top. You just want one of my shirts?” 

“You’re too good to me,” Emeline sighed, taking his hand gently. Nope. She was too worn out. “Whose bright idea was it to go in the lake wearing clothes? I feel disgusting in these.” Her hand was placed on her belly, something that she had momentarily forgotten about. Her eyebrows raised in panic for a moment, before she rememebred. Right. She was pregnant. “You couldn’t carry me upstairs anyways. I weigh too much for you.”

Tyrell let out a laugh and picked her up again gently. She did weigh more than he remembered, he had to admit that, but he was definitely carrying heavier stuff around all the time. “As if, darling. Nothing can stop me from making you comfortable.” It was meant to be reassuring, a small boast to jest, but it caused an uncomfortable sting to his chest once he had realized what he had said. Truly, the voice in his brain commented bitterly, nothing could stop him. “We were forced to do it. I swear. A sudden gust of inspiration hit us and we had to follow,” he joked while carrying her up the stairs and into the master bedroom. All the while, the voice in the back of his head twisted his lie into the awful truth that he was trying to avoid for the moment. At least the bliss made this easier on him. 

He switched the lights on with his ellbow and put Emeline back on her feet next to the laundry basket. “No chance we’re going to bed like that. I feel disgusting now too.” Oh yes, he did. Not just because of his damp clothes sticking to his skin and smelling of lake water, mind you. 

Emeline clutched the blanket closer to her body as she sat in the truck, shivering from the experience. She felt something was off, but couldn’t place it. 

Her first instinct was to lay down when they reached home. Her body laid down on the couch gently, as much as she just wanted to land in it. The stress of what she had gone through, the stress of her pregnancy, all of it  ——  was terrible exhausting. “I don’t know, Ty. I’m just… I’m too tired for anything,” she insisted, all enthusiasm that she would have had gone. She was tired. She couldn’t stand it. “Come lay with me.”

Tyrell watched her with a soft smile and saw the exhaustion, quickly discarding any plans he had just proposed. “I will, but I’ll bring you upstairs first. You need a real bed to fall asleep on. Your back is gonna hurt enough tomorrow as it is.” He chuckled softly. “I’ll keep you warm through the night, then.” He reached for her hand, waiting for her approval, not just wanting to pick her up and carry her again, if she didn’t want him to. “And we need to get out of our wet clothes.” He sighed when he tucked on his damp shirt with his other hand.

“I-I don’t know,” Emeline answered, truly not understanding how she felt. She had felt a huge amount of stress  ——  due to reasons she couldn’t remember  —— but that was slowly dissipating as the Bliss worked through her system. She smiled up at him weakly as he caressed her face, not realizing what had just happened.

Still easily influenced, Emeline nodded. Right. Of course they went on a midnight dip. She held onto him as he walked them to shore. “Blankets would be amazing,” she said, shivering the moment the cold air hit her. “Let’s go home.”

There it was. The hint of a smile he had been hoping and searching for. He smiled back at her, sighing softly. Ty put her back on the ground when they had reached the car, quickly grabbing three blankets from the trunk, wrapping one around Emeline’s body immediately. He held open the passenger door for her and covered what had not been covered yet with the second blanket. “I’ll turn on seat heating in a second,” He assured her before closing the door, wrapping the last blanket around himself and grabbing his shoes from the waterline where he had left them before they had taken their bath. He took them home safely even though anyone in their sane mind would have advised both of them against driving under the influence of bliss. Noone in the CotC cared. Tyrell did as he had promised, turning up the heat as soon as the engine was running..

The moment, the two and half of them had entered the old farmhouse of Tyrell’s family, a good bit of tension left his body that he didn’t know had been there since he found out that his wife had been missing. “You want to take a quick shower to warm up, or head straight to bed? I’ll make some tea so we won’t catch a cold, hm?”

“No — No, Ty, please!” she said, realizing that she had no effect on the man’s mindset. Before Emeline knew it, she was under the water. There was no fighting the drug, as much as she wanted to. 

When she came back up, her face went through all the stages of grief  ——  ending with confusion and a final blank stare. It had been so long since she last used Bliss that it was much more potent than it should have been. She slowly pushed the wet hair out of her face, processing everything around her. “Ty…?” she asked, looking up to her husband in confusion. “What are we doing here?”

Tyrell looked at his wife’s face in the dim light of the moon, watching the drug kick into full effect. “Hey, Tinker Bell. Welcome back. How do you feel?” He reached out with his free hand, helping Em with her wet hair and caressing her face softly. “We just went for a quick midnight dip. It’s kind of chilly, though. You want to head home? I got blankets in the car.” Slowly, he started walking through the water bringing them closer to the shore again. He knew that the bliss had done what it was supposed to, but he was also aware that its use was probably not a permanent solution. But Ty was affected by the drug as well and he subconciously decided to dwell on his search for more than a quick fix later.

She was shocked that he stopped. She truly was. Maybe there was a chance for her to get out of this as herself. “I’m scared of you. Of what you’re d-doing to me. Y-You’re going to ch-change who I am. To someone you want me to be,” Emeline stuttered. Him holding her tighter didn’t calm her down, but for a moment she released her grip. “To someone you didn’t f-fall in love with.”

This was harder for him than it should have been. He knew that she was on the wrong path right now, that sin was dropping from her lips and she needed to be lead back to the right path again. He furrowed his brows, desperatly trying to come up with another way. Something had caused her to change, or someone had. He couldn’t handle not having something to direct his anger to, to hurt as they had hurt Em and through that, had hurt him. He had fallen in love with her as a believer. This wasn’t the Emeline he had known for so long and had fallen in love with. But she was still his wife and he loved her nonetheless, even as a sinner. He needed to help her. “No, that’s- Em, you aren’t yourself right now. And even though I still love you. I only want what’s best for you.” 

Still unsure whether this was the right thing to do, Tyrell took another large step and bent down, submerging them both under the cold water. He could feel the ever awkward feeling of bliss starting to thrum through his veins, tingling on his skin and itching his nose and his lips. He released his grip on Emeline but kept his arm around her. He wasn’t sure if she would be able to reach the ground and stand as far into the lake as they were by now. He stood back up, pulling Emeline with him - heads above water - again and stroke back his hair from his face with his free hand. 

Emeline held on to him, half-attempting to crawl up him so the water wouldn’t touch her. She knew the moment she went underwater it was all over.  “  — Please,” she pleaded, finally speaking out of fear. “Please don’t do this, Ty.”

Ty stopped to move even though he knew he shouldn’t. He couldn’t let her talk him out of it. But her voice. Her voice was stricken with pure terror. And she was shaking harder than even before at the parking lot. She was desperately clinging at him, trying not to get in touch with the water and this time, Ty was sure that her nails would cause marks on his skin. “Em, what are you scared of?” He furrowed his brows and held her tight to calm her down. It would be so easy for him to just bend forward and get them both soaked with bliss. “What’s so wrong, my love?”