blade aloft, blood afire

in the first game, i think foundling has a sense of innocence--one that seems incorruptible. i don't mean innocence as ignorance. foundling knows he's ignorant of a lot of things, being effectively a newborn, but he's like a sponge, and he wants to learn. he craves knowledge and experience. he learns most things so rapidly (like the lute) because he has no self-imposed limitations, and he doesn't give up. he sees mankind as the most beautiful thing in such a beautiful world. even the "negative" or "bad" parts of man, he values just as much as the "positive" or "good" parts. he does not shy away from the darker aspects of his shells--not at all. he loves their darkness as much as their light. he loves them without question. all of them.

and harros was the first. foundling first discovered love--unconditional love--by finding and inhabiting harros. there was a sense of loss, initially, because the shells were fairly dead and their consciousness in stasis. i always believed that foundling would want them to be able to act independently, to truly interact with the shells he loves so much (and i always thought genessa could probably help him with that, given how she could sort of breathe life into herself--or her other vessels in the first game, and maybe she could breathe a sort of unlife into foundling's shells, too).

and in the second game i see this through harros. harros acting independently from foundling, to protect him. also acting independently before (?) because of where we initially find him. how did he get there if not independently? i really can't see foundling just...willy-nilly losing track of his shells. they're too precious to him.

which...where are the other main FOUR? why were they separated from foundling? why was foundling by himself mingling with mortals? of course he would want to explore and experience more of the world, and more of the humans he adores so much. (and his flesh doesn't look so nascent anymore. his muscles have swollen up. he has been in this world, fighting, battling, warring.)

who betrayed him? obviously he feels betrayed by old prisoner. foundling never wanted to fight him. he cared about him, even if old prisoner was...strange and at times abrasive, foundling still cared about him and didn't want him to suffer. foundling would want to try to find a peaceful resolution, but he is not a pacifist either.

did someone else betray him after? a shell? solomon, old prisoner's brother? was it not solomon who imprisoned old prisoner?

another betrayal would affect the innocence, obviously--especially being separated from his beloved shells. but foundling would have hope once he is reunited with harros, the FIRST.

but then he lost harros, and i think losing harros was really what made foundling lose his innocence forever. to experience the loss of a loved one like that--a loss he never thought he would have to endure. and as much as zhirelle reassures foundling that harros is "gone, but not forgotten", until he is returned, foundling suffers his absence. and, maybe for the first time, really experiences self-loathing.

because foundling felt weak, and helpless, and powerless in that moment where the battle with the tar golem should have been over. and this hatred of himself, this imposter syndrome only grows the more others call him a god, the chosen, so powerful ("we know you will not fail" yet foundling already feels as though he has). foundling wants to be those things for all these mortals who rely on him, who worship him. he wants to be those things for those he loves the most, so that this will never happen again. so that he won't "fail" them again. so he won't lose them again.

and i think foundling experiences "wounded pride" or "ego" or true insecurity for the first time in mushroom village. where that thirsty (isolated?) woman behind her door first says he sounds strong, and wants him to break down her door etc, but then she says "nevermind. you're too weak", and rationally foundling knows she doesn't know what happened; she's not referring to him losing harros. but that's what is conjured, that's what he feels, he's there again, reliving the moment. and he strikes the door in a rage until, maybe, tiel stops him.

there is a wound in foundling's soul now, one that may shrink, but will never fully heal. he doesn't trust the mether. he doesn't collect the ovum for her. he does it for all the people who believe in him, who have devoted themselves to him. he still loves mankind...but there is a distance. distrust. and he's wounded. he's hardening now, truly.

sometimes in marrow keep, around the beacon, foundling (and i, in-game) see the water around the beacon disturbed when he hasn't stepped in it. i think he has visions of harros. i think he's haunted by it. he chases the phantom of harros every time, begs him to stay even if he isn't real.

HARROS!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!