two two minus one

The deeper that sorrow carries into your being, the more joy you can contain.

-Kahlik Gibran

If you withhold your attention from the situation, your circumstances have no power to affect you, regardless of how bad they may seem.

You will feel depressed when you pay attention to negative circumstances.

The more you struggle to reason your way out, the worse your depression gets.

The solution is to withdraw your attention from what’s making you depressed and place it in what makes you feel really, really good. Think whatever thoughts make you happy. Imagine them as real and enjoy them.

Build your imaginary dream home. Travel around the world. Create your ideal friends. Imagine the perfect relationship.

I recently broke up with a best friend. This is the second biggest friend breakup I’ve yet to make and this time, it was me who made the decision.

It went off with a good start. Until she fell in love with a person who didn’t reciprocate her feelings and made her hateful.

I was there for her. Consoled her patiently until she felt okay. And the more energy she took from me, the more I hated myself for allowing her to. 

I realized there are just some things I can’t repair. That it’s not my responsibility to fix other people. I have given myself too much to too many people in the past. I wasn’t going to let her.

So I started distancing myself hoping she’d get better on her own. Only to see her come back to become an even more hateful person.

I love myself too much to be consumed by people that drain my energy. So I minimized communication hoping she’d notice.

This person she fell in love with, happened to be my friend too. Being the free person that I am, I did not hesitate to see this person and hang out with her as a friend.

I chose to keep mum about it. Because I don’t want drama. Because I don’t want to feel like I have to choose. Because I don’t want to have to explain myself.

But it all ended up going that way anyway when I finally admitted to her that I have been seeing said friend.

She made me feel like I was a shitty person. That I should be shamed of my choices. That I should justify my actions so she can feel better.

And even then, she still didn’t get it. Because toxic people can’t see through their own bullshit.

It was in this experience that I finally learned what it really means when people say, “Don’t take it personally.” 

Sometimes, when people do things that hurt you, it’s not because they intend to. It’s just who they are, and you have to understand that’s just the way it works. 

You always have the choice to say no or yes. Personal boundaries. If the person cares about you enough, they will change their ways.

In my case, I was not going to apologize for my actions. I didn’t intend to hurt anybody. I was simply being myself. Being around people whose company I enjoy.

My only mistake was to hold on to a friendship that I knew was not enriching to me anymore.

After that incident, she was still on my mind for a few days. I noticed myself having more hateful thoughts than before.

I decided to block her off Facebook. Delete her from my phonebook. And not answer her calls.

I don’t regret a single thing. I’m glad I finally cut the cord.

I thought I could still salvage the relationship. To see a better person after she had moved on, as she claims.

But no. It might take longer before she can fix herself. Sadly, I don’t have the patience to stay anymore.

I have better things to do. Than deal with things that I perceive as petty.

I’ve been gone for awhile and I have no excuse for it. 

Not only that, I’ve been doing a lot of really bad stuff too.

Bad stuff I plan to correct these next few months.

I haven’t cut down on my sugar intake.

I haven’t stopped smoking.

I haven’t been meditating.

I have been consuming more information.

I haven’t created anything for myself.

I haven’t taken care of myself enough.

I have been spending more time on social media.

I haven’t been spending my time wisely.

I have a ton more bad stuff to write down but those are the first things to come to mind.

It’s amazing how stress can lead you to do so many damaging habits.

Anyway, this post is an effort to slowly end this damaging cycle.

I am finally back in my home town after living in Cebu for four years.

I’ll be alone with my parents.

Which means more time for reconnection and getting to know them as human beings and not just my parents.

I’ll be reconnecting with old friends and getting rid of old ones.

I’ll be spending more time with myself and think about how I can use my time wisely.

I’ll be cooking more. And I’ll be eating healthier. Michael taught me well.

This is just my third day here.

I’m excited for what’s to come.

I’m a totally different person now. Bolder, wiser, and happier.

But dang do I need a lot of repair.

These past few months I have noticed that I don’t spend much time on social media as I usually do. I remember making it a ritual to always post lovely photos on my Instagram in the hopes of being Instagram famous but alas, those shallow dreams have been shattered after seeing many who are vying for the same position as I am. Quotes, filters, perfectly aligned random objects together in one picture. That’s just not something I am willing to invest my time in anymore.

I also don’t find myself hanging around Facebook as much anymore. Sometimes, I might scroll down my news feed to see what’s going on with my friends but all that comes to mind before I even type the word F on the address bar is what in the hell kind of bullshit life my “friends” are trying to portray this time.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my friends, the closest ones I have, but there are these certain behaviors they exhibit on social media which I strongly dislike. I  am not blaming them. I guess when you see people on your feed showing off what they can about their life, you’ll be tempted to do the same: post something that will get you attention.

The good news is that I am slowly seeing some of my friends distance themselves from social media. I myself have done the same and am quite happy that I don’t invest so much time on it as I used to before.

I cannot think of anything poetic to say that will go well together with these beautiful set of photos.

Nature is beautiful

Am I not beautiful too?

I just got back to reading Steve Pavlina again. I loved reading his work and I love him even more now with my new understanding of certain things. I think it’s good to go back to certain concepts that you are interested in but weren’t able to fully grasp back then.

I didn’t get some of the things Steve was talking about back then but after a year of acquiring new wisdom, I was able to read through his texts again with a better understanding of his ideas. 

I wanted to write this because he was able to answer a question that has always bothered me ever since I started earning a living of my own. The question is do you ride your life or do you drive it?

You might think this is a silly question to ask. The hustlers might say, “Are you serious? Yes, of course you should drive it. If you want to be happy in life, you gotta work hard. Earn money so that life comes easy.” while the other side of the extreme, which are the bums, might say, “Nahh, brah. Just chill. No need to stress about your next career move. Life will give you what you need. Now pass me that joint.”

To be honest, I was tempted to be the bum. I mean to just sit back, relax, and not have to worry about getting a salary increase just so I can afford a new phone or a shiny car --it’s liberating to not have to think of those. Fuck the system! I live my life how I want and it’s not going to be made up by the things conventional society equates as success. That was my thought process. 

Part of me wanted to do this because I wanted to rebel against my parents who taught me that I should work hard, stick at a job for 40 years, save, invest etc. I wanted to go against their wishes and prove that I can live a happy life too without having to follow that formula.

I look at people, who in the eyes of the materialistic, have supposedly made it and as much as I want to be jealous, I can’t. The lucky ones -the rich and genuinely happy types- those. Those are the people I envy. But those who seem to have it all but are still unhappy? Those are the people I pity the most. Their relationships are dysfunctional. They treat people like shit. They don’t have time to do what they want. These are some of the things people often overlook when evaluating a person’s success.

So where does this leave me? I want to be successful but I don’t want to be a slave to money either. I want to enjoy life but I don’t want to die not having made a difference. Which way do I go?

After reading some of Steve’s stuff again, I got my answer. You have to drive otherwise your car is going to crash but ALSO don’t forget to enjoy the ride and appreciate the beauty that’s around you.

Okayyy? So what does this mean? 

It means you have to strive in life but only strive for the things that are truly worth it to you: your purpose, your passion. Something that you truly love. Something you believe will make the world just a tiiiiny bit better once you leave it.

And in the process of doing that, you reach your highest potential and become the person you were meant to be, a dent in human existence and not just someone who passed.

And let’s not forget to sit back once inawhile and enjoy what beauty life has to offer us. Even if you’re just sitting down in front of your computer reading this, take a few seconds to detach from this article and realize how astronomically lucky you are to even be here. Take a moment to process that. Feel thankful. And if you can, my friend, try feeling this in your everyday life. Never forget how fortunate you are to be able to experience this existence.

I want to become a minimalist and in my efforts to be one, I have developed a list of minimalist “gurus” that I regularly follow online. One thing that stood out to me was that most of these minimalists are guys. There’s quite a few women there too but the minimalist arena is mostly dominated by men. 

Because we’re talking about women here, I thought I might share with you some of my favorite feminimalists (ha!):

http://simplerabbit.com/

http://minimalistwoman.com/

http://www.minimalstudent.com/

I especially love the rabbit one but the blog unfortunately hasn’t been updated since 2011. :(

Anyway, the reason why I’m writing this post is to question whether women are capable of being minimalists. What, with many products targeted to women, it’s no wonder why it’s hard for some of us to become minimalists. You have your clothes, makeup, toiletries, kitchen appliances, furniture, home decor and God knows what more there is out there. 

I don’t know about you but I like spending hours at the mall just looking at stuff. It’s evolution. I’m a woman. My sex is programmed to gather but instead of gathering shit, I just look at them and hold myself back from buying because #priorities. I’m not surprised why most products are aimed at women. We  are easy targets. We women just like to buy and accumulate shit!

Tell you what, how about you go to the mall this weekend and do a little experiment. Look around and take note of the difference between the number of items sold to women to the number of items sold to men. Notice how there are more shops with products made especially for women than there are for men.

I have seen this myself. In the mall near where I live, the women’s section at the department store takes up one and a half floor of the building while the men’s section only takes up about a half. In the same floor where the men’s section is located, there’s an area solely dedicated to women’s beauty products. Face masks, serums, lipsticks, perfumes, curling irons, foot pads. The works.

Don’t you think it’s funny that it’s like this? I mean who the fuck needs footpads? People back then lived through life without having to stick a fucking footpad under their foot. Oh your feet hurts. Is it because your heels are too high that why you need those stupid-ass footpads? Well I am fucking sorry but I just can’t feel remorse for any idiot who falls for the media’s invention of the idea that heels are “sexy”. I think it’s just a load of bullcrap!

That escalated quickly huh? Okay. Calming down in 3, 2, 1..

I believe by now you can already tell that most of my anger is directed towards the beauty and fashion industry. I hate that these businesses are making money off women’s insecurities and that many of us women actually fall for it (even me sometimes!). We buy bulks of make up and toiletries in the hopes that our hair becomes shinier, skin smoother, lashes longer, vaginas smell better etc. 

And when all the beauty work is done, we still end up feeling like shit because the beauty industry has yet again created a new beauty standard that women can cry about for not having. Anything but what’s in front of the mirror is adequate so we buy and buy all this useless beauty fluff shit only to feel even more insecure later. It’s a horrendous cycle I tell you.

And this, my friends, is why women cannot be minimalists. In TV ads or any ad for that matter, you are told that you have to have the latest mascara, the latest cellulite cream, the latest shoes. It’s so crazy. I rarely see this message targeted towards men except for cars and razors maybe but don’t you see the huge disparity?

Okay scratch what I said. Women can be minimalists but it's going to take a lot of hard work. Just look at me. Once in awhile, I will fall into the rabbit hole and end up buying shit I don’t really need. Oh look fake witch nails so I can be a bad bitch like Rihanna! An eyebrow pencil so I can ride on the thick brow bandwagon! What about that Victoria Secret lingerie so my man will fuck me?

See how ridiculous it is?

I strongly believe the beauty and fashion industry plays a huge role in the challenge for women to consume less. I mean just look at fashion trends. Just awhile ago, mullet skirts were in. Today, you wouldn’t want to get caught dead wearing them. One day, bold prints are in. The next day, normcore is hot. Then a season later, crazy prints are in again. What the hell? I get exhausted just thinking about it.

You see, when you follow fashion and beauty trends, it makes you feel good temporarily but it won’t be long until the industry changes the trends again and you have to go with it and buy another set of trendy shit that’ll eventually become useless once the trends change again. You end up having more shit. Also, do you seriously want to be just like everyone else following what’s in or do you want to beautiful in your own unique way?

You choose.

For me, the solution to this dilemma is simple really: Just stop giving fucks. Stop it. Fashion trends? Do not give a fuck. Beauty ideals? Do not give a fuck. Cara de la Who spotted wearing crotch-less pants and everyone’s caught on it? Not worth giving your fuck. 

If you need a role model, look no further than Miley Cyrus. Bitch seriously does not give a single fuck. She lets her tits hang out whenever she wants, smokes a blunt fatter than her arm, puts glitter on her eyelids because she sparkles like a star baby, dyes her armpit hair because why not and rolls on mud with her pig and poof, it’s on a magazine cover.

Okay. Maybe that’s taking things a little too extreme but I think you get the point. Life becomes way livable when you stop wasting your energy trying to live up to society’s standard of beauty. I know it’s not that easy to give up your fucks because we women were brought up to like nice things like clothes and makeup but sometimes, these media messages can go too far that you have to know where it crosses the line. Mine crosses at labia lighteners. I just fucking can’t.

This isn’t to say that you should stop looking after yourself. I mean, you can dress neatly. Maybe even shower and stuff. Moisturize and put a little sunblock before heading out but other than that, I don’t see the necessity of certain beauty products. They’re just a headache waiting to happen when you have to pack up and clean your stuff.

Instead of walking through isles of clothes and make up (like me), I suggest you sit down and reevaluate your priorities. Realize just how financially held back you are because of all this useless shit the beauty and fashion industry tells you to buy.

When you spend less time distracting yourself through shopping and obsessing over your looks, you’ll find that you have more time to do things that really matter such as lying down on your bed and thinking about your existence or even better, afford experiences you otherwise couldn’t have afforded back then when you had to buy useless beauty crap you felt you needed to have.

Let this be a lesson ladies. Beauty doesn’t have to come from a shade of lipstick or a flowy skirt. It can simply radiate from within through an act of kindness towards a fellow human being or a smile on your face despite a shitty day. You don’t need all this shit  the media tells you can make you beautiful. 

You already are beautiful just the way you are. No bullshit. I promise.

Life is already crazy enough in the real world. Don't let you digital life make it worse. Here's what you should do to maintain a simple digital life.

Music. Delete the songs you don’t listen to anymore or better yet, download Spotify and create your own playlist. I know what you’re thinking. “But I might want to listen to Kelis’ Milkshake in the future, just not now.”, you say. If you don’t like listening to it now, you will never. Let it go and make way for more beautiful and meaningful music to come into your life.

Movies. Delete the movies you didn’t enjoy watching and create a folder dedicated to only the ones that moved you. I have Pacific Rim in my folder and have probably watched it seven times. Yes, it’s ridiculous. No, don’t ask me why liked Pacific Rim. I loved the movie so much that I spent a whole day making this. 

Photos and videos. Separate your photos and videos by folder and organize them according to months and years. Avoid taking too many photos of the same thing.

I’m a little bit guilty of this. More often than not, I will take more than one photo of something because I want to get the perfect picture. The consequence comes later when I am forced to decide which ones I have to delete. I hate having to look at a photo album with too many photos of the same thing. It’s a waste of time and bytes. 

I suggest you start deleting unwanted photos and videos straight from the camera that way you won’t have a hard time sorting through them later when you upload it on your computer.

Word documents. Sort your word documents according to purpose. Is it for work? Notes? Journal? Business? Sexts? Whatever it is, sort them. No one likes to go through a folder with all sorts of documents only arranged in alphabetical order without as much concern of which areas in your life they serve a purpose for.

eBooks. Some of us (ehem), especially the book worm types, have this strange habit of hoarding books. We find a book we’re interested in, put them in our to-read later list only to find that book a year later, still unread. With eBooks, it’s easier to do that especially since they don’t require that much space except for a few kilobytes. It still adds to the clutter though so if you can, delete some of the old eBooks lying around your computer. If you haven’t read it in a year, delete it. If you think you’re going to need this book someday, delete it anyway. Trust me. You are never going to read it.

Desktop. The only thing you should see on your desktop are the programs that you regularly use. The rest, you can always use the search bar in case you need them.

Dormant programs. These are programs which you may have installed in the past but you don’t use anymore. How do you know you don’t need a program anymore? Typically it will say in the detail the last time you used a program. If it’s been quite some time, you might not really need it and you need to remove it from your computer.

Delete “friends”. I’m talking about Facebook friends. How much is too much? Dunbar number says 150 and I see people having almost 5000 friends. Nobody has that too many friends! Imagine opening a news feed full of ramblings and opinions from people you wouldn't give the time of day. Do you really want that? Only keep the ones your personally know on your friends list and delete those that you don’t. Same goes for other social media accounts. Delete or unfollow those who don’t really matter to you.

Email subscriptions. I know people who have thousands of unopened emails in their inbox. Sometimes I wonder how is it possible to even come to that. I can only think of one thing: email subscriptions. 

Do this everyday: check your email inbox and if you see an email from a site that you don’t want to receive emails from anymore, go to the very bottom of the email and find the Unsubscribe button. It’s doesn’t take much but it makes a whole lot of a difference the next time you open your email.

Browser plugins. Plugins are easy to install and rarely removed. I get a headache just looking at my browser toolbar and seeing a useless plugin just sitting there. One word: Uninstall!

Phone apps. When I got my very first iPod, I became enamored by what it could do that I downloaded whatever app I found interesting until my data for the day ran out. There was even once where I downloaded 20+ note apps just so I can see which one was the best. Ahh, the paradox of choice. I realized how stupid that was because I wasted my time and data on something as mundane as an app that could take notes. Haha. Don’t be like me my friends. Take a look at your phone and evaluate which apps you only really need. Delete what you don’t need.

Delete, delete, delete. Haven’t I said delete enough? Oh gahd do I love deleting stuff. Even a coworker pointed out my habit of removing tabs and she told me that I should stop doing it because I might need it later. Might. Need. Haha. I just laughed. 

Anyways, I think the reason why Delete is the magic word here is because in today’s digital world, it’s so easy to accumulate clutter when everything is within easy reach whether it’s a book, an album or an online article. 

So if you want your already crazy digital life to become less crazy, make that Delete button your new friend.

The world is a jungle. And if you want my advice, Anthony, don't expect happiness. You won't get it. People let you down. And I'm not naming any names, but in the end, you die in your own arms. It's all a big nothing. What makes you think you're so special?

-Livia Soprano

Of course, she's right. Even if you find love for a while, there are a million ways to lose it. Chances are most of us will be alone for a big part of our lives. No one will be kissing us passionately, hugging us like nobody else. Happy eyes will become sad in one night. People will let us down.

There is no way to heartbreak-proof your life. People change their minds. One day, you are everything. The next day, you are nothing. Sparkles go missing and are never found again.

At times like this, though, it's important to know WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL. You can't just have a vague idea. You have to know exactly who you are and what you believe in. You have to know how you want to live, even if it is all a big nothing. That takes time.