Shit My Girlfriend Says @two-sleepy-saphics - Tumblr Blog

“I bought it last night”

“I know, I like the smell of freshish bread”

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Her: I’m gonna go eat a cornetto.

Me: actually it’s a drumstick

Her: Ice. Cream. Cylinder.

Me:… it’s a cone

Her: reads this* “if you got time to lean, you got time to start running”

It’s Higher Education… Higher learning sounds like I’m trying to figure out where my toes are”

Your balls have been adjusted. Pray I do not adjust them further.

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Roller coasters don’t really appear in the wild

I’d like to see that on a sign “Welcome to Hell, We Got Issues”

To the tune of Blame it All on my Roots.

Blame it all on my beans,

I shart in my jeans,

And soiled my new underwear.

I imagine most people get the wiring wrong when they’re building with their dick.

Bit of context, I just learned about Shabbat and the not using electronics. Mostly talking about lights and that there’s little LED lights on most necessary appliances…

I go “what happens for the lights at Christmas time?” Long pause… “OOOOOH”

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Ok but what if you see a cockroach, and a spider, two cats, and a Mormon jump on it.

#shit my girlfriend says #gay #funny quotes

Me: I swear I worked 30 hours last week, not 27…

Her *with sock on her hand, in a high puppet voice*: corporate fraud is hard to get away with if you have evidence.

Her: *Leg goes numb* it may not look like it but I’m furiously wiggling my toes. You won’t believe the wiggles in my toes right now.

Me: *very sleepily sings* 🎶 Choot Chuggah, Chuggie chuggie 🎶 to the tune of Fruit Salad by The Wiggles

If you put the pizza in the oven… the pizza will be cooked.

Oven the pizza please.

Look, honey, the homos are in bloom!

#funny quotes #gay #pride #lgbtq #queer

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Today our gender is Productivity. Our pronouns shall be We/Will.

#gender #gf #girlfriend #gay #pronouns #shit to do

Didn’t even spell it right, it’s just stupid and horny

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