I feel the worst thing about depression is how un-you you feel.
If you have it for long enough, say, your whole life, you're pretty much always living a half-life.
I do feel alive when the sun is on my face and someone compliments me and means it and it's sunny but a little cold outside and the flowers are blooming and I'm joking, laughing, running free and the birds are dancing, singing, mating.
I do feel alive when I'm getting a new tattoo and excited to show it to my friends and tell them what it means to me and watching strangers be kind to each other.
I do feel alive when a fresh cold rain is pelting my skin because I went outside to stand in it just when it started pouring the hardest.
I do feel alive yelling all the words to every song that illicits any fucking emotion from me.
I do feel alive when catching the perfect photo of a cloud or lizard or stray cat or carspotting, dogspotting, the crows are interacting with me.
I do feel alive when i am loved and loving.
And yeah yeah, that's all very fucking beautiful
But doesn't make this monster on my shoulders any less heavy.
