TWAN

Most people think of traveling as this amazing adventure where everything is fun and new and exciting. But most people don't realise that traveling alone can be extremely reclusive. From city to city for the last 2 weeks i'v been traveling through L.A and San Fran, and in this time i'v met some absolutely amazing people, but i'v also had to leave all those people as well. My life has revolved around my friends and coming from a coastal town i'v kept the same ones in my life since primary school, so i'm not accustom to making these amazing connections with other humans then packing up shop and moving on to the next place, knowing in my heart i will never see them again. As i'm writing this on my 8 hour bus ride to a new place i realise i have no one, not a single human in a one thousand kilometre radius has any idea who i am. I've never felt such an eery belittling feeling before, the gut wrenching feeling of emptiness and in knowing that the person that was always there to fill this void is now a combination of letters and emojies arrayed on my lcd screen, full-filling  her own goals and aspirations. It is a roller coaster ride of emotions that come and go from hour to hour. The fear, the relief, the jealousy, the self loathing, the enthusiasm, the despair and the unknown. All spilt out of this vessel from which no one can see and only I can feel, you carry these burdens of angst everywhere you go, wondering what day it is going to be until everything just falls apart. For me that was nearly today, for others it could be years. But still i don't think anyone can be seldom in wanting this feeling for more time than is needed. As lucky as i am to have this opportunity to take life by the reins and ride it into the sun set, sometimes the timing of doing it isn't right. Maybe i will find emotional freedom here, but un till i do i will have to be accept these prevalent feelings. In time this too shall pass.