Shit Tropers Say (About Touhou*) (*sometimes)

Bocaj: I like that series. This one wasn't as good as the previous installments but it was still okay.

Fawriel: Whoa I hope you're not counting the part involving Flandre and her chest that is bigger than Remilia's

SDM: It makes sense that Flandre would have a large chest. She has a lot of things that she needs to store: gold, jewels, magic swords...

Fawriel: No, SDM, you are a silly man. She needs it for her biiig heart.

SDM: The one she keeps in a jar of formaldehyde?

Major Tom: Eientei, for the simple fact it's run by one of the biggest and most adorable trolls in the history of Gensokyo, one Tewi Inaba.

Durazno: Holy cow, that would be an epic War of the Trolls, wouldn't it? Can Satori's mind-reading overcome Tewi's age and experience? ding ding!

Metaflare: If Tewi knew what she was up against, she could probably make her thoughts lie

Makuta: Tewi is not the god-damn Batman.

SDM: Eerily prescient. You're not a satori, are you?

Durazno: I thought you were! Or are you just asking to be polite?

SDM: You tell me.

Bocaj: A girl and her kaiju. How heart-warming.

Taker Foxx: I pity the poor person who'd have to teach that class. You know all those times I got burned by canon? I've since come to the conclusion that the canon makes no. Sense. At. All!

Clarste: What's the resource?

SDM: Power. Shinki has no need for such trifling mortal accoutrements as "money" and "building materials" when with enough Power she can create whatever she wants out of the aether. She gets an overall Faith rating based on how many followers she has and pleased they are, and Faith determines the rate at which Power is generated.

Makuta: So if she has negative Faith, she loses power? Or is it a Game Over at zero faith?

SDM: It's a bit more complicated than that. Faith is basically equivalent to "happiness" or "approval rating" in another game. It's calculated as a percentage for each individual citizen and then averaged. Each citizen generates n Power per tick at 100% and less the less Faithful she is, not necessarily at the same percentage as her Faith percentage. It would be next to impossible to get every citizen down to 0%, but if you did, that would just mean 0 Power income. However, most things have a Power upkeep cost that's subtracted from your income rate. If you have negative Power income and no Power in reserve, Shinki's magic starts to fail; some of her enchantments fade, and random buildings start to collapse and disappear. Everything that's destroyed recovers a bit of power, and things are destroyed until you break even. It happens again if you run out of Power again, and if it happens too much, you get a Game Over.

Durazno: Sounds like there'd be a bit of Unstable Equilibrium to it - after all, who can keep faith in you when your buildings are falling on their heads? That isn't a bad thing though; the UE aspect could be used to limit the length of games. There wouldn't be a situation where you discover that you lost any hope of winning thirty turns ago without realizing it, you know what I mean?

Bocaj: I think it's got to be something she can put in her mouth.

Fawriel: ;)

Bocaj: I'm probably too old and too male to be a loli.

SDM: I would be hesitant to describe most Touhou characters in those terms too, but that's neither here nor there.

Bocaj: Well, a lot of them are old. And some of them are paradoxically old and lolis. Like Remilia and Flandre.

SDM: No, I meant I wouldn't them "lolis", but now that I think about it, that's probably just because I dislike the term itself and don't really know what it's supposed to mean. It's the same reason I would never call anything "moe".

Durazno: I wasn't using it seriously, anyway. As far as I know, it just means "young girl or being that takes the form of a young girl", creepy lecherous undertones optional but hard to escape.

Metaflare: I describe lolis as "little anime girls that tend to get raped in art"

Bocaj: Somewhat of a narrow definition.

Metaflare: But accurate.

Past!Bocaj: Stage one or two boss is Yuyuko because there's always/generally a few red herrings before Reimu's intuition steers her in the right way.

Bocaj: Holy crap, talk about a stopped watch, amirite?

Taker Foxx: It would seem that you have gained psychic abilities. You must now only use these powers for evil, because it's so much more fun.

Horseless Horseman: Or the Touhou fan hive mind is connected by ZUN.

Metaflare: I am we, for we are many. WE ARE TOUHOU.

SDM: I'll admit: sometimes, Touhou fans do seem to be under the universal control of a single insane, inscrutable consciousness.

Bocaj: Neat. I always wanted to be part of a hive mind.

Makuta 9999: ZUN isn't insane, just drunk.

SDM: No, don't you see? ZUN is its enemy! That's why he wants to stop his work from spreading beyond the usual reach of doujin games; he accidentally created it, and now he's trying to stop its influence from expanding even further.

Bocaj: So, here's the deal as I understand it. First, Eiki has an epic hat. So, her portrait is panned up to display her epic hat which makes her look shorter then the other character portraits. Dos, Komachi is depicted as hugetall and describe as imposing, so fanartists like to play up the height thing by making Komachi hugetall and Eiki smallshort to contrast. Of course, one could argue that another reason for the smallshort depiction is to have yet another loli character. This may also be true.

SDM: Because if there's one thing that this fandom is more full of than necrophiles, it's paedophiles.

Cassie: the correct analogy would be "Everyone's Touhou for Touhou" instead of "Everyone's pedo for Touhou" because real pedos are out there hunting girls. We are out here discussing about girls. No crime in the latter.

SDM: The "I'm not a paedophile, I'm a lolicon!" claim is similar to the "I'm not a paedophile, I'm an ephebophile!" claim in that nobody cares what particular sub-variety of creepy weirdo the defendant is: no matter what, he's still a creepy weirdo.

: The kind of person who's going to call someone out as a paedophile is never going to be convinced to make any exceptions.

Cassie: A person who calls out anyone of any specific closet desire is infact possessing the bigger skeleton in the closet oneself.

Fawriel: Now, now, Cassie, don't put SDM on the spot. He just doesn't like to brag about that time he slayed that gargantuan fell beast and saved the entirety of Australia from its wrath. The only reason he has to keep its skeleton in his closet is to ensure he's nearby when it resurrects!

SDM: Is this where your crackpot theory about hats came from?

Bocaj: That came from field research. Spent years studying the Touhous in the Mist.

Yarrunmace: Considering that only 11 of the 60 or so Touhoues were in the mist, I believe that your subset of the population is too low to draw a sufficient consensus.

Bocaj: Yeah. I eventually had to buy a fog machine to cart around. Fog isn't strictly the same thing as mist but in terms of affecting question validity there's no significant difference.

Horseless Horseman: Fog is denser than mist. It changes everything!

Bocaj: Clearly you don't understand statistics. They have different tests for these kinds of situations and different ways of accounting for it.

SDM: And one such test is spying on the subjects' mating rituals? I'm not sure how ethical this "science" of yours is.

Bocaj: Accepted scientific method. Its believed that if you're known to be present, even if you don't participate, it changes behavior and skews the results.

SDM: It's an invasion of privacy! Youkai might be uncivilized savages, but they still have rights! The Interdimensional Anthropology Oversight Committee will hear about this! You can count on it!

Bocaj: Participant observation is for chumps. Chumps like you. You're a chump.

Bocaj: Clarste, you might be a zooooombie! Does anybody remember the warning signs of a zooooombie?

Ace of Scarabs: You get a hankering for brains and start slurring?

Clarste: All the time.

Bocaj: Do you ever get the urge to serve as an allegory for an aspect of American society?