running with 𝑾𝑶𝑳𝑽𝑬𝑺 .

i know that not everyone is caught up on all of the lore . there are people that have screenshots and whatnot of me saying some nasty things in various contexts regarding people i've had conflicts with in the past . i've said awful things in emotionally elevated moments , almost always in the context of believing i had a safe space to vent frustrations .

this is not a matter of mutually assured destruction , and if you think it is you're missing the point . the people i know are truly my friends are the people that would 1 understand the progress i've made as a person since even the most recent of these conflicts and allow me the space to either disprove or take accountability for and figure out how to learn from ANYTHING i've done that's hurt someone whether i knew it or not . but they're also the people who wouldn't be trying to escalate a conflict they know can only CAUSE fallout everywhere when we could all just peacefully coexist . there's a reason it's taken me so long to speak on a lot of this , and why i've withheld so much even now .

so i was apparently wrong . according to what ive been told there is some backlash and / or disbelief that i could possibly just want to exist in a place where i'm not constantly witch hunted and antagonized by multiple different parties ( based almost entirely on libel ) while i try to heal from my actual real human life , so i just figured i should let you know guys know i finally tried to kill myself the other day 🤍

out of fear of being made to look like someone attempting to play the victim when there are TINY crumbs of truth spread among outrageous rumors and lies based in pettiness and gossip and assumptions , i haven't said one word outside of a select few dms ( many of which are among the SEVERAL people who have made this post necessary ) about COUNTLESS malicious , toxic , and downright childish behaviors displayed toward me despite everything i've attempted to juggle in real life at the same time . and every safe space ive thought i had since the first huge trauma has turned out to not be safe for me . but that's apparently ENTIRELY my fault so once again i'll take accountability when no one else wants to .

i'm sorry that i've shared so much of myself on this site . i'm sorry that i've acted human and made mistakes . i have and will ALWAYS take accountability when i do something wrong , but what i will not do is continue to allow this to snowball to a place where i'm getting people telling me about attempts to antagonize me or destroy my character multiple times a week . i'm sorry that i'm so scared of conflict that i've let anyone and their mom say whatever they want about me and kept my mouth shut . and i'm sorry it took me this long to grow a backbone .

unfortunately i only have screenshots to disprove some of the slander that's been leveled toward me , and i honestly just don't even have the energy to expose everything i do have , so i'm just going to give y'all what i can to prove that i'm just trying to exist and do what i love . truthfully i'm not even sure why i'm giving the respect of retaining names but you know what ? everyone involved already knows who they are and how they've contributed and why , so it's not my goal to tear anyone down beyond clearing my own name .

and then i'm going to block anyone that i feel necessary to protect my peace , something you all love to champion until it's me doing it . and then i'm going to do some replies for the people i know know and care about me and continue to write characters i love and heal my relationship with media that's been all but ruined and run my page how i want to run it . and i'm going to be incredibly selective about who i open myself up to in the future .

this place is my escape from shit you guys know absolutely nothing about and i will not let snowball fallout from mistakes i made in the past and petty behavior over who i write with ruin that for me . i just wont . if you need to go unfollow or block after reading any of this have at it , i am perfectly content to write with the people that have bothered to get to know and understand my true character .

FOR THE PERSON WHO TALKS A LOT.

i heard you speak.

why don't you ever want to talk to me?

you can understand me.

are you at least going to ask me my name?

you could at least say thank you.

i just saved your life.

you spoke to them! why won't you speak to me?

are you going to say something back?

let's just stand here in awkward silence.

feels like i'm talking to myself half the time.

you don't have a lot to say.

could you at least tell me your name?

great conversation.

i'll do all the talking.

i think i'm owed an explanation.

will you please answer me?

could you at least give me a yes or no answer?

not a fan of talking, huh?

you don't have to talk if you don't want to.

i guess you don't owe me a thing.

i'm just going to call you [nickname] for now, until i learn your real name.

i know you can understand me.

where are you going?

you can't just leave me here!

what do you want me to do while you're gone?

feels like i'm talking to a wall.

i'm just going to pretend you said yes to that.

did you just huff?

don't roll your eyes at me.

if you'd just tell me what it is you want...

this would go a lot smoother if you communicated with me.

you don't work well with strangers.

if i knew what you needed, i'd help.

believe it or not, i want to help you.

this would be so much easier if i had your name.

FOR THE PERSON WHO DOESN'T TALK MUCH.

not now.

get behind me.

not yet.

wait.

stay here.

is that it?

you're welcome.

stop talking.

not interested.

are you done?

i have nothing to say.

talking is a waste of time.

i let my actions speak for themselves.

stop that.

nice try.

go.

get out of here.

you're being loud.

that's enough.

i don't like people.

words are useless.

see that?

you don't need my name.

get lost.

no more.

i'll handle it.

not this again.

leave me alone.

i don't like strangers.

Yeah, exactly. I don’t know. To be honest, if my dad was still here, I’d probably still be doing this shit.