we wrote our own story

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

I don't feel like I'm asking for too much, but then again maybe I am.

I could care less if you don't like him or his music. But you know I do. And you know sharing negative things with me is going to irritate me, so what is your point??

I've been watching Dawson's Creek for the past few days, and it's honestly made me feel conflicted. It's a show that explores every part of being a teenager, and I find myself crying as Zi watch. I cry because I can't relate to any of it. I really don't have any good or decent teenage memories. Sure, I had fun sometimes. But it wasn't the kind that I wish it was. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I didn't get sucked up into the crowd I would've had to be apart of if I had the conventional teenage life. I'm glad that I had long distance frudvdships, and I'm glad I had most of my good experiences out of town. But as I watch Dawson's Creek, I keep wishing that I would've had the chance to have boyfriends, and date, and go out on the weekends. I don't mean party or get drunk all the time. I would've wanted friends with boundaries and good values like on Dawson's Creek. I know it's just a show, but I know some of it exists in reality. I just never found it myself. I never really had a best friend I could go to with anything like Joey had Dawson. I never got to experience having my first kiss when I was 15 or even before I was 18. I just didn't get that experience. So now, Im 21. And it's hitting me that I did miss out on a lot. I wouldn't call it skipping the party phase, because even if I could've went through that, I wouldn't have. I just went straight into having a 3 year long distance relationship. I went straight into taking all of my college classes online. And the two friends I have here in my town include a girl with an older boyfriend who complicates her life more than anything so she can't really do things that friends are supposed to do together. And the other one is my brothers fiancé who if given the choice would choose to go get drunk with people who could care less about her. I know I've never technically been alone. But the truth is, I always have been. And I'm trying to be okay with it now. I'm trying to accept that my teenage years just weren't the ones where I find friendship and love and happiness. I guess sooner or later I'll get to know what it's like to have a friendship like joey and dawson and get to experience a relationship that's here and not so far away. And I won't feel so alone.

2am and a Justin Bieber song comes on. He makes me so mad like he's my damn brother. He's irritating and just so hard to like sometimes. But God knows that I can never not love him. Since 2009 I've stood up for him like he's my best friend. It always physically and emotionally hurts me when someone speaks poorly about him. I know he can be a jerk. I know he can be an asshole. I know he's been rude to many people. But y'all. I love him anyway. Because growing up feeling like sometimes Justin Bieber was all you had...It seriously makes you feel like he's a part of you. A part of your family. A part of your life. In the past I've been what people would call a "crazy obsessed fan girl" and they probably still think that about me. But I have grown up a lot. I don't follow Justin's every move on social media anymore. I don't always watch him when he's on tv. I'm just not right up under him like I used to be. But every single time I remember getting to hug him 4 years ago...I smile so big. That day still means THE WORLD to me and I could care less what anyone thinks. So yeah, he's messed up. He sucks sometimes. I don't like him sometimes. He does stupid crap like cancel his tour without giving a reason. He hurts our feelings sometimes. But I love him. Ya know... Sometimes we have brothers or boyfriebds that are rude to us. Sometimes they do things that piss us off. But we continue to love them because we know there's a better person in there. I don't know too many guys in their 20s that act right 100% or even 50% of the time. None of them really know what they're doing a lot if the time. Just because he's in the spotlight and we hear every detail of his life doesn't give anyone a right to criticize him and hate him and purposefully be hateful and rude to him. I'm not defending his bad actions and mistakes, by no means. But if Justin needs anything from us, it's prayer for guidance in a better direction. Honestly, I'd give anything just to be able to meet him again. Because I appreciate it more now that he has flaws and I realize it more now that he is not perfect. I would give anything just to sit with him and tell him that if he ever needed a friend that would pray for him and uplift him and just have his back when so many others turn on him. I want so badly to tell him that I know there's a good person in him. And that it's okay to make mistakes if you learn from them. And I wish I could hug him and tell him and remind him that God loves him through everything. That's what Justin Bieber needs to hear and be reminded everyday. Not that he sucks or he's a bad person or just hearing people act like he's the scum of the earth. So yeah. Maybe to many people I'm still a "crazy obsessed fan girl" But that's fine. Because even though Justin Bieber can aggravate me like crazy sometimes, he's like family in my eyes. And I love him anyway. Because that's what I'm supposed to do. Not because I'm a loyal supportive fan. But because that's what we should all do.

This song is so relatable to anyone that has parents who got divorced when you were older. I have never related to a song so much in my life. My parents got divorced 4 years ago and this song hits me just like it was yesterday. "Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love. Sometimes two homes are better than one. Some things you can't tell your sister cause she's still too young. Yeah, you'll understand when you love someone." The references to having problems in school remind me of the hard times I had at school during my parents' divorce. The reference to the room staying the same reminds me of my room at the house I lived in for 17 years. I've barely charged anything in that room in 4 years because it still hurts to think about changing it. There's just so much about this song that takes me back to 3-4 years ago. Horrible memories flooded back. But it's nice to have something to relate to, so I know I'm not the only one that went through it.