This time last year, my ex and I were driving from Indianapolis to Dallas. This was after a plane ride where he made me cry the entire time. Guilting me and shaming me because one of his exes had anonymously messaged me about how he went to prison and he never told me. He blamed this and my shock and hurt on why our relationship was failing. He peppered in petty insults throughout this journey to see my parents in Texas as well as reminded me where I would be without him and what I stood to lose if I left. This was also the trip he taught me “how to lie”, to not talk too much and give too many details. Something that served him well throughout our relationship and long before and long after me. 

When we arrived, he told me how grateful I should be to have had him drive us and how I would never find another man that would do that for me and that I needed to post it on social media to show everyone how good he is to me. This is merely 12 hours after I told him that he didn’t have to come to Dallas with me because the flights were so crazy on non-revenue standby and he told me that he wanted to go because otherwise it would make him look bad. A common thought process for him, always focused on how he appeared to others. 

After arriving, the time spent together was touch and go. He put his façade back on that I had fallen in love with in front of my parents. Until we were behind closed doors again. The biggest fight I remember was when my cousin (who he hated vehemently) was baptizing her children and I wanted to go. He told me that I was complicit in child abuse because baptisms and churches are brainwashing to him. He wouldn’t allow it with our kids. He then told me that if I went to the baptism that I was putting that before our relationship and that he wouldn’t consider us on track to get engaged anymore. It was shocking to say the least in the moment of it all. It’s all pretty laughable now typing it out.

Last year was such a low and dark place. Fighting so hard to stay with my narcissist abuser. Every day was draining and I felt trapped because he had moved me into his apartment within the first month of our relationship and I was hundreds of miles away from any family and friends. He also had me working minimum hours most months because it was “hurting our relationship” and I “needed to make sacrifices” so I didn’t have enough money saved up ever to leave if I needed to. His compromise was that he didn’t force me to quit my job, something I found out later he did to countless women before me. 

I needed to vent that a bit but that’s not why I’m back on this abandoned tumblr page. I’m grateful. I’m so very grateful for my life now. I’m happy, I’m safe, I’m with my family and friends, and I have someone. The women that I met through this dark, awful time are so wonderful. More than 20 of us have found each other from before and after him. And found mainly through my and other women’s posts that have been made by them throughout the internet. Tumblr, wordpress, twitter, facebook, instagram, tiktok, you’d be surprised. I only ever reached out to one woman first as well as some of her friends in an effort to protect her and it blew up in my face and honestly, it wasn’t my right to go find her and show her information she wasn’t ready for. I’m deeply sorry for that. Besides that one incident, the rest found me or some of the other girls and reached out to us. I genuinely feel that our lives are bettered by having each other in it. I’ve become so close to so many of them that 4 of them are now considered my best friends and I will without a doubt have them in my wedding. The rest are invited haha. I love them dearly.

But again, still not why I’m here again on Thanksgiving Day. A lot of these women were and are left scared by him and what he’s done to us, including all the hacking attempts which thankfully for me, have FINALLY stopped for some time now. I’m scared of him still, genuinely. Even after PTSD therapy and it being 9 months since I left him, hearing about him or having him mentioned just wracks me with anxiety. A lot of these women still keep tabs on him because it makes them feel safe. I physically cannot do that because it brings up a lot. And to finally get to the point of all this...

If you have found me because you’re doing your research on this person or because he’s hurt you in some way, I’m so sorry. I’m genuinely so very sorry that this has happened to you and I understand what you’re going through. But I can’t be the one that you reach out to. I can’t do it anymore. I hope in some way that my previous post or this can make you feel validated because, you are valid and what you experienced is real. But I can’t have this in my life anymore and I told all the girls that too. We have our friendships that are beyond the joint trauma that we suffered but I can’t and won’t hear updates about this monstrous person. I can’t be there for you in your pain and I’m sorry but I’ve grown away from the idea that I’m responsible for his actions. I believed for the longest time that it was my responsibility to help women that he’s hurt because it was the least I could do but, he is not my responsibility. No matter what any of us do, he will hurt more and more people and that’s not anyone’s fault. It just is the way it is unfortunately. But I believe in you that you will be happier and will grow beyond this. 

This is the face of abuse.

This is the face of a covert narcissistic sociopath.

This is someone who doesn’t feel love, empathy, or any meaningful emotion. He just wants to use you, control you, and when you’ve wised up to it, spit you up and chew you out. He wants to make you feel crazy, he wants you to think you have mental health problems, he wants to convince you you’re abusive or manipulative and isolate you from the people you love most. He is crafty and will use all sorts of tools to accomplish it. He’s been doing it for over a decade to dozens of women including myself. 

And this is also the face of a girl who fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker. His emotional, financial, mental abuse. Unlike some of his other exes, I at least didn’t deal with his physical abuse and his violent outbursts, but my dog did. The love bombing tactics that he used on me made me fall, and fall hard. I moved in with him very quickly into our apartment in DC. We were together for a little more than 6 months. We went on trips together, met his family, he met mine in Dallas, and we were about to be engaged. To many people on the outside, it seemed picturesque. This was far from the truth.

He is not the perfect man he is trying to con you into thinking he is. Do any of these sound familiar to you?

Here are his common lies in the beginning.  -He’ll tell you he’s been abused by past relationships or how they all abused him. He’s never been in an abusive relationship. Almost all the exes know of each other and have banded together and there’s not one person who has ever hurt him in an abusive way. -He does not work as an agent for the government. He does not put away bad guys, he is not going overseas for work, he does not need to leave your date or your home in the middle of it because he has a mission he was just assigned. He creates grandiose stories about himself and his work that aren’t real.  This is all not true. At the time of my writing this, he’s working for a company called Blue Vector which is a company owned by Comcast.  Some of these examples didn’t happen to me but happened to the women before and after me.  -He is a felon, his conviction was never taken off his record as he might try to tell you and that gun that he’s showing you, is one he illegally owns. It was not given to him by any branch in the government (he told me Homeland).  -He will tell you stories to pity him. One about another ex named Grace (my name is also Grace) that died when she was 18 because she got into a car accident. They had had a fight and she left angry. Turns out the fight was about the fact that she had found out about him cheating on her which is something he has done in every relationship he’s ever had and continues to do so. He may also tell you about a drone strike that he “made a call on” where he blew up a building that was a child care center in Iraq. This is totally fabricated. He may tell you about how he’s briefed Obama, and Hillary Clinton and top officials for Trump. This is all false... -He’ll relate to you about all your dreams and wishes and hobbies etc. Then you’ll slowly see the change. It’s subtle but it gets more obvious with time. -He’ll convince you to have sex without a condom. I can’t tell you how many women he’s done this to. He’ll tell you he was just tested or how he has been single for 3-6 months and he’d know by then. This is all false... He was sleeping with women days and weeks before me and all throughout our relationship and then when he moved on to the next couple girls, it was all within days of myself and each other. No protection with any of them and that’s on his wanting to have that power in the situation. Even if you don’t believe anything that I’m saying, please believe this for your safety. Wear a condom, you are not the only one he is sleeping with. 

If you find out about his record, he’s going to tell you that it’s none of your business. He’s going to try to make you feel ashamed for even asking. He’s going to tell you that you’re bringing him back to a bad place mentally by bringing it up. He’s going to tell you that all the articles you read were wrong and that he has a group of people that are coming after him for the heroic deed he did. It wasn’t heroic. He did what he did for clout. If that’s hard to believe you can check his old Twitter where he live-tweeted the whole event. 

He’s left so many women afraid of him and they have every right to be. He has done some monstrous things. I’m not afraid of him anymore though. One thing he gets away with is that the last post made by one of his exes was from 10 years ago and some women don’t believe it. You should, just as I hope you believe me. I have no reason to lie to you and if anything I wish that I didn’t have to type this up or have gone through the experiences I did.

If you bring me up, he will tell you he has videos of my “abusing him”. Ask to watch them because they’re not. They’re videos he took of me when I was blacked out, the second time I tried to escape him. Specifically they are three videos that are less than 15 seconds each. I had broken up with him, packed my things and went out to drink, something I wasn’t allowed to do in our relationship because he wouldn’t let me, and blacked out a little after I got home. I was leaving the next morning when my dad was going to fly from Dallas to save me from the hell my life was with him in DC. I don’t remember much when I got home besides him berating me and harassing me, then my mind went blank. The videos he has is of him trying to goad me into saying things to him while I’m laying on the bed trying to sleep and I didn’t say what he wanted me to say and you’ll see that, if he allows you to see them. He may try to tell you that I used him and that I was an alcoholic or a liar or who knows what. Well, he said all those same exact things about his exes previous to me when I was with him. He told me that they used him for his money, emotionally and physically abused him, that they were nasty women, alcoholics, cheaters etc. The simple thing is I have all the proof and he will have none of it. I have screenshots and conversations with him and other women that he cheated on me with or cheated on other women with or that he dated as seriously as he’s dating you.

If any of you ever find this, please feel free to come to me. I’ll give you the proof, I’ll help you out just as so many of the other women helped me. We will all tell you. You’re not safe, get out. Get out now and get out fast. Get as far away from him as possible and DO NOT give him any of your passwords. Myself and many women before me dealt with his hacking into our accounts for weeks or months. In my case, he stole my old phone before I left (as well as knew some of my passwords), one that I never wiped and got into all my accounts. I have the screenshots to prove it and have given them to the police to help my case for a protection order against him. And don’t leave your dog alone with him. I don’t know all of what he did to my dog while I was on work trips but he at least physically hit him a couple of times (something he admitted to) and I had to stop him a couple of times when I caught him doing it when I was home. Some of the other women have stories of things he did to their dogs as well. 

 There are women here who want nothing but the best for you and if you have questions or need to talk then please feel free to reach out to me on any social media platform. They’re all the same username. I will connect you to others too because I know how convincing he is and how he will pin his word against mine and when you love someone, hearing one side isn’t enough and I completely understand it. So let me connect you to others that will tell you worse stories than mine.