Tumbled by Hand

You Decide... whether this resembles a sandwich, or beef, or anything that should be carved.

*cough, not actually anything close to crafted by hand, cough

Menu designers, something to consider: if your cooks use their hands in the kitchen, why not scream it at your patrons in 42-point font at the very top of your menu? (Side note: think about what strong hands it must take to form that Paul Bunyan burger, top left)

Forget acetic acid and chemical reactions: these are just minor players in the making of these glasses. Hands, however? Critical.

Things changed for Henry Weinhard when he realized he could spin his bizarre fetish for sticking his hands into vats of root beer into a slick-sounding marketing claim.

Virginia: where stoves are apparently nonexistent and hands have the magical ability to boil peanuts

Hey Stella - you left a few words out of that packaging claim: Made (in a massive Anheuser-Busch InBev-owned factory) with hand-picked apples.

OMG, you guys, I've found it: the finest hand-assembled item money can buy.

A tip, Java City: maybe spend less time thinking up bogus claims to display on your cups, and more time looking into alternatives to shitty styrofoam?

Oh, Hudson Whiskey, you make decisions so difficult! Your rye is Hand Crafted but your bourbon is Handmade... How do I choose? Which will look better in my liquor cabinet? Which will impress my friends more? WHICH INVOLVES MORE USE OF YOUR HANDS?!?

Hopefully the hands that prepared these "potato" chips were a lot more skilled than the hands that drew this logo

I went looking for more info on Patron's fancy two-ton stone... turns out it's moved by tractor. But never fear, at a crucial moment in their tequila-making process, hands do come into play! 

Extension cord: meet Portland.

Whoever works for Patron must have hella strong hands if they're using them to pick up that two-ton stone wheel every time they craft that complex taste. 

Here is my understanding of how you make beer: you boil a bunch of liquid for over an hour, and then anything that touches it after that has to be very carefully sanitized. At what point do your hands touch the beer?

The stickers that said "factory farmed" didn't go over so well...

For those days when Fido and Rex are completely fed up with their machine-packed dinner.