tsql jokes

When explaining to developers that product operator prevents the usage of index seek.

When smoke testing the new feature.

When running trigger based operations.

When deploying code to production server running on older version of framework.

When developer created a unique key, that allowed duplicates.

tsql jokes turned 2 today!

When indexing GUID to optimize my query performance.

When SQL Server installed on my phone, yield better performance results as one on dedicated server.

When SQL procedure for cleaning obsolete procedures, deletes itself.

When junior developer is giving crash course on query parallelism to overpaid external consultant.

When after outage junior developer is explaining how he altered just one line of TSQL code.

When unable to establish internet connection due to proxy settings.

When all my working tables in MASTER database have been deleted by DBA.

When in memory technology gives us opportunity to do all sorts of crazy test we always wanted to.

When killing a process that is deadlocking my process.

When returning to the office from conference with bag full of promotional merchandising for colleagues.

When committing my code 14 days prior to deadline.