i do *things*, not people

im going to attempt to not be mean for a two-week period starting now

Ew terrible idea

shut the fuck up

aw shit

haha noob

Shrek was go-karting in a tavern. He had a pixie with a revolver at his shoulder, and he rode with flaming fury.

tbh thats shrek for you

The world was ending and I had to save it with goblins, light creatures, fictional men, and Legos. It was trippy as hell.

this seems like a great idea for an indie dev

I was being forced to solve a two question long division worksheet as torture, and when I couldn’t do it, they lit my house on fire.

@coatabyss​ who is “they”

Yes

all of the math teachers who arent cool

I found a body in the woods and reported it to the police, only to find the same man alive and well in those same woods later. I tell him, “They found your body!” and he laughs. “No they haven’t,” he says. Then he pats a big bag hanging from a tree. “It’s right in here!” 

you found my hide and seek spot

im going to attempt to not be mean for a two-week period starting now

Ew terrible idea

shut the fuck up

aw shit

Why not attempt to be a good browser, Firefox

you’ve clearly actually never used firefox before because the browser is incredible and useful and doesn’t crash or steal your information like chrome does <3

i use bing, not lame stupid chrome, or good firefox

are u good?

I traveled to the past and some guy asked me what the future was like and I just answered “political” and he went, “Oh, so nothing changed.”

did you actually time travel?

i wanna be the guy that names all the paint colors

pinkple

thats yogurt

u good, fire fox?

the only bad joke be jeff

I am sending pain vibes your way. You will feel a lil discomfort on your leg

Ouch

Yeah

my thigh is internally bleeding, is this your doing?

no