Truelee Lovelee

02.25.2019

I'm feeling really bad about myself. I feel super fat. I'm scared out of my mind because I started a different version of my antidepressants today, and I don't want to gain any weight. I have binged the last two days after my vacation. I didn't exercise today. I'm scared I won't ever have the willpower to get to where I want to be. I'm filled with self doubt. I kind of hate who I am because I should have the willpower to get to where I want to be; I am an adult, not a toddler. I feel stupid and incapable. I feel ugly. I want to spend a bunch of money on clothes that I don't need with money I don't have- another example of my impulsiveness although this I can and do control. Small win. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I don't know how to change my thought processes. I'm tired and don't get enough sleep. I stay up later than I should for no apparent reason besides the fact that I don't want to go to sleep. Maybe there's a reason I don't want to go to sleep because I have nightmares every time I do. I wish I was normal. I wish that I was odd enough to embrace my eccentricities and express them. I was I could consolidate who I am and who I know I could be. I wish I could cleanse myself of everything that's holding me back but can't. I'm the only one that's holding me back. I wish I could cleanse myself of myself.

02.12.2019

Livin' our lives through a lens

Trapped in our white picket fence

Like ornaments

So comfortable, we're livin' in a bubble, bubble

So comfortable, we cannot see the trouble, trouble

Aren't you lonely

Up there in utopia

Where nothing will ever be enough?

Happily numb

So comfortable, we're livin' in a bubble, bubble

So comfortable, we cannot see the trouble, trouble

Ah, so good

Your rose-colored glasses on

And party on (woo)

Turn it up, it's your favorite song

Dance, dance, dance to the distortion

Turn it up, keep it on repeat

Stumblin' around like a wasted zombie

Yeah, we think we're free

Drink, this one's on me

We're all chained to the rhythm

To the rhythm, to the rhythm

Turn it up, it's your favorite song

Dance, dance, dance to the distortion

Turn it up, keep it on repeat

Stumblin' around like a wasted zombie

Yeah, we think we're free

Drink, this one's on me

We're all chained to the rhythm

To the rhythm, to the rhythm

Are we tone deaf?

Keep sweepin' it under the mat

Thought we could do better than that

I hope we can

So comfortable, we're livin' in a bubble, bubble

So comfortable, we cannot see the trouble, trouble

Aha, so good (so good)

Your rose-colored glasses on

And party on (woo)

Turn it up, it's your favorite song

Dance, dance, dance to the distortion

Turn it up, keep it on repeat

Stumblin' around like a wasted zombie

Yeah, we think we're free

Drink, this one's on me

We're all chained to the rhythm

To the rhythm, to the rhythm

Turn it up, it's your favorite song (oh)

Dance, dance, dance to the distortion

Turn it up, keep it on repeat

Stumblin' around like a wasted zombie

Yeah, we think we're free

Drink, this one's on me

We're all chained to the rhythm

To the rhythm, to the rhythm (woah)

It is my desire

Break down the walls to connect, inspire

Ay, up in your high place, liars

Time is ticking for the empire

The truth they feed is feeble

As so many times before

The greed over the people

They stumblin' and fumblin' and we're about to riot

They woke up, they woke up the lions (woah)

Turn it up, it's your favorite song (hey)

Dance, dance, dance to the distortion

Turn it up (turn it up), keep it on repeat

Stumbling around like a wasted zombie (like a wasted zombie)

Yeah, we think we're free (ah)

Drink, this one's on me (ah)

We're all chained to the rhythm (we're all)

To the rhythm, to the rhythm (we're all chained to the rhythm)

It goes on, and on, and on 

It goes on, and on, and on (turn it up, it goes on and on and on and on)

It goes on, and on, and on (on and on and on it goes)