I just want to be the one you love

I stop existing when you're not looking

I want to die on new year's eve. The last thing I'll see is pretty lights and cheerful people celebrating life. I'm just not part of that anymore..

All that's left is the shell of who I used to be.

And you know what? I'm tired of pretending like I'm the problem here. You're just as bad, if not worse than I am.

We were such a cute couple. Why did you have to fuck everything up?

He doesn't want to be with me. He's got more important things to do in life right now, and I need to understand this instead of insisting on someone who doesn't want me... But I don't know how. I don't know how I can live without him. Everything hurts so fucking much.

I don't feel human anymore. I don't want to be remembered as a person. I don't want to be named. I don't want anything that binds me to this earth. I want to be free.

I don't know what to do anymore. I know I say this every few weeks, every few days, but I just.. Is this it? I'm trying my best to get better, but it's just a cover-up. Year after year. People say they don't know how I deal so well with all the shit that happens to me, and the reality is that I've given up. I'm so afraid of dying alone, but I think I'll have to.

No one will ever love me like I love them. And it hurts so fucking bad.

I fucking love him so much. He's my life, my soul. I can't imagine living without him. Please, please God let us be together until I die...