I don't know where I'm going.

I’m falling back into this black hole of addiction, and I haven’t even relapsed. But I’m dreaming of it.

That’s scary to me. I reached a year clean from meth, two from cutting, and a month from cigarettes.. But now it’s like my subconscious is trying to come up with all of these ways to tempt me to break.

Music used to help me, so much, getting through times like these.. I used to be able…

Today, I need to talk to you. I have so many memories going through my head, I’m dizzy. Things/memories we only shared with each other, and it kills me that we didn’t share them with anybody else. Or others can only remember single-sided things that were negative.

You once told me, “I don’t know why you tell your best friend about our arguments and problems. You’ll forgive me, later, because…

I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t know what thoughts to share.

I’m lost, and I’m not entirely sure I want to be found.