tod: thought of the day

I was bug-eyed, tunnel visioned, and romanticized by what became the beginning of the end of my first relationship. Rarely do I reflect on my past and actively squirm at the thought of memories that flash before me. But looking back at it I feel like it lead me to become more aware. In the end I knew myself more. Sure, I got lost in the whole drama of it all. But leaving it and letting it go was the best form of self care that I ever allowed myself to experience. Flash forward to my feelings now. I can feel myself being more careful and intentional about my actions. There are few situations where I need to be cautious. And this time can be one of them. It's not that I would doubt things now. I just know that I need to keep things in balance and not be so impulsive anymore. My intentions for this year: to think before I speak, but not let my thoughts or doubts reign over my decisions and actions.

Opening day of Star Wars episode VII. I won't reveal any spoilers but I definitely felt like today the force was with me. Despite all the bs that was thrown at me, I was able to remain resilient and respond in a collective manner. I clearly remember myself in the same situation last year: People telling me what to do, with no choice but to do it; Getting stressed out and feeling like a chicken with out a head; snapping at people and giving attitude because things simply must get done. I understand now. That type of communication and process of executing an event will not simply do. I've come a long way. But I am proud of myself. For recognizing the situation and learning how to take it in and react in a calm and collective manner.

Last night as I lay down ready to go to sleep I suddenly remember I misplaced my favorite camera. My Polaroid camera was no where to be found. I remember putting it away for safe keeping but I don’t remember where and the last time that I saw it. Could it have been that I brought it somewhere intending to take photos but just absentmindedly left it? Thats the worst feeling for me right now. 

There’s so much more thoughts and ideas flowing through my mind. But I think it’s best to just end it here, for now at least.