Triple

I struggle with my self consciousness, constantly thinking of myself in the eyes of others and wanting to be loved. I’ve spent a lot of time changing my ways of thinking and perspective on life to find peace and fulfillment.

The more I understand about myself the more distant I feel with everyone else.

The only thing I desire in this world is a place to feel comfortable to be myself around people who care.

we try not to dwell on the past but why is it that the past persists?

I stay extremely in the present lately, distracting myself with the same things but with the occasional outings to remind myself that I am human. My future seems so unknown that I feel like I can't plan anything further then a month away even though nothing has changed besides my mentality the last 9 months. Yet I find myself thinking about the past and things that I can't do anything about now.

I'm aware that it does not matter now. Nothing will ever be the same as it was yesterday and that's fine by me.

I'll never feel the same I did the nights where I wondered if I was destined to be alone.

I'll never feel the same I did when I played games with friends who are no longer here.

I'm aware that I will feel similar feelings in ways I can't comprehend now and that I've experienced feelings I didn't understand until much later.

I let my feelings wash over and pass through me forever chasing for a place where I can feel the most myself that I cam be. I can only hope the people I let into my life can be aware of their impact on me and vise versa.

I'm unsure the point here. I hope it this makes you think of the people around you, everyone has struggles in which they never speak.

I don’t even think about you once I realized how different our morals and character truly are.

Continue to live in the past. I’ve learned from it.

I wish to isolate away from people but desire human connection so I’m trapped in a constant anxious state. 

Living in the past doesn't help anything does it? Was I really this monster you claim me to be or do you tell yourself this to justify yourself? Either way it doesn't matter does it?

 It changes nothing and you continue to dwell. 

I feel like everything around me lately is just sand falling through my hands.