Dead Tired

i think he was much more likely to order out than cook. i think he could cook; knowing how to do something and having the willpower and energy to actually Do It are two entirely different things.

i think terzo's love for his community was authentic and one of the main reasons he stuck around. i also think he was prone to internal brooding whilst meeting people (especially outside of performances), and to external assholery whenever said people would get too pushy on one of his worse days—and likely very little of that upset would be caused by them, and more by himself and his own assumptions because going through life feeling like a fraud and impostor while everyone seems to praise their idea of who you are. can make a bitch out of a person. so i think he might have been difficult to be around sometimes. and probably had few genuine friends.

i think it was easy for him to disregard warning signs. i think it is easy to go through life with a severely failing immune system and addiction issues and sleep deprivation and falling on stage and keep repeating the same song and dance with the assumption that you may be lost but, as long as you serve some higher cause (by which i do not mean the devil the way old hymns described him, but rather art and knowledge and liberation), there is a chance that you may lead others towards a better life; towards the very idea that they deserve to stick around and see how this weird mortal theater ends, if it does.

My personal headcanon for his past goes like this: Mr. Psaltarian grew up in the Jim Crow South, and from a very religious family (going off of surname vibes, maybe even son of a preacher energy). I think Marika was not his first white girlfriend but she is the only relationship of his as such to have anything resembling a happy ending. And I feel like, if only because of his age, this man was definitely drafted into Vietnam where he proceeded to have a Bad Time.

One of the mysteries I enjoy as much about Mr. Psaltarian is how a black man with a clearly southern accent in 1969 ended up with a beach house in driving distance of LA and hanging out with a band of satanists. I haven't settled on what I think led to his discharge, whether it was injury or racism leading to him taking the blame for something and getting a dishonorable, or actual conduct leading to a dishonorable, or what, but I believe he left the military with the sort of disillusionment that led a lot of people in the 60s into cults...which is right where it led him, into Sister and Nihil and the early following they were building for Ghost and the satanic ministry.

I think Psaltarian, like my headcanon for Primo, is a true believer, actually devout in his Satanism, and I think it is because it filled a hole for him in a time in his life where he needed it. The other thing that leads me to believe this is his integral hypercompetency to the organization - now sure, this could be out of personal loyalty to Sister and Nihil and Marika but legit, I don't think you work that hard making an organization run if you don't believe in it. Now, I DO think that his personal loyalties outweigh his devotion to the Dark Lord, but that doesn't make said devotion less real.

After the birth of Cardi, I suspect he and Marika retreated to Europe to raise him for a few years - I don't think her accent would still be this thick if she spent that much of her adult life in America, so while I believe that Cardi is steeped in American culture because of Psalty and spending a lot of his adulthood there, I don't believe that's where his early childhood was (though the Sister comics might prove me wrong idk). So while Mr. Psaltarian didn't exactly escape the racism of the 1970s, as an expat in Europe it had a different flavor than what he would have experienced back home - more passive, less aggressive. That said I think he was very mindful to make clear from the beginning to Cardi that he was not his father. Until Cardi learns that Marika isn't really "Mom", he just assumes Psalty is his stepdad. But the 'step' is always very apparent.

I think Mr. Psaltarian held himself apart from Cardi a bit. He likes this boy, but I don't know that he loves him - or if he does, he loves Marika, Sister and Nihil more. Oh sure they spend father figure/son time together, but even when Cardi was little I imagine a fraught undercurrent - not only because Psalty is a workaholic helping the ministry stay afloat and a strict father, but because of the burden of secrets he is keeping. He is aware of Cardi's future role as Nihil's son and a secret scion of The Bloodline from the jump, so he holds Cardi to difficult (potentially at times impossible) standards. In my Star Wars and Cardi post, I likened Psalty to Cardi's Yoda figure and I stand by that. He also I think feels like he doesn't Have To baby Cardi, and in fact should be firm with him to counter Marika who he feels does it a bit too much. You can see traces of his care though - the car Cardi drives in the Chapters is the car Psaltarian picks Nihil up with in TFIAFL - I extrapolate that Psalty gave Cardi the car, was probably the one to teach him to drive in the first place. Psaltarian KNOWS Cardi - sees through his blustering about the trike immediately, knows exactly when Cardi is too far in his head - his advice isn't always good and is sometimes a bit too scathing but he is always laser focused on when Cardi needs to hear something. I think the things he says about Cardi's time being up, etc, are menacing because we see them through Cardi's point of view, but they're not meant to be - I think Mr. Psaltarian is trying to keep his head in the clouds pseudo-son grounded and his methods are backfiring.

The workaholic thing I mention is another headcanon of mine - Mr. Psaltarian is seen coordinating the Skeletour as boots on the ground Perpetua Wrangler, is for some reason expected to be in charge of whether or not the ministry doors open, is bustling around with a coffin in one of the chapters, is present at the end of RHRN to hand off Sister's final instructions to her son. He is trusted with the secrets, he has his hands in every activity - I feel like he doesn't have an official job title but the rough equivalent is that he's the foremost layperson in the clergy - no religious title, but the place where the buck absolutely stops when it comes to nonclerical members. I firmly believe that he is the number one employee of the month to Cardi's two.

We so far haven't seen him and Marika interact in canon but I am convinced with the meager evidence we have that they're a loving couple. We know from his dialogue over the Doom meeting with Cardi in the chapters that he and she keep in touch while he is on the road with V, and when she mentions her husband to Judith there's palpable fondness in her voice. However I'm also convinced there's some weird polyamorous fuckaroundery going with the two of them and Sister and Nihil. Even if it isn't sexual or romantic you can tell Psalty's personal loyalty to the two runs deep - he is still executing their mandate after their deaths, he enjoys dinners and road trips in their presence, he scraped Nihil's ass off the pavement after his and Sister's epic breakup.

As a Cardi simp I want to make it clear that despite my criticism of the way that Psaltarian talks to Cardi in a frequently cutting and disrespectful way, Psalty is my second favorite of Cardi's parental figures (Marika being my favorite - and we're judging on Good Parenting here, and NONE of them are great). I think the two of them absolutely need some time in family therapy together, but I think there is still affection there and the strain isn't unhealable and the relationship isn't unsalvageable. But it's always going to be awkward, Dad Who Isn't My Dad and Who I Could Never Please and Likes My Random Twin More vs This Boy I Raised Out of Loyalty to His Parents and the Cult He Has a Weird Destiny In. Not...the best foundations for a relationship.