hot mess express

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams

Hey kids, have you heard of the hottest new summer trend? It's called lying under a tree and looking up at the sunlight dancing through the leaves, and all the cool kids are doing it.

ads targeted to women: omg you are thirtyyyy. kill yourself

[very clearly indulging the urge] im fighting the urge

It would be funny if we were introduced to a vast galaxy of alien life and the blue whale was still the largest animal ever discovered. Like that’s the biggest life has ever gotten. That would be fucked. The blue whale is just the craziest animals would get even with the introduction of a seemingly infinite number of new species. Would you be disappointed or celebrate the enormity of our homegrown big ass creature?

guy currently hurtling toward a migraine at a rate that would impress most astrophysicists: i wonder wgat is happening in my beautiful telephone

The fact of the matter is that I do not want to do it

"do what?" you might wonder. well. [gestures broadly]

I don't know what else I expected him to do.