Traumatic-Dramatic

In today’s society it is socially acceptable to voice your thoughts and opinions online, typing away at a lap top, tablet or PC - the reason I started this Tumblr is not for that reason. This Tumblr is designed to for self-medication and healing, it’s about understanding my own anxiety and triggers, it’s about helping others with anxiety by spewing my thoughts throughout this blog. I do not believe many people will read this blog or read passed the first couple of sentences but for one person in this entire universe it may be a connection - a connection of understanding anxiety, ones self and others. So here it goes with my thoughts, views, opinions, sightings, etc. 

I have been diagnosed with anxiety like many other people in this world. I believe my anxiety stems from traumatic events that have shaped my life positively and negatively. Throughout my process of creating this blog I hope to dive into the traumatic events that have shaped me and my anxiety - there will be plenty of attempts and failures but eventually I will be able to “air out my dirty laundry” - so to speak. 

I have been dealing with extreme anxiety since 2008 but was only diagnosed with anxiety in 2010 after a very difficult, abusive relationship. Since than, my anxiety has come in waves, there are times I don’t even think about my anxiety or have the feeling of anxiety and other times its overwhelming where I am unable to do anything with my day - I become someone different. I become this shell of a person with no escape from anxiety, its consumes me. I get tunnel vision where I can’t see, hear, understand or comprehend anything except my anxiety. Then the physical effects of my anxiety kick in - I begin to hyperventilate and shake uncontrollably with the inability to stop. 

Very recently, I had a spike in my anxiety and I am back at square one. I used to be 10 steps ahead of my anxiety now I feel I am -10. I have done the necessary steps to get myself back to the 10 steps ahead and I understand it is a process but the process is slow, grueling and sometimes defeating. I wish there was a way to snap my fingers and I wouldn’t have my anxiety anymore but of course, that is an impossibility. My anxiety is a part of me, not a large part of me, but its there. My anxiety has taken over my life at times but I have been given the resources and support to pull myself out of the overwhelming anxious feelings.