Welcome to the closet

I thought I was so prepared. I had everything that I would say worked out, how I would counter any argument, how I would leave if I just couldn't handle the conversation anymore, etc. So after all this planning, anxiety, and time, when my father looked me in the eye and said he accepted and loved me, I had no idea how to react.

I was so prepared for a negative reaction that I never considered what I would do if he was accepting.

It's like I'm waiting for him to change his mind, to say all the horrible things to me that have played my mind for years. Which makes me realise that my mind just used him as a face for my deepest insecurities.

That isn't to say my fears of telling him were baseless - quite the opposite. But you genuinely never know how someone will react. The sweetest person could be the worst, someone who seems unaccepting could actually be the best - there are a billion possibilities. You can think them all a hundred times over, but you'll never know what is true until you rip off the bandaid and see what's really there.