Beyond the blur...

whatever i do, whatever i am – will always be wrong… for everyone.

why am i even on this earth if all i can do is screw everything up for everyone.

a fight as soon as i wake up …. a teary start to the morning… worst songs that cannot get me out of this mood, shitty drive… and then i think, oh let him not hear my voice and make out that ive been crying.. else…

I know what it feels like and I will not wish it upon anyone….a girl that had an idea of how and who she wanted a future with is going to have to give it up… A mom who’s dream was becoming a reality that r being probably shattered…a boy who had finally accepted the dreams of both these women and made his own … How can anyone expect happiness in…

lines…

we could have been the best of friends and the world would have talked about us !!…I could have fallen back on you when i needed you without the guilt and you could have counted on me to stick with you forever & ever.

i just had to go and ruin that completely.. and now we’re nothing but arguments and emptiness &  awkward conversations and fake emotions. I fucked up and now i’m stuck longing for…

I wish just hearing “i love you’s” was enough for me… it would have been so nice if i wasnt looking for actions or vibes to match words.. i’d have been so much happier coz i got a whole bunch of people around me, who dont…

he says he doesnt know WHY he loves me..

apparently that isnt a question that should belong to love or being loved.

Why not?

How do i know if the love is genuine or for reasons that can be easily provided by someone else? How is your love for me different from your love for someone else… it is coz you feel differently or have different reasons.

and when someone says i have no reason to love you,…

i want to say ….

…i miss you too, with every passing second

…i love you too, more than you’ll ever know

…i wish we were together, and things weren’t what they are

…i wish i hadn’t pushed you (but i know you’d have gone anyway)

… i too want to hold your hand and sit among the stars

… i too need your hug, to once more just hear your beating heart.

but i cant say it… the words escape my wall every…