Ethereal

“I know that, in theory, love is supposed to be soft. I have felt soft love, before, but— for the last two months, love has been sledgehammer to my nervous system. It keeps taking me out at the knees. For the thousandth time, I remind myself that want and need are two different things. I remind myself, to be needed is not love. I kiss like a seed trying desperately to put down roots in wet soil. I keep trying to turn wild animal. He keeps trying to make a home from my skeleton. Neither of us is doing this the right way. In spite of that, we keep crashing our bodies together: expecting someone to catch us even when we’ve become falling anvils, cartoon pianos, sticks of live dynamite. I’ve done this song and dance before. I already know I will let him turn me shelter even while my roof is leaking. I’ll put my mouth everywhere that hurts. I’m good at it: unearthing my foundations and giving them to other people. It’s no wonder I have trouble standing on my own two feet. It’s no wonder I’m so prone to slide downhill. Even then, I still believe in a love that will meet me at my own altar. A love that patches the holes in the ceiling. A love who comes, heart in hand, and means it.”

“Just because you couldn’t love me, doesn’t mean no one else ever will.”

“Stop thinking all the time that you’re in the way, that you’re bothering the person next to you. If people don’t like it, they can complain. And if they don’t have the courage to complain, that’s their problem.”

“he told me I deserved the world but he never once tried to give it to me”

me: i’m super stressed abt this :/