Christina

   It made me think my mother viewed me the same way. My mom sat me down, and we talked deeply about how I felt. I told her how I felt when my sperm donor disowned me and how I wanted to kill myself, but she said she loved me no matter what. About two years after that, my mom got engaged again to a man named Khalan Wallace, and a year later, they married. I liked him for my mom.

   Khalan made her feel confident and self-assured, but he accepted me as his daughter and that I was gay. As I grabbed my keys, I left the apartment, went to my car, and started it up. After fastening myself in, I drove towards my parents' house.

   About an hour later, I finally arrived at my parents' house and parked in the driveway.

   When I got out, I locked my car behind me and unlocked the door with the key my mother had made for me.

"Mother, I'm home!" I yelled to greet my dad's female Rottweiler, who had recently had puppies. "Where're your babies?" She wagged her tail, darting to a room.

"Well, look who decided to come to see me." I heard my mother's voice speak as she walked out of the kitchen.

"Hey, Mom." I smiled, hugging her.

"How are you, baby?" She questioned, kissing my head.

"I'm doing good," I answered, nodding my head. "Is Khalan here?"

"No, he's at work." My mother replied, shaking her head. "Why?"

"I wanted to talk to him," I said, shrugging as I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge.

   Mocha came trotting into the kitchen with one of her six-week-old puppies in her mouth.

Smiling, I grabbed the pup from her and snuggled with it. It was good that Mocha had so much trust in me, seeing as I was there when she was eight weeks old. Hell, I was even there when she gave birth and delivered her triplets.

"Khalan should be taking his lunch in about fifteen minutes." My mom announced, making me set the puppy down.

"Okay, I'll see if he's available," I responded, wrapping my arms around my mother.

   After saying bye to Mocha, I walked to my car outside my parents' house and got in the driver's seat. Once I fastened my seatbelt and pulled out of the driveway, I drove to Khalan's job. He was the head high school football coach. Arriving at the school, I parked near the other cars and got out. As I walked closer to the field, I saw my father running drills with the team. 

   I smiled, sitting on the metal bleachers and watching them. If there was one thing Khalan loved, it was kids. He told me he always wanted to work with them and teach them. Growing up in the hood with no one but his mother and younger sister, they didn't have much, and he always saw that young kids were more worried about the gangs at the time than school and their educations. Khalan was admirable for his dedication and respect.

   After Khalan had finished the exercises with his team, his assistant coach tapped him on the shoulder and pointed at me. My father nodded, handing his clipboard to the other man, and walked towards me. He had a smile on his face as he walked toward me, and I stood up.

"Hey, pipsqueak," Khalan said, greeting me happily. "What brings you by?"

"Hey, do you have time to talk?" I asked, smiling at him.

"Sure." He nodded before racing over to his assistant coach. "Anything for my daughter."

   Climbing off the bleachers, Khalan and I walked around the track and field. We remained silent until I said something to initiate the conversation. 

"So, how's everything with work?" I asked, stuffing my hands in my jacket pockets.

"Everything is good. We're practicing for the scrimmage next week." Khalan nodded, answering me with a smile. "So what brings you by?"

"I've had a lot on my mind," I replied, stuffing my hands in my pockets.

"Well, talk to me." He said, placing his hand on my shoulder. 

"I've been thinking about how you took me in when my father wouldn't. You know, sometimes I look at other people's relationships with theirs and wish I could have that connection." I revealed, avoiding Khalan's gaze, but felt his arm wrap around my shoulder.

He embraced me and said, "I can understand that."

"Since you've accepted me despite my sexuality, I wanted to thank you. Not only for me but for my mom too." I explained, letting out a shaky breath.

For a split second, my chest ached, like I was thirteen all over again, standing in front of my sperm donor, hearing him say that I wasn't his daughter. That shit fucking hurt me to the core. Except this time, the ending was different. This time, I didn't feel left out in the cold; I felt a warm home.

Khalan squeezed me, keeping his voice steady as he spoke. "Kai, you don't ever need to thank me for that. Loving and accepting you is the easiest part of this deal. I knew what I signed up for when I started dating your mother."

Hearing him say that made my eyes burn from the tears threatening to fall as I tried to laugh it off. "Damn, you're about to make me bust out in tears on this football field."

"Nah. It just means you've got heart." Khalan chuckled, shaking his head.

I grinned, wiping my eyes. Although I didn't get the father I wanted, I damn sure have the one I need. 

"Oh, stop." I laughed, leaning against the gate.

"You know, on the team, we repeatedly tell players the same thing: play your game. Not someone else's." My father expressed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "That's how you win. The same goes for life. You don't need to be anyone but Kai."

I laughed, looking at the ground and kicking a pebble. "Trust you to turn this into a sports metaphor."

"Hey, it's what I know." He grinned, shrugging his shoulders. "And for the record—you're already winning."

That line hit me harder than I wanted it to. My throat felt tight again, but I swallowed it down. "Yeah, well, don't expect me to start throwing touchdowns anytime soon."

"That's alright," Khalan said, squeezing my shoulder. "Just keep being you. That's enough for me."

I didn't have a comeback. A quiet kind of peace settled in my chest. My dad gave up on me, but Khalan stayed, and that mattered more than anything.

"Alright, Coach Warren. I'm blaming you if I ever start crying during one of your games." I replied, laughing as I flashed my dad a crooked smile. 

Khalan cackled, pulling me into a hug. "Fair enough."

   Finally, the weight I'd been carrying didn't feel so heavy anymore. My dad and I continued talking as we returned to his football team. I hugged him one last time before walking to my car in the parking lot. Lifting the center console, I grabbed a blunt I had already rolled up, drove off, and lit it with my lighter. Smoking helps calm my anxiety down. 

   Pulling up to a red light, I grabbed my phone, went to Za'Niyah's contact name in my recent calls, and clicked on her name. The call connected to my car's Bluetooth instantly, and when she answered, I adjusted the volume.

CuddleButt😚💝 - Hey stinka, what's up?

What are you doing right now?

CuddleButt😚💝 - I'm lying in bed watching Bad Girls Club reruns.

Get dressed.

CuddleButt😚💝 - Why? Where are we going?

We're going to The Burger Bar. I'm in the mood for a bacon cheeseburger.

CuddleButt😚💝 - Okay, baby, I'll be ready when you get here.

I love you, bae.

CuddleButt😚💝 - I love you too, bookie.

   Once our call disconnected, the light finally turned green, and I drove. Arriving at my apartment building, I texted Za'Niyah that I was downstairs waiting for her. About 20 minutes later, I saw my girlfriend exit the complex and get into the passenger seat, buckling her seatbelt.

"So how did it go?" She asked, looking at me.

"It went better than I expected. I talked with Khalan and told him what I've been feeling about him." I answered, playing with the string of my hoodie. "I thanked him for giving my mother a second chance at love and accepting me."

"That's a big step, Kai. I'm proud of you." My girlfriend said softly, leaning over the center console to kiss my cheek. 

"Yeah, well, don't tell anyone I'm getting vulnerable. I'm supposed to be a thug." I swallowed, feeling my throat tighten again. 

Za'Niyah laughed, mushing my head as she sat back in the seat, rolling her eyes. "Girl, bye. Your secret is safe with me. Unless you make me mad."

"That's cold," I replied, shaking my head.

Arriving at The Burger Bar, I parked in an empty spot, and we both stepped out of the car. It was a diner that opened a few months ago, and I've seen videos people posted on Facebook and Instagram saying the food was delicious—especially their milkshakes and burgers. I laced my fingers with Za'Niyah's as we walked inside.

"Welcome to The Burger Bar. Would you like a table or booth?" The hostess asked with a polite smile. 

"Either one doesn't matter," I answered, shaking my head.

The hostess grabbed two menus and led us to a table beside the window. After setting them on the table, she smiled politely and walked away. 

"Everything on this menu sounds good." Za'Niyah nodded, looking over her menu.

"Damn, you can get a beef burger with onions mixed in the meat." I pointed out, feeling my stomach rumble at the thought of the burger. "I think that's what I'm going to get with an Oreo milkshake."

"A milkshake sounds good." My girlfriend replied, nodding in agreement. "I think I want a strawberry one."

Since Za'Niyah and I wanted our milkshakes when we got our food, we asked the waitress to bring them along. The waitress nodded before we told her what we wanted to order, and she wrote it down. After she repeated it to confirm, she gave us a polite smile before walking away to get us water for the time being.

"My stomach is growling at the thought of that burger." I laughed, rubbing my stomach as I growled again.

"So tell me more about what Khalan said when you saw him," Za'Niyah said, resting her chin on her hand on the table.

"Well, you already know the gist of it," I replied, staring at the table as I played with the straw in my cup. "I thanked him, and he didn't freak out. End of story."

"Mhmm." She mumbled, rolling her eyes. "That's a summary. What's the real story?"

I sighed, leaning back in my chair before speaking. "The real story is I believe Khalan with everything in me. When he said I don't have to earn his love. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that until he said it."

"That's good." My girlfriend nodded, smiling at me.

"I kept thinking about my sperm donor, about how fast he let me go. And it hit me—Khalan didn't just step in, he stayed. That's huge." I explained, tapping my thumbs on the table. 

Za'Niyah reached across the table and slid her hand over mine, her thumb brushing against my knuckle. "See? That's the kind of thing you shouldn't downplay. You let yourself feel it, Kai. That's growth."

Scrunching my face up in disgust, I laughed playfully. "Eww, you sound like my mom,"

"Yet you love me unconditionally." She smiled, laughing at me.

"Seriously, though, I'm proud of you. I know how hard that was, but you did it and got something real out of it." Za'Niyah assured me, squeezing my hand.

"Don't tell anyone I'm being sentimental and vulnerable. I'm supposed to be a thug." I playfully teased, laughing as I stared at my beautiful girlfriend.

"Oh, stop it." Za'Niyah giggled, shaking her head.

   Finally, our food and milkshakes arrived after another fifteen minutes. With the first bite of the burger I ordered, I thought I was in heaven. All the juices and flavors exploded in my mouth, making me groan, throwing my head back. 

"Damn, this is so good. No wonder the restaurant gets five-star ratings." I mumbled, wiping my mouth with a napkin.

"Hell yeah, it is." My girlfriend nodded, agreeing with me.

"Only if they had couches in here, I'd take a nap before leaving." I laughed, wiping my face.

"Now that's just lazy as hell," Za'Niyah replied, rolling her eyes.

"I got the itis right now," I said, rubbing my stomach.

"Don't you always?" My girlfriend responded, wiping sauce from her mouth. 

Za'Niyah's POV

I didn't say it out loud, but I knew that Kai going to see Khalan today meant so much to her. Although she keeps joking, deflecting, and not telling anyone about the thug, I knew her tells all too well. She would play with the strings of her hoodie, and her voice would dip low whenever she talked about Khalan, as if she honestly adored him. When she talked about him accepting her and her sexuality, her eyes would get brighter. It was the kind of acceptance that changed a person.

   From across the table, I watch her, the girl who survived being abandoned by the one man who was supposed to protect her. She still found the courage to show up, say thank you, and be vulnerable much more often. In my opinion, that takes a lot of strength, and when Kai talks about Khalan, she's not only thanking him for choosing her but also taking the first step in healing. Despite Kai always having her hard wall up, I loved her for letting those barriers down, especially when she's with me. It made me appreciate her more.

   Kai leaned back in her seat, stretching her arms above her head, and yawned. When she looks up at me and jokes again, trying to pretend she didn't just peel herself open like an orange, I smile and let her have it because she deserved it. Staring at her, I promised myself that I would never let anything hurt her, that I would make her feel loved as much as possible. Yes, we may have had our ups and downs, but I loved Kai with all my heart nonetheless. As we sat there in silence, the noise of the restaurant fading into the background, I realized something quietly settled in my chest.

   She didn't get the father she was born with, but she got the one who didn't care about her sexuality instead, a mother who never wavered and stood by her side, and a woman who saw all her broken flaws and who loved her with every blood cell in her body.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Kai asked suddenly, narrowing her eyes at me while reaching for one of my remaining fries.

"You're so cute," I answered, smirking when she instantly rolled her eyes.

"Man, stop all that mushy shit in public." She muttered, waving me off, though I caught the tiny smile tugging at her lips.

"You were just emotional two seconds ago," I replied, rolling my eyes at her tough act.

"I was not emotional." Kai denied, pointing a leftover fry at me defensively. "I was speaking facts."

"Mhm right." I said, sarcastically, nodding my head slowly. "You almost cried talking about Khalan."

"I almost slapped you just now, too." She deadpanned, cutting her eyes at me.

"I wish the fuck you would well be fighting up in here." I sarcastically laughed, flipping her my middle finger.

   Kai shook her head, grinning at me as she leaned back and rubbed her hand over the back of her neck. For a second, it got silent again, and that playful mask she always wore slipped off again.

"You know what's crazy?" My girlfriend asked softly, leaning her arms on the table.

"What?" I responded, cocking my head to the side.

"I used to think something was wrong with me." She admitted, keeping her eyes locked on the table, instead of me. "Like... the way my sperm donor made me feel like I was damaged or some shit because I liked girls."

   Hearing that, my smile instantly faded away. Kai laughed awkwardly, like she regretted saying that statement out loud.

"Well, he was wrong," I replied, nodding.

"That sounds stupid, right?" Kai questioned, softly laughing as she shook her head.

"No, it doesn't sound stupid," I answered, reaching over the table to grasp her hand. "It makes you realize you're worth more than what your sperm donor ever told you."

"When Khalan talked to me today, though..." She paused, rubbing her palms together. "He ain't made me feel weird, he ain't looked at me differently. Bro was really sitting there talking to me like I was his biological daughter."

   That last sentence made my chest warm instantly because that's what I knew Kai loved the most with Khalan. 

"He loves you," I remarked, tapping my fingers on the table.

   By this time, our waitress came over with a smile on her face.

"Did you two find everything okay?" The waitress asked with a polite grin.

"Yes, we did thank you." I nodded, checking the time on my phone. 

"Okay, here's the bill." She informed us, stating the receipt on the table. "Whenever you're ready, you can go to the front to pay."

"Thank you," Kai said, and the waitress walked away.

"Anyway, I know Khalan loves me, there's no denying that, and I ain't gon' lie," Kai admitted, crossing her arms. "That shit meant a lot to me, hearing him say that."

   I reached across the table again and grabbed her hand. Her fingers immediately intertwined with mine, as if by muscle memory.

"You deserve that kind of love, Kai," I replied truthfully, smiling at her. "And there is nothing wrong with you. Ever."

   I saw her jaw tighten slightly, hearing my words. Kai looked away, fast, blinking back a few tears that threatened to spill free. She was trying not to get too emotional in the middle of this restaurant, and I understood why. 

"Aight before you make me cry in this bitch," She muttered hoarsely, grabbing her drink and finishing what was inside the cup. "Let's go."

   I laughed softly, grabbing my phone off the table. "Too late."

"Nah, seriously." She said, pointing a finger at me again. "If a tear rolled down my face in the establishment, I'm blaming you."

"You'd still look cute crying," I replied, shrugging my shoulders.

"Girl." Kai groaned loudly, making me laugh harder.

   Getting up, I followed Kai to the front of the restaurant as she laced her fingers with mine to pay for our meal. We thanked the hostess for their service and walked out of the building to Kai's black 2018 Chevrolet Camaro. Once we arrived back at our apartment, Kai parked in her assigned space in the garage, and we stepped out. Yet again, Kai grabbed my hand, interlacing our fingers as we walked to the elevator. When we got on, she pressed the first-floor button, and I leaned against the wall as the doors closed and the machine rose.

Finally, the elevator doors opened, and we stepped off before walking to our apartment door. I unlocked it, headed inside, and tossed the keys on the kitchen counter.

“I'm ready to take a nap.” I groaned, tossing my body on the couch.

“Shit me too,” Kai replied, plopping herself beside me.

She reached over and put her hand on my thigh, giving it a slight squeeze. I could tell the conversation we had about her and Khalan had her mind running. Looking over at Kai, I saw she had her head leaned back, staring at the ceiling. My girlfriend always gets like this when she thinks about her past struggles with her sperm donor and Khalan.

“Everything is okay,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around her shoulders.

Bringing my face closer to hers, I pressed my lips to her cheek. I turned her face towards me and placed a soft yet firm kiss on her lips, then repeated it.

“I know,” Kai replied, softly rubbing my thigh.

“How about we watch a movie and take a nap,” I suggested, rubbing her arm.

“That sounds good.” My girlfriend nodded, tapping my leg.