S M Y T H E

SEBASTIAN: not particularly, no.

SEBASTIAN: fair enough, i guess. can you quit doing that, though? dump them over text, at least, i'm sick of dealing with the whining from these chicks.

SEBASTIAN: it's a proven fact.

SEBASTIAN: it couldn't be my kid. i've never slept with a woman before, and i'm not about to start anytime soon.

SEBASTIAN: you're a dick, you know that?

TOPPER: kinda feels like you are with how you're defending it now, kinda weird.

TOPPER: dumping them over text is kind of a dick move, isn't it? at least this way no one gets hurt.

TOPPER: i mean, other than u lol

TOPPER: whatever you say, ass

TOPPER: it would be, though. we're identical twins, we have the same dna, and if you did a dna test the kid would be yours too, right? science says u'd be the dad as well

JAMISON: why would he be doing that?

JAMISON: ...no, you're not.

JAMISON: it's not a lie, oh my god you're so annoying.

TOPPER: idk, tryna prove that you're hot or smth

TOPPER: yes i am, the fuck?

Jamison was still getting used to being with Sebastian, and honestly, it wasn’t coming as easily to him as it usually did. Of course, he did like Sebastian. A lot. He was very much a different sort of guy than Jamison usually found himself with, and it worked. Most of the time. The other part of the time, left Jamison feeling a little insecure about the status of their relationship, and he knew there was usually one factor to contend with. The Topper of it all. While not a complete interference, the dynamic of dating a twin, with a twin like Topper was…interesting. To say the least. He’d had plans to meet up with Sebastian, but when he’d cancelled last minute, apparently he’d decided to send a surrogate in his place, much to Jamison’s annoyance. “Just shut up and order whatever you want.” He muttered, looking over his menu and then back up to Topper, he was completely underdressed for the location, but he had a feeling once his table manners came into play, how he was dressed would be the least of his worries. “This isn’t a date, by the way.” He added, since Topper seemed to think Jamison dating both of them was somehow plausible and not weird at all since they were twins.

@toppersmythe​

It wasn’t uncommon for Topper and Sebastian to sub in for each other for special events, or dates. There were numerous times that Topper couldn’t make it, or just didn’t feel like it and would send Sebastian in his stead. Mainly for tests and finals, but that was neither here nor there. He didn’t put up too much of a fuss when Sebastian asked him to go out with Jamison for him. It was a free meal, and he never turned down those. Plus, the place looked nice. He was probably a little lot underdressed for it, but hey he was just there for the food, he wasn’t gonna be getting laid out of this, he didn’t need to impress Jamison. He raised his eyebrows when Jamison told him to shut up when he hadn’t even said anything yet. “Didn’t peg you for a domineering type,” he commented with a scoff. “Could’ve sworn you were one of those softies that are overly nice. You know, with the whole farm and country boy aesthetic you keep going for,” he continued. Topper scoffed again at what Jamison said. “Oh please, this is totally a date. You’re dressed up, this is a nice place. You were expecting Ass to be here, and you’re literally seconds away from trying to play footsie with me.” He said and grabbed a bread roll from the little basket and bit straight into it. “Not that I mind a foot job right now,” he said around his bite. 

Weddings were her favorite. She loved them. She loved attending them, planning them, watching them, everything about weddings. She was still a romantic, even after a failed marriage of her own. Weddings were all about hope, and finding someone to be with who saw all of you and loved you still. It was like magic. Even if she often left weddings alone, feeling a punch in the gut when she crawled into an empty bed at the end of the night, wondering when or if she’d ever find someone to share love with again. Tonight, she just didn’t think she could handle that. She couldn’t leave alone. That only left a few options, the most obvious was the guy she’d been purposely ignoring all night ever since he hadn’t called her. Christopher. Sure, he was cute, but if he thought he could get away with ignoring her for over two weeks? he was crazy. And he had another thing coming. But…the night was wasting away, and he’d been working steadily for most of it, not giving him much time to grovel, and admittedly…she was desperate. She’d have to set aside her moral superiority for the night if she wanted to get laid. She waited until the wedding was winding down, and he was finished his set before she approached him, under the guise of settling his final payment. “I have to admit, you were pretty good up there…” She commented, flashing a smile and stepping closer, “So…you played a song for the single ladies…single guys…looks like you managed to get them all someone to take home for the night…” She looked away for a second before looking back up at him, “Who’s going home with the DJ?”

@toppersmythe​

Topper was almost completely foreign to how weddings worked, he’d never been hired to do them before. He still knew what basic white bitches liked to hear, so he stuck to the old classics and kept the crowd hyped as the night went on. As the night wore on, his attention kept drifting to a particular person, the feisty wedding planner that he’d met a couple times since accepting the gig from the woman a while ago. He smirked when she approached him as he was packing up. “Oh yeah?” he asked, turning to the woman. “Always good to get positive feedback from the boss,” he replied with a playful wink, moving closer as well as Lucky stepped towards him. “Seems like it,” he agreed with a nod, glancing around the few still milling around the now mostly empty venue before turning his attention back to her. His brows moved up at her question and a chuckle escaped him. “But I don’t know, seems like I managed to miss getting one person someone to go home with…” he replied. “Think I’m losing my touch?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked at her. “What, gonna get jealous?” he questioned with an amused smile. “Don’t have any reason to be,” Topper assured her. “I only got eyes for one right now,” he told her, his gaze raking up and down her body appreciatively before forcing it back up to her face. “You think I got a chance?” 

JAMISON: There is no us, don't be gross.

JAMISON: Yeah, but he's...not you.

JAMISON: I don't only date bottoms.

TOPPER: Tell it to your bf, he's tryna get me to bone u

TOPPER: exactly, bc i'm a top and i'm hotter duh.

SEBASTIAN: sure you could, buddy.

SEBASTIAN: ...why not? that's a weird hill to die on. just because he's a nerd, it doesn't mean he's not hot.

SEBASTIAN: really? because that's not what i've heard from your little lady friends.

SEBASTIAN: you must just be hearing things inside your head again. i don't scream, i groan. like a man.

SEBASTIAN: why are you like this?

SEBASTIAN: if you've got some sort of pregnancy kink, that's on you, dude. i don't care if the little brat looks like me, it's not my responsibility.

SEBASTIAN: no, they just die.

SEBASTIAN: the point is that they're much easier than a child, and you couldn't handle it.

TOPPER: wtf, i totally could.

TOPPER: are you trying to get me to fuck your boyfriend, ass? that's kinda weird if u r

TOPPER: pls, they're all always satisfied, they're just not happy with being ghosted after

TOPPER: lmfao, whatever you say, as. if that's what you need to believe

TOPPER: like whut?

TOPPER: i didn't say it was? i just think it could be fun plus genetically it would be your kid too, right? like it could be your kid.

MARLEY: Do you have any friends with kids?

FELICIA: I regret to have said that.

FELICIA: I said you weren't bad, never mentioned god

TOPPER: well too late to take it back now lmfao

SEBASTIAN: ha.

SEBASTIAN: good luck.

SEBASTIAN: i don't /scream/.

SEBASTIAN: at any point are you planning on dropping that little nickname?

SEBASTIAN: you are absolutely not making a baby mama out of someone. i'm not raising a kid for you.

SEBASTIAN: i asked you to water my plants when i was on tour, and they all died.

TOPPER: i could have him if i wanted him.

TOPPER: pff, i don't need luck. i just don't fuck nerds.

TOPPER: riiiight, and i don't lay down the pipe like a god.

TOPPER: that's both a lie, btw. bc i am a god when it comes to that.

TOPPER: nope, it's part of my dna now

TOPPER: wtf? why not? why would you raise my kid for me?

TOPPER: that's what a baby mama and nannies are for.

JAMISON: Please stop telling your brother you're going to fuck me.

JAMISON: I'm sure he doesn't care, but trust me, you're not my type.

TOPPER: why? don't want him finding out about us?

SEBASTIAN: ....anyway.

SEBASTIAN: mmhm. and just as delicious.

SEBASTIAN: ugh, me too 😩😔

SEBASTIAN: at least he's hung like one of these damn horses he's obsessed with

SEBASTIAN: yeah, yeah, shut it

SEBASTIAN: what trouble have you been getting up to, lately? should i be expecting any misdirected slaps coming my way?

TOPPER: ???

TOPPER: yeah? might have to take a taste then 👀

TOPPER: for real? damn, surprising. then again, makes the screaming make sense.

TOPPER: love u too, assy 😙

MARLEY: Can I ask for a tiny tiny favor?

FELICIA: So you are not bad.

MARLEY: You... Would?

“Rise and shine, bitch.” Sebastian tugged open Christopher’s curtains, happily letting the afternoon sunshine gleam into the bedroom. “It’s almost four, I have company coming tonight, and I’m not cleaning up all your little messes around this place on my own again. There’s a sink full of dishes waiting for you, so I’d suggest you get up now, before I come back in here with a bucket of water.” Sure, the problem of dealing with his brother’s messes could easily be solved by moving out and getting his own place, but as much as Sebastian complained, he liked having someone he cared about to come home to every night. Even if that someone was as big a pain in the ass as Christopher was. “You can stay for dinner, but I’m asking that you fuck off for about an hour or two after. Or put on noise cancelling headphones. Your call.”  @toppersmythe​

Topper’s eyes flew open at the sudden call from his brother, only to squeeze them shut again with a groan at the bright sunlight pouring in. “Fuck you, bitch! I just fell asleep!” he whined, burying his face back in his pillow and pulling his covers up over his head. “Yeah, you having a dick appointment has nothing to do with me, thanks...” he mumbled tiredly into his pillow, words barely making it out to his twin. He huffed in annoyance and closed his eyes for a minute, huffing again at Sebastian’s threat. He knew the asshole would follow through with it too, so he pushed himself up and glared at him. “You get a real fucking joy outta making my life miserable don’t ya, As?” he asked, shaking his head at him. “An hour or two,” he scoffed and nodded. “Yeah, okay,” he laughed and shook his head, not really thinking either of the two would last that long by a stretch. Not with how gross they were with their nasty loud and quick phone sex seshes. 

SEBASTIAN: wow. you should send in a tape to hell's kitchen.

SEBASTIAN: his name is jamison.

SEBASTIAN: and honestly? i wish. he's too vanilla for his own good.

SEBASTIAN: ...i hate you.

SEBASTIAN: you're the worst person i've ever met.

SEBASTIAN: do you want chinese takeout tonight?

TOPPER: you think? gordon ramsay ain't got nothing on me

TOPPER: oh nice, like the whiskey?

TOPPER: oh, that sucks. sorry your bf's boring ://

TOPPER: i love you too, ass 😘

FELICIA: Keep talking like that and you won't ever get to touch me.

FELICIA: After 11, I am.

TOPPER: talking like what? not talking like anything