[five minutes of laughter] [unskippable]

when youre inadvertently 1% too nice to a straight guy you can usually pinpoint the exact moment where he decides you must be acting that way because you want to fuck down on him crazy style and it is at this point that one would be well advised to have a cyanide capsule under a false tooth or an equivalent fast acting response

did you hear they started drawing anthropomorphic animal people with human-like qualities, such as bipedalism, the capacity for speech, and even human breasts?

shitshit shit. umm no its fine. does anyone see a grenade pin on tbe floor

do NOT awawa at your former coworker who is messaging you on linkedin trying to help you get a job at his current company

its such a natural response that i've typed it out of habit and then deleted it like 6 times

10000 YEAR OLD ROCK ART OF GIRAFFES FOUND IN LIBYA LET'S GO

Video game boss that's all bellowing bravado and big untargeted fuck-your-life attacks that hit half the arena, then for phase two they're like "hold up'' and put on a pair of ridiculously tiny glasses, and suddenly they're ten times as dangerous because now they can actually see what they're aiming at.

Getting kicked off love island for trying to poison the men