Tomos James

A weekend homeless (& making up for last weekend)

Last weekend we were packing. Packing. Packing. This weekend we were moving. Moving. Moving. The unfortunate thing is, though, the house we were going to move into fell through a World War 2 bunker, which lay hidden from the ground survey the builders didn’t do properly. So we’re homeless! Woop fucking woop! But the silver lining is that we’ve found another place — fingers crossed, two weeks…

This weekend saw the thermometer melt as the mercury boiled, but fortunately, we weren’t overcome by the fumes. Instead, we spent Saturday day on the veranda… … and the evening by the creek. (When I said ‘veranda’ above, of course I meant a manky flat roof outside our hallway window, but ‘veranda’ just sounds so much better.) Sunday was lazy. Too hot to move.

By Wednesday of last week, it was clear that the week didn’t want to be acknowledged. It was one of those weeks that got me under my skin. If I could forget something, I forgot it. Monday was summed up by the human shit I had to clear up in the car park. Not one to force things, I did as the week wished and wrote it off. Starting afresh this week. With that said, I did get nettled in the…

A weekend that gave birth to one of those Monday’s

A 915 haircut appointment on Saturday got me up and out by 830, which for my lie-in day, sucks. But I look pretty — I’d look prettier without the bags, but one must have a flaw. I popped to Primark with Jackie, but it was a fruitless endeavour because they didn’t have a rain coat that wasn’t a poncho. The kid got here and got to watch his first football match with his dad. England versus…

A Scutt at the letting office took it upon themselves to bad mouth us to the landlord because we have the audacity to still have an issue with being given a boiler that looked like this: (It’s not easy to see, but the screws are missing and the flue is free-floating, perched by its crook in a grate.) While many of us would be concerned that their new home had a flue dangling a foot in front of…

The problem with writing a weekend post on a Wednesday is that I don’t remember what happened. I struggle to remember what happened come the Monday. To steal one of Myles’ favourite phrases, “I don’t remember”. With that said, it turns out that I do. Saturday saw us rescuing the kid because he was boooooooooooooooooored sat in his mother’s car. Sunday saw him designing and building an ace…

A weekend that ended with a shark in the sky

An arsehole came by the flat on Friday, under the impression that months of being lied to and disrespected has buttered us up to do what it wants. It puckered when it found out it hasn’t. Miraculously, now we’re the arseholes. I’ve demanded respect before I even begin to listen. After the kid’s team scored a goal at football, the three of us descended on the creek. We spent a lovely hour paddle…

Saturday afternoon was a BBQ at Erika’s. Sunday was LegoCity day with the kid. Owing to his half a thumb, Shaun got to watch us. Monday was a lot of nothing followed by the allotment in the afternoon. Tuesday was a visit from Jackie, Erika popped ‘round, and the kid turned up at the door. All in all, much like the weather, it’s been pretty grand.

The bank holiday weekend started with traffic jams. Saturday saw us lads kayaking or more like bobbing along at the mercy of the current. Sunday saw Shaun lose the tip of his thumb. We still can’t find it. Monday was a mishmash of doing things and lying on my bed. The decapitated thumb looks like that scene out of kill bill when what’s her name slices off the top of the other lady’s…

I went to bed 20 minutes earlier than normal on Thursday night, which of course meant I woke up an hour earlier on Friday. With all this extra time, I got the washing in the machine and the dishes done. My efforts basically meant that the weekend started at 17:30 promptly. Saturday was an early morning bit of shopping followed by an afternoon of not doing a great deal. Sunday saw the kid…

The kid descended on Saturday and left us Sunday tussled and bedraggled, such a whirlwind he is… To somewhat calm ourselves, I tried my hand at this sausage tomato mascarpone pasta recipe. While it came out well / good / delicious — the tomato mascarpone sauce was better than store bought — the both of us suffered with heartburn afterwards. As someone who regularly delights in the joys of…

A state of war now exists between myself and Myles. The kid has taken to trumping on me, guerrilla style. While I didn’t retaliate at the time for fear of having a poo on his head, which would need to be rubbed into his hair and then dried with a hair-dryer, next weekend I’ll have saved up my trumps… With both me and the kid farting and guffing, Shaun’s probably going to need a gas…

It was my boy’s 40th and, owing to the relaxation of restrictions, we were able to enjoy the day with a small number of other people, albeit outside in the pissing rain while socially distanced. Not ones shy of a BBQ in adverse weather, we made the most of it.

Gone are the days of doing other people’s grocery shopping. And here are the days of overseeing cremations. To celebrate and prepare, the weekend was full of doing things. I treated myself to a haircut. ‘Treat’ lol — after however many months, it was a legal requirement. I tried to treat myself to a new suit, but I wasn’t short and skinny enough, or tall and fat enough, to nicely carry…

Tired of socially distancing in Portsmouth, I went to do it in Wales. The end

Sure, my mood frayed, but it always frays — I’m not very good at sewing. I can do that patch thing with the iron, but even that only lasts an hour or two. But I digress… With the kid off school and Shaun off work, the week was as it should be in our shared home. Father and son getting their chance to chill amongst all the excitement. Best mates getting to cause havoc day in, day out. We had…

For such a chilled weekend, it’s been go-go-go! Friday had all the kids excited. Saturday had the quickest and maddest egg hunt I’ve ever seen go down. Sunday was food coma. Monday was the alcomahol. Tuesday was run-run-run around, followed by panning for stones at the allotment. Today, has been a sort of interview followed by detours on the motorway. The delay this weekend has been from…