A trip down memory lane.

The sophomores surpassed me so quickly, it makes me feel pathetic. I think they assume I'm gay... At least Lendy does. I stayed in JV while they all moved on to varsity. At least I made some short term friends, even if I didn't get to know them much. They were all pretty awful at tennis, but it made me feel better. Jaime was always funny and welcoming...

I miss how fun tennis used to be. I missed how chill it was and how everyone was my friend. I didn't have to worry what people thought about me because a lot of my classmates were with me. I miss the sunset every tennis practice that always signalled the end of the day. Time to wind down, time to say goodbye. I thought joining this year, I would enjoy it. I thought I would improve. I thought I would develop a passion.

I was wrong.

For reading class, I only have it twice a week. Mondays consisted of reading books and trying to speed up our reading speed and comprehension. Pretty practical. Wednesdays we were in the computer lab doing a multitude of things. The class homework is so time consuming though. I always finish it last on weekends... I should try to stop that habit. In the classroom on Mondays, I would sit on the left side. In the computer lab, I was probably somewhere in the front of the class near the door to the right.

I got to know the people around me. First was Sang Lee. He was pretty nice, but his appearance was intimidating LOL. Once he came late so these two other people stole his spot next to me. He started sitting at the opposite end of the room, so we don't talk much any more. It's awkward to make eye contact because if we say hello, it'll be weird as to why we didn't say hello for the past 6 weeks. To say hello out of the blue to someone that has become estranged... Second was Baljeet. She sat next to me and was pretty kind and welcoming. Vi and Vicky was next to me and I always kept them as the closer acquaintances because I actually knew their names. LOL They preferred to talk to each other instead of with me, but it was fine. On Wednesdays, I would often sit by Indira. She was from out of state and didn't know what UW was so I thought it was kind of strange. I guess the University of Washington isn't as popular as I thought it was.

Second was History. Map tests, chapter quizzes, and group work every week. The lectures were so boring. If I was really tired, I'd get dizzy just trying to stay awake and feel the need to puke. When we were dismissed, it was always so relieving to breathe the air of campus outside the cold and stuffy classroom. There were basically two types of desks, one that was really slanted towards you, and one that was flat. The slanted one was so annoying cause things would roll right off your table into your lap. My group members really did not like it as much as I did. LOL Every week when I learned something new, it seemed like I forgot what I just learned last week. The citation and research assignment has me worried, I hope she doesn't grade too difficultly. I sat in the back right corner with my group excluding Tanner.

Cody Anderson from Foster used to be in that class, but he dropped out. I wonder why, was it too challenging? In my group of Olaudah Equiano is Tanner, Juliette, and Amy. Tanner seems pretty chill, a little TOO chill. He seems to be more occupied with work and his car than doing the group projects with us. Why did he take a hybrid class if he doesn't even own a laptop... We have no choice but to exclude him from our group work because he often never makes an attempt to get involved. Once, he volunteered to do anything we need him to do. He must have never got the message or something... We don't see him as often in class, either. Amy and Juliette were both high school junior girls in running start. Amy was taller and seemed to know quite a bit of history already. Juliette is the dorky girl into Twilight and 1D. I like those kinds because they're easy to approach, lol. They were both committed to assignments and were pretty friendly. They both had a thing for Pinterest, though... Maybe I'll try it someday.

Math class. I always felt like I was learning. Sometimes the class would go by slowly, but it was bearable. Everyone in the class seemed so much more mature. At least Derek was in the class for awhile. There was homework due weekly assigned online. Nothing too terribly difficult. Extra practice could be finished if you just wanted to study, so that was nice. The program Webassign had lots of examples, tutorials, extra practice and an e-book that came in handy. I sat in the front second from the right.

Derek was the only person I knew in that class and the only person I felt comfortable talking to. He used to borrow my pens often. He kinda made me feel like a lazy bum because one day he was just a student and the next day he had a job and was being paid as a math tutor on campus. Maybe I should try it if I had the transportation and the time. It's a shame he dropped out. I can only surmise that he hadn't been doing too well on tests, and me getting high scores must have discouraged him even further. It was kinda sad to see him drop out (or is it not see him drop out). There was no big announcement, one day he just disappeared. I wonder what he's doing with that time now... Derek had a friend named Eunho (I think) in that class. We sat near each other in the corner. I never got to really talk to him. I felt awkward doing so and we just stayed acquaintances. We don't even say hello, ever. It just feels kinda awkward. He's also kinda flamboyant. Was he in another one of Derek's classes? There were a handful of other guys in the class that seemed cool, smart, and friendly. But I never got to personally know any of them. No friends for me. I truly have no friends from Foster in any of my classes now. I can scrape by for two more weeks.

Tho and Jesse are expecting to move out soon. This means no more Paranormal Activity on Netflix while I'm doing homework and no more loud TV on the main floor while I'm sleeping. If I move into her room, then no more having to walk up and down stairs every time I go brush my teeth and no more squeaky bed from Thy's room when her boyfriend Jason is over. If I can move my computer to what will be my new room, then it would just make everything seem more private. No more distractions when Thy comes downstairs to check on me and no more Thien bugging me for math homework help (?)(thank god/buddha). It's really irksome to have to do his homework on top of mine and have him yell at me from frustration. I get enough of him just from transportation to and from school. Sometimes he makes me wish I would go deaf so I wouldn't have to listen to the ugliness of the world.

I didn't do anything for Halloween, just stayed home and passed out candy. We didn't get many trick or treaters either, maybe about three groups. At least I could enjoy the leftover candy. Lonely Halloween.

Is it a bad thing that the highlight of my day is play LoL after 6:00 PM with Aidan? That's all I look forward to, now. At the beginning of the year, it used to be I CAN'T WAIT TO GET HOME AND REVIEW MY MATH NOTES. Now it's I WANNA KILL SOME PEOPLE WITH MY MAGIC FAIRIES AND RUB IT IN AIDAN'S FACE. I haven't had time to play with Krysta and Lindsay that much. Well, I never see them on. I wonder if they quit. I remember we made nicknames for them. Krystal Meth and Lindsexy. They didn't make me feel weird for being 3 years older than them or my other problem. At least I'm following Krysta. I miss them... Well I created a new account. xMeowCat in honor of Tommy's xMooCow. It's supposed to help me get better by playing with people my level. Unfortunately, I get paired up with smurfs and it's even more frustrating. Alex started playing. I still have Leyna who rarely plays. Jody and Kathy always seem so busy. Amber and Summer probably lost interest...

I still haven't gotten over S. I know, it's been awhile and it's pathetic. S is off the market and yet I still dream about S. I told myself that if I believed I hated S, then I would get over them... It didn't work. Any reason I came up with, I realized that none of it really mattered.

Remember when you were assigned a corner seat in class and you said you hated corners? Then I said corners are for squares and made you laugh? You don't know how happy I felt that I could brighten your day, if just for a moment.

Everyday, I think of you, S, and I probably never crossed your mind. Will blocking you on FB and removing you from Skype get you off my mind? I think about you so much. I wish I could tell you how happy I am for you. How I wish your relationship would stay strong. How I wish you would be happy and not need to worry. I trust your judgement and your lover must be one amazing person, the M that stole your heart. Oh how worthless I must be compared to M. I wish I could tell you this without looking like a pathetic child, tears streaming down my cheeks. Thinking about you hurts so much. The thought of you makes me feel inferior, like a disgusting freak of nature. I miss you so much.

It wasn't so bad I guess. The peace and quietness was nice. The trip was all-inclusive and so they probably ate a lot. lol. Being a kid, I probably wouldn't be able to do much. 

Two of my textbooks came this week. I'm really excited for my math one cause I'm hoping I'll enjoy that class. Math is always something that I understood. There was always one correct answer and it was possible to find it. There isn't any confusing philosophy stuff where yes is no and no is yes like in English class. I wish I could have helped those that didn't understand math so much. I just don't know why they hate numbers and score so badly on tests when they do fine on homework. I have to carpool with my brother. I feel bad for making him go to school like an hour early on Mondays and Wednesdays... I wish I could just take the bus.

I don't know how the classes will be. Will they be difficult or easy? How much free-time will I have? Will I make friends? It's nice to meet new people, but it's probably best to not have many friends. I don't want to be too distracted, I'm here to learn.

Tennis is getting better. These guys named Loc and Jamie joined this week. They aren't that great, so it makes me feel better about myself. Loc is a FOB 2 years from Vietnam. He played badminton and so he plays tennis like that, which is bad... He's made some rapid improvement over the few days. Jamie is... He's a nice guy. I like him more than the other people on my team. lol. Since we have so many members now, I'm no longer on varsity. I should be sad, but I'm really not. I couldn't handle varsity at all. I just want to have fun. I'm not athletic enough with hand-eye coordination and reaction time, all that stuff. Being on JV means that I get to do drills instead of king of the court for hours at practice. I really enjoy drills because then I get to focus and improve on one thing at a time, go at my own pace. I played 1v1 against Armen. Of course I was bagel'd like last year, but it was fun. There was this one point where we played so vigorously. We had lots of rallys as he made his way to the net. Me being an awful volley-er decided to stay at the base line. I played smart cause everytime I chased after the ball, I returned to the center to be ready for the next one. When he got to the net, I shot right past him in the court and won that point. Too bad I never succeeded twice at deuce. On Friday we sprinted at the end of practice one whole lap around the courts. I didn't feel it at first, but my left hip started aching as I limped home. I'm really worried that something is wrong and that it won't heal before Monday's practice.

It was my last week to go crazy with League of Legends. I'm really trying to learn new roles such as solo top, mid, and jungle (I can leave ADC alone cause I'm an awful carry). I haven't succeeded cause everyone is just too good for me. I want to make a new account and play with noobs until I get better. It would also help when I play with Aidan, Jody, and Kathy.

I spent most of it playing League of Legends. I really should do something else. I made friends playing it, though! FrostFlower11 is Krysta and Skypath is Lindsay. We used to play often until school came.

Everyone else did summer homework and started school already. I feel like a lazy bum and that I should find something productive to do.

So far I read Fahrenheit 451 and it was an interesting book about censorship and the importance of reality. I used Sparknotes to supplement my reading and it really helped me understand it more. It was also a pretty short book, so I finished it with ease. I also tried reading Pride & Prejudice but every two sentences is a word I don't know (or completely understand). I have to often stop and look up the word but that makes me lose my train of thought in the story. It's like watching a movie but pausing it every 10 seconds, you don't really quite understand everything anymore. The book is also extremely long and so I don't have much motivation to read it...

My 16th birthday. It wasn't ALL that special. I got Pokemon Conquest and Kingdom Hearts DDD! What really made it special was that Cindy made me a video talking about our friendship and whatnot. Cheesy, but I don't care about that. LOL I didn't even do anything for her birthday... We were going to do something together, but I guess we just forgot about it.

Tennis practice started in the summer and it's really boring to me now... We don't have many members so I get a little lonely. Coach is also really hard on us now. I don't enjoy playing anymore. With our shortage of members, I'm on varsity. I shouldn't be on that team. I can't handle it. All of the new members are better than me now. I just feel so useless. I'm not athletic enough to play tennis. I have an awful reaction time and horrible balance. I miss the ball 50% of the time. Whenever I play doubles, my team always loses because of me. Why do I feel like my partner suddenly gives up when I'm with them? Sometimes I imagine that they give me ugly glares... I'm just dead weight. I feel sore every day and before practice, I'm always nauseous as if my body dreads the physical labor as much as I do. I think everyone else talks about me behind my back.