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@tolls4thee
hi 👋 my name desta or joy. any pronouns, but only mutuals can use she/her. icon from here!
not really in a headspace for DMing, but you may communicate to me via tagging me in funney animal picture or in the comments of some post i make ^_^
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Playing “lay on top of Halley”.
new fav video just dropped
Has anyone 8een sensing a certain 8ucktoothed presence, l8ly? Hello? Did no one realize this? With how finicky Paint's presence has seemingly 8een? GUYS. GUYS HEL-
*And I get snatched 8y the teal 8east.*
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it’s okay to do things that make your symptoms worse (as long as you’ll stay safe)
every once in a while you need to eat something yummy. or go on a walk. or a trip to the zoo. take a hot shower. cry your eyes out. dance. listen to music. draw for way to long. write. laugh. sit in a cafe with a friend. paint your nails. dye your hair. go on a run. pet a cat
sometimes you need to do things that are cathartic or make yourself feel alive. sometimes you need the reminder of why you’re fighting so hard to stay alive
this is your reminder that just because it makes your symptoms worse, it isn’t always the wrong thing to do. there can be value in these actions
If you think about it too, abled people do it all the time. Deciding to drink to excess at a party knowing they'll have a hangover. Going to a theme park knowing walking all day is going to hurt their feet by the end. We have the right to make those same decisions.
This is called Dignity of Risk, and it's an important concept in disability justice.
Everyone weighs their physical and mental/emotional health against one another in constantly shifting balance; inevitably, there are times when we choose to accept consequences to one for the sake of the other.
Infantilsing us by undermining our agency in the name of "protection" or "care" is yet another way that we are disabled by society.
A lot of us picked out pretty loaded names, but I'm rolling mine around and the particular headspace I was in when I chose mine.
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Wait, I just remembered something. Actually, putting this under the read more for talking about suicidality and self harm.
I was so neurodivergent as a High Schooler. I still am of course. I used to have spreadsheets of "special numbers" <(I know lol.) and I think on one date, I listed it out as a day I could kill myself I guess if I wanted. Very nonchalantly like the-
Someone already said something about our alarms system as well, to help get things done on time. I was like. Stroking my chin in the bathtub with a box cutter because I didn't feel thaaat suicidal on that scheduled day, and really, maybe I should actually do more research into how that sort of thing actually works.
Like. I didn't really feel like it was much of an attempt since I wasn't exactly serious about it. There was a lot more variables, and like woah what if I was bad at it. It's not like I could practice either.
I'm just sort of odd and particular about doing things in a specific way. Whenever I was mad at people, I made an alarm at the middle of the night to wake myself up and see if I was still pissed off enough to pour a cup of water on their face, effectively waterboarding them. Which is something I never did, but also made me think, huh. I guess I'm not that mad.
I've always used time to measure how much I actually desired something, or if it were a spur of a moment decision/something decided from emotion. Similar thing with not really ever deleting posts. It had something to do with being plural even if I had never realized it. Everyone has differing opinions on things, and it's usually best to wait until we came to some agreement.
I guess I'm recalling this now since this was more in my particular wheelhouse. IF/THEN spreadsheets guy. I haven't been around much this year though, probably since we haven't been back to school in a while.
*Dog barf noise*
ann is asleep
GUY: I just feel asleep, and now, I am about to be killed.
[GUY gets swiftly football tackled by DIO and his scrawny ass is immediately knocked the fuck out. DIO is a little shocked by how easily he went down, and is playing it cool.]
DIO:
DIO: Die of funnn.
DIO: No, he is alive. I think.
I wish insomnia at least gave you more usable hours in the day instead of just more hours where you are stupid
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My brother handing me a birthday card and a pen to write on. I was thinking on just reciting poetry with a foot on the coffee table, maybe a mic or megaphone in hand that would screech the whole time.
There once was a man from nantucket.
That traveled the world with a bucket.
He scooped up dead fowl,
on boat as he prowled,
Through styx as he carved roads due writ.
I roll up my parchment, and gesture at my father while doing a neck slit motion at her.
I did have a dream about the Santa Clause devil last night, now that I think of it. It was sort of nonsensical and hard to describe.
