blog?

Every Hamster knows how to play sudoku but they can't do it because their hands are too small to hold a pencil

Could yall stop shooting each other outside my window im trying to masturbate

So this was actually the sound of my car getting stolen

investing at 10 notes

you are my friend and to some extent the altar upon which i mount my guilt

you are my friend and to an increasing extent the saviour i worship

you are my friend and i hope something ruins you before i do

sorry kids daddy lost all his money betting on rhinoceros beetle fights again there won't be a christmas this year

good news babies, momma just cleared some chump of everything. Two christmases this year. God i love beetles fighting

at the start of every month everyone reblogs some insane poetry that’s like “august has arrived and again I swallow my bones in the burning sun” and every time I’m like damn that makes no sense. but kind of true.

[ID: A screenshot of two consecutive posts on the Tumblr dashboard. The first is the original post, and the second is a post by @/shesnake that says, “hello august you piece of shit”. End ID]

idioms are always funnier in languages you do not understand, especially when a native speaker is struggling to explain and actively digesting how ridiculous it is in real time

What if water didn't have surface tension and whenever you spilled some, the whole floor of your entire apartment was covered in a 2 micrometer deep puddle

you've taught me to count blessings I didn't know were mine

the thing they dont tell you about learning to "trust the process" is that you forget and relearn it every single time you make a new piece of art. unfortunately there is no cure either

nothing can break the bond between a friend who loves spoilers and a friend who just watched an amazing show and needs to tell someone the entire plot from start to finish

alternatively: nothing can break the bond between a friend who doesnt read and a friend who just read an amazing book and needs to tell someone the entire plot from start to finish

nothing can break the bond between a friend who cannot and will not watch horror but is still interested and a friend who just watched an amazing horror movie and needs to tell someone the entire plot from start to finish