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@tmarauder101
You know Jones soda cap, as a tumblr user i can actually say i think I have.

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writing is a fantastic hobby but the kicker is it's a lot harder to show your friends as it's progressing. with a sketch i can show someone and they'll be like oh that's an apple. you can't do that with words until you get a lot of them down. so i'll just be like damn fuckin. uhh. check this out
that's right. and that's just one of the several words i know
Hot Take: The Iliad isn't hard to adapt. Writers nowdays are just too chicken shit to let their protagonist be pieces of shit (Every Achean king is a piece of shit in their own ways).
If you try to adapt the Iliad for a good VS evil story, you will obviously fail, dah. The Iliad is not about good VS evil. Is about the horrors of war.
Who would win
Miss Piggy
Angel from Buffy
and while we’re at it, fuck this idea that ONE ACCOUNT has to belong uniquely to ONE PERSON. This is the same thing these silicon valley fucks want; their vision of the future where everyone has a unique biometric ID code implanted in their body is the ultimate extension of Netflix’s “no password sharing” policy. You want to use your friend’s car? Sorry, you can’t, you need to be an authorized user. Your mother wants to let you look something up on her OED account? Too bad! That’s only for her! The concept of perfect market efficiency gives them greedy little money bag eyes.
If I pay money to have a newspaper sent to my house, they don’t charge me extra when I show it to my dad. This password sharing thing isn’t just a Netflix problem; don’t be surprised if it shows up elsewhere in other forms. Stamp this idea out now or we’ll be stuck with it.
This is by far the most popular post I have and I have to say: good, I’m right. Password sharing and ID verification are going to kill the internet. not oooh in 50 years. in like 5 more.

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Not every road to success is the same way. Some are paved with guard rails. Some are dirt roads. Some have many turns and twists. Some have massive potholes and spikes laid everywhere. Some have the safety lights shot out. Know your privilege.
Today a woman pulled through drive thru. After examining the menu, she asked, "What's the difference between the blended version and the iced version of that drink?"
My barista on the headset tried. "Uh...one's blended and one's...not."
A note of impatience. "But how are they different?"
My barista turned to look at me.
I switched on my mic. "The blended version is more like sweet treat milkshake vibes and the iced version is better if you're looking for a caffeinated going to work moment."
And somehow it was the correct answer.
Half of my job is responding to nonsense with nonsense and I think it's truly beautiful that that's communication.
Hmmm i disagree with you but i could not possibly wade through the cranberry bog of my mind to verbalize why
As above (mental issues)
So below (insane pussy)
Oat milk was discovered much more recently than you may have known. Like many now-familiar technologies, it was found by accident during the Apollo program when NASA learned what a zero-g environment does to goat milk.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Love it when a character is like “I can tell you’re trying to smooth talk me and I’m fully aware you’re trying to manipulate me but it’s working. Keep complimenting me.”
Ah, you’re trying to flatter me. My one weakness! Keep going.
i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second
anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk
and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something
paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.
i say, paul.
is that a nerf gun.
yeah, says paul.
i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.
he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?
and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–
a foam dart hits me in the leg.
i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.
i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.
no dart this time. okay. sweet.
so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it
anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.
i think every publisher should have to institute a ban on books that fail what i’m calling the “little life” and “what else?” tests
for reference.
"When I taught creative writing at Princeton, [my students] had been told all of their lives to write what they knew. I always began the course by saying, “Don’t pay any attention to that.” First, because you don’t know anything and second, because I don’t want to hear about your true love and your mama and your papa and your friends. Think of somebody you don’t know. What about a Mexican waitress in the Rio Grande who can barely speak English? Or what about a Grande Madame in Paris? Things way outside their camp. Imagine it, create it. Don’t record and editorialize on some event that you’ve already lived through. I was always amazed at how effective that was. They were always out of the box when they were given license to imagine something wholly outside their existence. I thought it was a good training for them. Even if they ended up just writing an autobiography, at least they could relate to themselves as strangers."
-Toni Morrison in an 2014 interview with NEA Arts Magazine
in World War 1 around 8 million horses died but in World War 2 it was under a million which can only mean horses started to evolve bullet resistance
im sorry i couldnt just let these slide
99% of improv is the worst thing you’ve ever seen and physically painful to get through but once in a blue moon you see two people who are both good and also trust each other in such a profound way it would be less intimate to watch them have sex. Don’t know if that’s a good thing though just saying that’s what it is

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As someone who is both trans and has a child, absolutely hilarious to me that society presents one of these as absolutely only to be done if you are 110% certain and have proved to several people that you want it bad enough and are ready, and the other is like. You might as well everyone else does. Just do it nobody feels ready. You don’t want to? Yes you do
Especially since one of those is pretty reversible if you change your mind after a couple years and the other one, well, technically but that’s pretty frowned upon