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@titamayacus
reminder that everything said here is personal things. we don't expect people to change based on what we say here. if we wanted people to make changes, we would say them elsewhere. this is solely a yelling space.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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we are not keeping up with other people's more serious sideblog posts. i don't really feel bothered about this myself but ark does like to keep up, unfortunately there is that inferiority complex that stops him whenever someone has already reacted. and because it's karl, it just does not feel like interacting at all at that point.
this is honestly it's own baggage to sort out. i'm just being slightly nosy.
i think. i really have to learn how to keep my fucking mouth shut. because i'm a mean cunt even when i don't mean to be
not enjoying fronting right now, i'm just here out of nessessity because our "guy who likes fronting" is not here right now.
cut to our guy who likes fronting and he's laying in a pile feeling weird and its filtering down to me.
eugh. i really don't want to be in control right now.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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i stilld ont know if this is it or not but i think our brain is shoving us back into "outside observer" status where we dont belong anywhere and every conversation we intrude on might be the last we ever had which. is stupid as fuck but its making our anxiety go fucking haywire
i just want to interact with people without feeling fear is that so fucking hard
returns to front. still stressed as fuck for no reason yipee!!!!!
i do want to take off my "responsible one" gloves off for a moment and say. Ark is being a massive coward and it really should hash things out with karl at this point. I really do not want to do this for it because it is not my problem to deal with, but this has gone on for long enough I am very much getting annoyed.
Yes, gray messed up handling this situation. Yes karl will not change in a day just for having this talk. No, nothing is guaranteed to happen and harsh things will be thrown around because it is just the nature of things like this.
Still, i understand not wanting to be continously hurt but this anymore, and doing this could make it worse. but its better then sitting here doing nothing if the situation can get better.
but that's enough for tonight. i'm tired and its 12am now.
was hashing things out with ark and. part of it feel like its not allowed to change because things are already so difficult. which feels wrong, but I'm not about to correct him about that.
weird dream that i think we switched in the middle of. edel took over at some point which was, disorientating even in the dream. but that only happened because i (ark) got pissed off at something.
i dont know what it was but im still mad about it

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woke up mad. i know why but its kinda pointless to get into because dream related nfmkdsnlgsf
me: wow its so nice to not have random emotional problems i don't know the root cause for
our brain: creates random emotional problem i don't know the root cause of
me: fuck
tried to draw. didn't go so well. i can't tell if its because our fronting room is just exceptionally crowded tonight/ark found out we had an alter we had No idea about a few hours ago, or because we're just tired physically.
in the end nothing has changed and i'm still treated like a fucking thing with too much of a resemblance to something else and fucking reviled for me, even if all i want is just to be treated like a person by the guy i wronged by existing
hellish fronting experience can i not feel every negative emotion while being unable to process it because edel's here please

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i love getting ignored in a space with only Two Other people its like they have a grudge against me or i said something that they misinterpreted and theyre fucking mad at me without trying to work anything out
ac repair people please fix it tomorrow i cant do this shit for a lot of days on end I DONT LIKE SUMMER