i am a sword.

hi there, lei (s/h) here! and this is ahn minhyun, manager of the wheat barrel, older brother and the guy who's always taking smoke breaks. you can check his profile here and some tidbits under the read more. if you'd like to plot like this and i'll dm you! ♥

Climbing the stairs above the Wheat Barrel, he was preparing himself for the conversation he thought they’d be having. “Okay, so when are you leaving this time?” Were the first words that left his lips as he was let inside. A hint of accusation that he wasn’t able to hide, showing on his tone. “That’s why you invited me over, right? To say goodbye.”

minhyun had stared at his phone all day long, fingers hovering over the screen, too scared to send the text he had written. every few minutes he'd unlock it and look at it, change a word or two and lock his phone again, like a coward. it took him half a day of working up his courage to press send and wait for an answer. how would eunho react, he thought, upon reading it? minhyun was ready for not even getting a reply when he saw his brother's name on his phone, a simple answer that made his heart beat faster.

fast forward to now, when he opens the door to eunho and smiles. but that doesn't last long when he hears his brother's words. there's anger in his voice, but minhyun can't blame for it. after all, he left once, it's understandable that eunho would think that he's leaving again.

he thinks of the little kid eunho was, eyes shining every time he looked at minhyun. they had been happy, somehow. minhyun did everything he could, he made sure that their parents' fights never reached his siblings. but it was too much, the pressure, the expectations, the idea of a future where he would do that until his old age. running away had been easier then, when minhyun was a boy, but he's an adult now and that is no longer an option.

"i'm not leaving," he replies, voice tense. "i invited you over to talk and to apologize."

it's hard for him to talk to his brother like an adult, after all, in his mind eunho is still that little boy who idolized him. but the grown man standing in front of him doesn't look impressed. minhyun gestures for eunho to follow him inside, sitting on his small living room.

“you know, like the apples.” he adjusts in his seat, stretching out one almost-numb leg to bring feeling back into it. “have you caught anything cool recently?… anything else, i mean.”

minhyun stares at seongmin and back at his phone. "jonagold," he repeats and then starts typing the name on his app. seongmin's comment doesn't even affect him, he's used to the other man's blasé attitude. a small town has that effect on some people, minhyun guesses. days pile up and nothing happens and one can get pretty joyless.

he thinks of hyein, then. of all the guys... minhyun thinks, but doesn't say a thing. whatever seongmin and his friend have going on is their business, but he guesses he can at least befriend the guy, if he wants to befriend anyone, that is.

"there's a snorlax out there near hyein's house that is giving me trouble," he says, sounding more upset than adult should be at a simple game. "but i did catch an arbok last week. i'm trying to build a poison team." which is not going very well, but seongmin doesn't need to know that. after all, minhyun is just saying whatever comes to his mind to make sure seongmin talks to another person. he bets he only talks to his grandparents, if that.

"i didn't expect seomri to have so many places to play," he continues, knowing seomgin won't contribute much. "it's a good way of exercising and getting to know the area, so much has changed since i left." and before, when he was taking care of his father he didn't have the time to explore the town. all minhyun knew was the way to his family house, to the hospital and to the bar.

Pulling the chair and sitting down with a paltry plate, "Hi." The proper title to address him circles on her brain for a moment. Familiarity was scarce in their case. "Minhyun-ssi. Good to see you again. I hope you're enjoying Seomri."

lately, minhyun's life has been an endless chorus of what am i doing here?

he asked himself that when he first arrived in seomri, when he entered his childhood home and asked for his father, when he pinned the head mourner armband at his funeral, when he decided to pick up a job at the wheat barrel and stay even after his father passed. but right now he wonders what he is doing in yoon okyoung's backyard.

the invitation came as a surprise, as minhyun didn't think the rest of seomri would be excited to see him around. but turns out that no one can resist gossip, and that is something that minhyun can provide plenty with his life. as he mingles with other people, he's hit with casual questions of how are his siblings (fine), how is his mother (great) and is he looking for a new wife (absolutely not). the truth is that he doesn't know how his siblings are because they barely speak, the last time his mother sent any news was three months ago and minhyun is currently more interested in another man, so no new wives in his future.

but he withstands the questions and prodding like a warrior because that is what it means to live in a small town, to have everyone in your business. once he gets tired of it he picks some food and sits by an empty table, eating slowly and looking around—he's sure all the ajummas would frown if he tried to be on his phone during a social gathering, so he doesn't do it.

"That being said it's not that serious, just more of something to pass the time." Though, it goes without saying time is running out. She's getting older and her mother likes to remind her daily that fertility levels drop severely after 30. "So you're just going to have to cook for me until the end of time. Oppa, just think: you can move in onto the farm. You run the books and do the cooking, I run the farm and do the housework. We could be living an incredibly efficient dream."

"your mother must be really desperate if she would settle for me," minhyun says, chuckling. it's best to take it lightly than to tell hyein that she is far too old to be letting her mother boss her around like this. besides, what does minhyun know about relationships with one's mother anyway? his never hid the fact that her kids were a burden, taking away time of her precious life. at least hyein's mother seems to care about her future, as misguided as that care may be.

he hears hyein talk with interest. for the past year minhyun has been in seomri, but not entirely there. he has worked, and bought groceries and walked around, but his mind has always been with his father, worried about him, about the future. only now that his father has passed can he begin to truly integrate himself into the town.

"yeah, you don't want to marry that type of guy." he taps his fingers against the table, wishing he could grab a cigarette. but the wheat barrel has a no smoking indoors police and minhyun can't be the one to break it. "nothing worse than a guy who has mommy issues." he gives her a pointed look, just so hyein knows he's joking about himself too.

"an affair with the vet surely would be a way to pass the time." he grins at her. "but as long as he's a nice guy, why not?" minhyun shrugs. there's nothing much to do in seomri, and hyein should enjoy herself. he still remembers all the times she'd visit him in seoul, taking her out, telling her to have some fun. she's too dutiful, his friend.

There's a moment of silence while Minhyun takes a corner. The blinker clicks; Suhwan busies himself by poking at a hole that's wearing into his sleeve. "I dunno. I mean, I guess I'm never gonna be happy with the situation anyway."

the thing is, they've done this before. not the moving of furniture, that is new, but changing their lives around one of the song sisters. when he was younger, minhyun would escape through his bedroom window every time his parents started to argue and rush to suhwan's house. there, song sungmi would smile at him as he came in, pet his head and offer him food. likewise, every time a new boyfriend would appear suhwan would show up at his door, sulking.

so, minhyun isn't surprised when suhwan asks him help. if anything he's happy to leave seomri for a few hours—and despite everything, he wants to see his aunt—even if it's in such terrible weather. they pack the things and leave and if minhyun ignores the whole family situation for a moment it's almost like a road trip.

he hears to suhwan's words, but doesn't take them to heart. he's always a bit mean when he's sad, and he's always sad when it comes to his mother. "you don't have to be happy with the situation, but you have to accept it," minhyun says it with the wisdom of a man who has had to accept many, many things he wasn't happy with. "your mother is an adult, she can make her own choices." debatable, but he won't go there today.

"my mother sent me an email yesterday," he adds. if there's one person he can talk to about youngmi, it's suhwan. "she's in argentina now, can you believe it? she said she wanted to see the abaporu." she had even sent pictures of herself posing next to the painting, happy. his mother looked good, the painting, quite frankly, ugly, but minhyun was never an artistic person. "she sent everyone a hello, didn't ask about my father." of course she didn't. "she even invited me to visit her sometime, she's taking tango lessons, can you believe?" as if minhyun could simply run away again.

“For the table in the back, please.” It comes out painfully meek as she slides the card towards him. Ironically her courage falters after a few obligatory drinks; she can barely keep her eyes on his face. His chin will do. “If I could get the receipt, that’d be great.”

let it be known: ahn minhyun doesn't hold grudges.

he doesn't, really. if he did, his family would be the firsts in a long list, so he learned to be the bigger person, to live and let live. yet, when byeon bitna stops in front of him, he feels a certain way. because once upon a time they used to be friends, and bitna would happily seat in his living room and drink the alcohol he bought—and he doesn't even drink alcohol—and eat the food he cooked.

and minhyun was a very good host, back then. a good friend, even. so, when he and sooyoung divorced he thought that bitna would continue being his friend since he was the one who invited her into their circle. yet, his invitations to hang out were turned down with excuses of work, his messages went unanswered until minhyun understood it: sooyoung left and took all the friends with her (and the yoga instructor!).

so, what a surprise it was to see bitna in seomri. minhyun has been nothing but polite, but he can't help the tinge of satisfaction he feels every time he sees bitna around town; there they are, the two of them back to the same place they said they'd never return to, no sooyoung in sight.

when she approaches, he nods and says a low "hi", the picture of a professional. after telling her how much they owe—those men surely drink a lot—he takes the card and waits. and waits. and waits. the machine makes a noise and he looks down.

“You, uh..” he starts, the bass in Junggyu’s voice trailing, falling flat. “You said you wanted to talk.” A statement. “It’s been a real long day for me and I’m just trying to get home right about now. Wanna make it quick?”

one thing life has taught minhyun is that once you make choices you have to learn how to live the consequences.

it has always kept him awake what his life would have been if he had stayed with junggyu. he doesn't know where he would be, or if they'd still be together. who knows, maybe their childish love would have crumbled under real life responsibilities—it's so easy to love someone when you're just starting life, not so much when you have a job and bills to pay—, maybe they would have come to resent each other, or hate each other or, worse of it all, they would have come to be indifferent towards each other.

no, he doesn't think he could ever be indifferent towards cha junggyu.

he knew that junggyu would be there in seomri. suhwan had told him, watching his expression for any sign of emotion. but minhyun had always been good on masking his emotions in front of his siblings and cousins, and so he had said a is that so? with a neutral tone that betrayed nothing.

inside, however, minhyun was anxious. seeing junggyu for the first time in ten years made his heart ache in a way minhyun didn't think it would ever be possible. but his father was dying and his family needed him and once again minhyun had to push his own needs and wants to the back so he could help the family he had abandoned years ago.

so, to all those on the outside, him and junggyu knew each other through work. what an irony that their jobs revolve around alcohol. minhyun still remembers their first serious conversations, confessing their fathers' sins, understanding each other better than anyone else could.

now, minhyun watches junggyu with an expression he's sure is open, starved. he could never fake around junggyu, it had always been easy to know how he felt. he turns to the bottles, a cursory glance to count them and make sure everything is in order before noting down on his clipboard.

"no problem, we're not expecting crowds this week anyway," he says as he writes down the number of the orders.

junggyu's words make minhyun look up at him. he'd rather not do this here, but he supposes this as far junggyu is willing to go. and why should minhyun be given anything else anyway?

the problem with being a bar manager, minhyun thinks, it's the amount of free time. back in seoul, when he worked with accounting, he didn't have time to even breathe while he was working. but here his work days are so calm he wonders what is he supposed to do with all the time he now has in his hands.

like right now, in the middle of the week, early in the evening. the wheat barrel is almost empty and minhyun has worked here enough to know that it's not going to change. most people won't leave their farm jobs to come to the bar in the middle of the week when they have to wake up early the next day, and so the bar will be empty until the weekend.

but han seongmin is not most people, apparently.

minhyun watches him arrive with the same wary behavior a cornered animal would: looking around, keeping to himself, seconds away from leaving. but he sits in the corner and asks for his drink and minhyun continues watching him. it's not like he's trying to make the guy leave, but minhyun is curious by nature, and he likes to observe other people.

and since the bar is almost empty, he decides he can go from observing to talking. they've talked before, seongmin and him—well, minhyun did most of the talking, but he doesn't mind it—and so he grabs his phone and leaves his place behind the counter, sitting in front of seongmin without asking permission.

"Fuck, this really is good." She takes a deep breath and leans back in her seat. The bloat no doubt will begin to set in soon and she'll hate herself shortly, but for now Hyein can only feel bliss. "I missed having you around. Seriously, I did."

there's nothing like cooking for one's loved ones.

back in seoul, minhyun would offer dinners for his friends and watch them eat with a smile on his lips. when his wife ate his food he would beam, proud of himself for being a good husband. (turns out he wasn't that good, after all). but here, in seomri, he doesn't get the chance to cook for anyone other than suhwan, so it's nice to see hyein eat his food.

"don't be silly hyein, you'll look pretty as always," he says as he sits in front of her, a glass of soda to keep himself entertained instead of his usual cigarette—he's still on the clock, technically, but the wheat barrel is almost empty this early in the evening, so no one will mind if he takes a few moments to keep his friend's company. "the vet, huh? i see your mother is trying to get you a husband and free care for the animals at the farm. smart woman." he chuckles, cleaning his glasses on the hem of his shirt. nam kyunghee surely is a visionary, minhyun just wishes she wouldn't fill hyein's head with stupid ideas about food and weight.

but that's what parents do, isn't it? hurt their kids.

"you got me, i'm back in seomri just to ruin your marriage prospects. no white dress for my hyein while i'm here." he chuckles, taking a sip of his drink and wishing he was smoking instead.