caffeine-lover

I just realized the last time I posted here was October 2013, that’s almost 7 years ago.

8 years ago, I was starting out my career in Manila. I was trying to be independent. I was looking for a fresh start, where people don’t know me, why and how I ended up there. Though, to be honest I was following my heart, the girl that I was wanted no what-ifs, I followed someone to that big city. Making sure I was there for him every step of the way. As much as I wanted that sweet ending to stories that I frequently watch, the silly me then met someone who appreciated me and did the silly things I did for the very person I followed. I realized, I deserved it. I deserved the love and care this new person gave me. After all the years my efforts where unreciprocated, there comes this new person who showed me, I was special. That I was and am deserving of love.

This new person is my husband of almost 6 years now. Unchanging, faithful and accepting through and through.

Thinking of our recent travel and how we were lucky enough to be safe and healthy in the comforts of our home even with our exposure with a lot of people. To be honest we were scared when we went home last January. We were scared that we may have contracted the virus during our week long stay in Malaysia and Singapore. Fortunately a month of being symptom free calmed our anxiety down.

Today however, marks the 1st Month of our country in Enhanced Community Quarantine with some places in full lockdown. Other countries even have it worse, which makes this Pandemic a global problem. I’m not sure why I came back here. I think it’s my anxiety. Maybe the lack of social interaction with people I talk to on a day to day basis? I’m not sure as well.

I want solitude, and this isolation is fulfilling it. I removed my Facebook and Messenger applications for 2 weeks now, as they add to the stress that COVID-19 brings me. It’s been a week now. I know this is not healthy at all. Especially with my mental health on the line. But I’m not sure if I want to trade the longing for social interaction to the stress that people / friends give me with their differing political views. It’s stressful, it’s loud, it’s deafening.

I have been using up this time to bake, almost everyday. I watch Korean Series, shows on Netflix, and take long naps.

Being able to control what to do with my time and the peace it brings me. Worrying about getting infected during grocery or work days and how long everyone’s going to suffer this.