if u're seeing this i *mwah* kiss u on ur cheek

quick everybody the killer clown is coming you have to get in my vagina

quick everybody slenderman is in the woods you have to get in my vagina

authorities have issued an order to shelter in place. in my vagina.

Giant plastic inflatable pikachu:

theres a whole album of song titles you can make just from the words of this tweet

this makes smoking weed sound so much cooler than it is

pussy understander so they call me cliterate

you ever notice how covid cases have spiked since the cock destroyers split up? can’t be a coincidence 

since the what

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

if i dont respond to a message from you i can basically guarantee its not because i dislike you. im just getting attacked by imps and shit all the time genuinely.

Interpreted this initially not as shelves, but as your cat having erected defensive fortifications