if u're seeing this i *mwah* kiss u on ur cheek

2026 roommate: The dishwasher's loaded. 1926 roommate, having a black coffee, a cigarette, a shot of whiskey, two uppers and a downer for breakfast: Then what the fuck's he washing dishes for?

On my bucket list

Boat-tailed grackle (Quiscalus major)

They sting. I got ouched by one a couple days ago. The vest is for your protection.

*writes you down*

the toddlers don't give a FUCK about this minion song we have. they'll literally stop dancing and sit down when it comes on. music so bad you can't even have fun anymore

music make you gain control

thank you for putting a random white boy on my post i guess

OP NO. ADDING A WHITE BOY TO A VAT OF ACID CREATES A "THE JOKER.:

fuck.

when i was a young woman, well, younger than i am today as i am still quite young as a woman, but i used to be even younger if you can even believe it… anyway, back then, i had a close and intimate relationship with a blade of grass who treated me like a pearl. my pearl before swine, the blade of grass would say to me. i had never felt so adored. we never did anything untoward, me and the blade of grass, because that was one of the most upright and most conscientious blades of grass you’d ever know, no matter what lawn or putting green or protected national park you went to. i’ll never forget about our time together, me and that wonderful blade of grass. that summer, i was taught not only to give love but to take love with grace by a great, no, no, the greatest teacher the world has to offer.