water is good

I just ran through a trntbl clone (y'all remember that??), listening to all the old audio files from way back when on my blog. Admittedly I am completely sidetracked from my original task (researching different geologic job fields).

It was like a gut punch, the nostalgia. It hurt. Being thrown back 10+ years to distinct moments that I recall listening to the music or absurd clips or narrations. I miss being younger so, so deeply. Maybe I had a different sort of pain back then, but it was easier to handle. Right now, life isn't great and I'm struggling to hold my panic in.

(It's not all bad, I'll admit. I have a lot to be thankful for.)

Cheers to remembering 'ah yes the scalene triangle', the jellyfish song, EGG NOG, a word from our sponsors, among others...

Its what I needed, and it made me happy to read, but im also kind of mourning it I guess?

I doubt most of the people I used to follow are even active anymore. I dont recognize my dashboard folks.

My life is so different nowadays.

Im not sure what the next few years will being, but i'll try to make them good, and try to do whats in my control to make that happen.

Im happy but exhausted,great full that I got it over with too.

Moved north, to a different state of washington and I love it there, and my roommate is my best friend and partner. It's tough sometimes, we have had some rough patches but continue to work on our relationship (this being their first one, and this being my first true one with a goal in mind, improving myself and learning about my identity at the same time.)

Fun fact, maybe I'm not actually asexual. Maybe I am. It's been hard for me, emotionally, so i dont actually go by any sexuality anymore. I'm just trying to go with the flow. I love who I love, and i experience attraction, great, if not, great.

but I think I'm making progress, getting closer to the kind of person I want to be. I struggle with spending money, but I've been a little freer with it - I have rules now. Essentials are taken care of, and if I have anything in budget, then it goes to good experiences, good company, or good food. Ie, that might be something like going out with a friend to dinner, as it's all 3 of those categories.

I want to be kind and less selfish, too. That's a work in progress. I used to be terrified of driving, but now it's something I do a fair amount of. I find myself thinking out others more often, and I Train myself to think about them in ways that are more productive rather than fantasy. Ie, instead of daydreaming about talking to someone, I make it a reality.

christ its 2023, im 27ish, my hair is thinning because im getting OLD. (but i still look like a teenager)

anyway y’all. isn’t life weird? im in a relationship (its a lot of mental work and stresses me out, even though i love them deeply) and might be moving in together soon. i didnt expect this person. nor the fact theyre in the army (something im ...yknow... not exactly highly supportive of. veterans, yes army no.) 

i’ve been through a major life-changing surgery, have a job in a field I was not originally going to be in, have travelled a lot and am looking for more.

There are a lot of things in life that i’d do differently, if given the chance. But there’s only one path, and it’s straight ahead. Or bent.

Super duper long. I most likely won't be back for another long stretch of time cause it turns out that i don't really need to be on tumblr anymore. There are a lot of other things in life I'm doing - travelling with my partner, camping, working, working out, life drawing.

Can't decide if I'll 1) be on tumblr by 2022 and 2) if I'll still care about spn (assuming this is to do with the rules stating that actors have to keep quiet about their show for two years)