Through my eyes

1. Unplug from social media and, if possible, switch off your phone.

2. Try to drop all non-essential commitments.

3. Make sure you get out of the house. Deliberately change your environment each day.

4. Make a list of the things you CAN do, and begin by changing at least one of them.

5. Get a grip of the negative thought patterns. Try to focus on something positive.

Check through the list below to see if you have traits of codependency. They include:

1. Feeling responsible for other people’s thoughts, feelings, behaviour or physical, mental and emotional well being.

2. Repeatedly putting the needs, wishes and wellbeing of others before your own needs, wishes, and wellbeing. Caring for them is more important, and takes precedence over, caring for yourself.

3. Feeling compelled to be there for others. Feeling most comfortable when you are putting yourself out for others … or are doing everything you can to support them … or are desperately helping them to find solutions. At the same time, you feel guilty about asking for help from other people.

4. Staying in relationships that have little benefit to you, and may even prove to be harmful or abusive. Excusing and tolerating poor treatment for the sake of maintaining peace and harmony.

5. Repeating the pattern of going from one unhealthy or abusive relationship to another. Having low self worth and low self esteem.

To break the self destructive patterns above:

1. Recognize that you have a tendency to be drawn into codependent relationships – and make the decision to change this pattern. This will require acknowledging that these types of relationships are actually unhealthy (which may not be obvious to a codependent person).

2. Understand that breaking these ingrained patterns is very difficult to do alone. Consider working with a counsellor to identify the roots of the problems, to separate out what are healthy patterns of relating from what are unhealthy patterns of relating. Learn how to establish healthy appropriate boundaries. Work on saying “no”, and putting yourself first.

3. Step back and allow others to accept full responsibility for their words, responses, reactions and behaviours. Recognise the facts that it’s not your job to be responsible for anyone other than yourself. Don’t assume the blame when other peoples’ lives go wrong.

4. Keep your focus on yourself and your own needs and problems. Remember that you also have your own life to live

5. Understand that the right thing to do is to take care of your own life and needs first – before looking out for the needs of other people. That’s not being selfish: that is being a healthy, responsible adult.

1. Other peoples’ expectations for you. At the end of the day, it’s your life – not theirs- so just be yourself, and set your own personal goals.

2. What other people say and do. It’s not up to us to control other people, or to change how they act, or try to influence their decisions.

3. Aiming for perfection. It’s unrealistic to aim for perfection. You’ll just be disappointed and discouraged all the time.

4. Getting it wrong. We all make mistakes in our journey through this life. That’s simply part of learning, and of being normal and human.

5. Fitting in. Although social skills matter, and it’s good to fit in, you also need to be yourself - a unique, special individual. Also, conformity can kill individuality.

6. Being right. This is highly over-rated and can cause a lot of stress. If you’re confident and real you don’t need to prove you’re right!

- Mariane Calazan . Brasil 18′

-La Trahison des images , 17′

Tomorrow is not promised. 🌹 Neither was today. 🥀

Chelsea Carroll (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

The men of @afropunk