A horse's biggest purpose in life is to make you think they died

Bearded vultures will see an iron oxide rich mud puddle and go 'is anyone going to bathe in that' and not wait for an answer

transphobic music fans be listening to he or she might be giants

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

Goes up to a gay couple and asks whose the pineapple and whose the werewolf

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.

i feel like there’s a great au potential in there where ilya is shane’s older wealthy neighbor’s pool boy who is having an affair with the woman and shane is like lmao ok messyyy except then ilya starts hitting on him and shane’s like well. i am also possibly messy. and then they keep seeing each other and shane is like alright how does this work. do i give you money? and ilya gets really really upset and shane is like wait are you not fucking mrs. vanderhoef for money?? and ilya is like of COURSE i am fucking cynthia for money! i am not fucking YOU for money!!!

The sinus is the ultimate proof that God don't exist