Thorfinn Rowle

“Probably not here,” she hummed, grinning up at him. “But at home. Or just not in a park full of people.”

She didn’t say anything for a long while, just sort of half pacing as she tried to process it, certain things clicking in her head while others continued to make as little sense as possible. Then, she stopped and turned to face him, one hand moving to her neck anxiously. “But that means you’ve done the things he’s done, doesn’t it? And the reason you found me that day – it wasn’t because you were out walking, or shopping… you were there,” she said quietly.

“Some things, yes. But that.. Rodolphus had a very different area of expertise than I did. He was cruel in his regular life, that was put to use,” he replied. He quickly shook is head, looking up at her. “No. I mean-- Yes, I was there but I wasn’t part of it. I still don’t even know who hurt you, I swear.” If he did they’d probably be dead by now.

“I’m sure I could convince you.”

“Why?” She asked, frowning. “Do you think I would have told someone?” Shaking her head, Glenda ran a hand over her face, her fingers stopping to press into the bridge of her nose. “I don’t understand – you don’t believe in that! You’re not – you –” She shook her head, trying to make sense of it, “you’re not a blood supremacist. You don’t care. I’ve never heard you use any sort of slur, or derogatory language, or – you’re nothing like Rodolphus.” Rodolphus had been a man she’d had no problem believing had joined the ranks of the Death Eaters once the truth had come out, even just by the handful of interactions they’d had. 

“It’s not that,” he disagreed, shaking his head. He had never even considered telling her before now, never mind worried about what would happen if he did. “Like I said, they get people for their skills and connections. There’s people who are incredibly talented at occlumency and who get into your mind in seconds, and since you’re so close to my family you were always at risk for being checked,” he explained. “No, no, I’m not,” he assured her, shaking his head. “But it wasn’t about that at first - at least not that I knew of. It was just about connections and making bonds that would help me make it without my father’s help after school.”

“The right amount, I think.”

Taking a deep breath, she shook her head, and let out a humorless laugh. “You’ve been a Death Eater the entire time that I’ve known you,” she said, suddenly filled with nervous energy as she stood up and began to half pace the space. “The entire time. You’ve been lying to me this entire time.”

He nodded, watching her nervously as she began to pace around the room. “I-- Yes,” he said again, biting the inside of her cheek. “It wasn’t a thing I could ever tell you, Glenda. Even if I wanted to.” But he hadn’t wanted to. “If anyone found out.. You’d have been dead in seconds. I never told anyone.”

“I’ve been your best friend for a long while, though,” she pointed out. “And that also gives me a shit load of authority.”

Her smile faded when he glanced away, and she felt a pit of anxiety begin to build, suddenly feeling like they were back at that conversation they’d had all those months ago when he’d insisted he was no good for her and refused to listen to reason. Now it felt eerily similar, and the more visibly uncomfortable he became, the more she felt like her skin was beginning to crawl. But when it all was out there, and he’d explained everything, it felt as if she were on a delay, the words processing a few moments after he’d said them. Looking down at the tattoo, she shook her head, eyes glued to it, not understanding how she’d never seen it. Knowing logically how she’d never seen it, but still not getting it, and processing it. It all made sense, but it didn’t. It surprised her, but it didn’t. Eyes glued to the ink marring his forearm, her brow creased, but she otherwise didn’t move or look at him. “You’re a Death Eater,” she said quietly.

“Yes,” he answered with a nod that she didn’t see, following her lead on what to do or say next.  

She scoffed. “On the authority that comes with being your girlfriend.”

Nodding along as he went on, Glenda stayed quiet and just listened, not yet bridging the gap between what had started as something relatively innocent and where it ultimately led to. Her inner defense mechanisms had her wanting to say something, anything, and she absolutely loathed staying quiet and just waiting. A part of her wanted to make a joke, seeing as they’d yet to have gotten to anything too terrible, which only made her more anxious – because it certainly couldn’t be as bad as he thought it was, could it? So instead of saying anything, she gave him what she hoped was a small, encouraging smile to show she was actively paying attention.

She gave him a small smile and he glanced away, feeling guiltier than ever. He never should have given in to his desires and gotten in this relationship. He was only going to hurt her ten times as much now, never mind the public involvement he had already allowed that would make whatever came next worse for them both. He pushed away the urge to apologise to her, knowing it was pointless before she knew. He swallowed, continuing on with a small nod. “When we left school.. things changed. Everything got.. more intense. But I was young and I was stupid and I was so so eager to please and I went along with it all.” He paused, glancing away as he knew this was probably the last moment she would look at him with love in her eyes. Concern and confusion sure, but love too. “I did things that tied me in in ways I didn’t quite understand at the time. But I also started to matter more, because of my connections and my job, and my magic skills, and I loved it. I loved being needed and important so I went along with it all. Even bits I didn’t like or agree with. I--” He pushed up his sleeves, and held out his arm. “I got a tattoo,” he said softly, knowing it would appear for her once she knew about it, held back until then by the magic he put on it. “I didn’t know it when I joined I swear, but I was part of You-Know-Who’s group and I was in too deep before I realised it and there was no way out.” His words were soft and quiet, timid almost. He stayed quiet then, not sure if she would want him to go on anymore. He stayed as far back in his chair as he could, in case she was frightened by his proximity. 

“Me.”

Thorfinn kissed her hand, and she pressed her hand to his cheek before he pulled away entirely, surprised when his wand appeared and his placed it on the coffee table. Pulling her legs up onto the couch, she crossed them, just sort of watching him as he began to speak, her brow furrowed as she tried to piece together what was going on. Glenda nodded in response to his question, and as he continued she was automatically tempted to speak and rebuke the idea that he wasn’t enough for her or didn’t deserve her as she usually did, her mouth momentarily opening to do so before she stopped herself, quickly recalling the promise she’d just made. “What is it?” She just asked quietly, brow furrowed in concern.

He looked at her and lies crossed his mind, stories he could make up to tell instead, anything to save what they had. But still, he continued on. “You know when I was in school I went through quite a long phase of doing anything to piss my father off but when I grew out of that, I sort of went into overdrive attempting to please him. I put effort into my school work that I hadn’t in years and worked on my magic and maintaining the relationships he wanted me to build. This caught the attention of some guys in the year above me who knew who my father was but I’d previously brushed off. I started to hang out with them more and they told me about a group they had. It was just some stupid after school thing I thought, they asked me to get more guys to join and it all just seemed like really great networking,” he said, a note of bitterness to his voice. “When I went home and told my father that summer he was thrilled, it was exactly what he wanted from me and I was so pleased with my self. The next year that’s still all it was; just kids with powerful or rich parents coming together to talk about how great we were. Maybe some people who were really good at magic or potions. It was like Slugorn’s club on steroids.” He paused briefly, just looking at her to see how see was doing so far.

“Except you’re terrible when it comes to appropriately describing yourself.”

Hesitating for a moment, she eventually nodded. “…okay.”

“Thank you,” he replied with a small smile, half wondering if she had any inkling about what he was about to say. He kissed her hand before pulling away, taking out his wand and dropping it on the small table next to the couch. Truthfully it was pointless, he was very good at wandless magic, but he hoped it would make her feel better when she inevitably got scared. He stood up, starting to talk. “Remember before, when I said I wouldn’t be with you because I didn’t deserve you? I know you never fully believed that but it was the truth I just-- I didn’t tell you the main reason I thought that. Or still think it. And before you plan our house and lives I want to tell you because.. I love you too much to keep it from you when I’m sure it’s something that will change your mind about me.” He sat down as he spoke, on an armchair away from her, creating space between them that she would soon be grateful for.

“Neither can you.”

“Okay,” she said quietly, glancing up at him.

“Let me finish before you... before you respond.”

“I think you’re delusional.”