Kit is ashamed of herself, when she sees how much her words meant to Tobias. She was so convinced that people would not need or seek her validation, that she sometimes forgot that she was not the only person walking through life with insecurities and fears. How often did people simply want to hear that she understood, or that she supported their decisions, and she was walking around to wrapped up in her own world to provide that validation.
"Perhaps we needed someone to barrel in. We were all playing pretend, at least in part, hoping that if we all wanted it enough, and played the roles we had found ourselves in with enough conviction, all of the rest would sort itself out. But life doesn't work that way, certainly not when there is a single voice and vision everyone is trying to mould themselves into." She hadn't stopped, didn't know how to secure her place without reflecting back exactly what Lord Thorne wanted from her, but she was beginning to realise that she wouldn't be able to pretend forever.
She cannot hide her grin as Tobias gives her a playful nudge, "Yes, that has all worked out rather perfectly. Who knew Whistledown could be used to spread helpful rumours, as well as harmful. I rather suspect that development took even her by surprise." It was easier to pretend that she was in control with this whole affair with Nicolas, rather than admit that this whole thing felt like the most dangerous, out of control, irresistible situation she had ever found herself in.
"You can try - but I suspect I will still find a way to plan. You'll think we've had the most amazing, spontaneous day, and never realise that I have perfectly planned the entire thing behind your back." The sound she lets out is half sigh, half laughter. "It is an affliction, I'm afraid, being this tactical. I cannot think of another way to be."
Kit let out a small shrug, "Those of us raised to be perfect ladies do not get to have hobbies - we have accomplishments instead. My governess taught me to draw, and sing, and play piano - all with the intention of being displayed, rather than finding joy or purpose. I think now I rather hate them all. But dancing I have always loved, even when they were trying to train me to focus only on how to best display my posture while on the dance floor, I could not be convinced to find anything but joy in it."
Shaking her head, she let out a genuine sigh, "The only country I have seen other than England is Wales, and only because it is just over the border from our Shrewsbury estate. Otherwise, I think the furthest I have traveled is York"