To whom it may concern
I've been talking a lot to myself lately, sometimes inside my head, and sometimes out loud when I'm by myself like right now. And almost always, I only have one topic I tirelessly go through, and that is about a friend (who I don't know if still is a friend) living free in my apartment, which I completely allowed her to, cause she was a really good friend then. And in a matter of one year and some few months, she has completely transformed into a stranger I could hardly be comfortable being around with. She has become a difficult person to have normal conversations with and not come off awkward. It is true that I am not a very sociable person, especially if the other person I have to make social interactions with is not very pleasing and just really difficult. So as much as I possibly can, I avoid being in her presence, no eye contacts no conversations no nothing. For you to understand where I am coming, would be a story for another post I guess. I am just completely amazed by how much she is just spending her days watching whatever she can on her laptop, going through every single post on Facebook or her instagram (and if I have to be completely honest with my bitter feelings, she never even had the time to like my posts despite having 24/7 uninterrupted access to all the different kinds of social media.
I hear from her live-in partner, that she is looking for work, but for how long is she planning to just look for work. I have heard so many people already getting jobs everywhere in here, the country has already started to return back to the precovid workforce. Of course, we are still in the pandemic period, covid is still there and we are already living in the new normal standards, so economically speaking, a lot of the business have lost a lot of money and so salaries wouldn't be as good as they were. A mechanic friend knew about her situation, our common friend, said that she is not losing by taking a job that pays over 800 dollars a month, cause she is coming from zero income. And on top of that, she is not going to pay any monthly bills, cause that's all covered by my salary package, all you have to worry about is food expense that you actually share with your partner.. at least, that would cover your visa renewal fees every 3 or 4 months! I just feel like she is taking a lot of opportunities for granted.. it is such a waste that a lot of people are trying to help her, and she's not really doing much to get out of the rut that she got herself into.
I remember our boss was telling her to get a college degree when we were still working together in the same company. Apparently, our company had implemented these new rules, that they were only retaining all those who finished college and has a degree, unfortunately, she only finished a two year course I think. Not that I am looking down on her, but that itself was partly her fault. Our boss already warned her and she somehow didn't have time to do so? I don't know I'm the one getting frustrated with her situation, I feel like this shouldn't be my problem but somehow, they make it seem like it? Cause from what I heard, I am sort of being blamed for deciding to live closer to my workplace and now they couldn't live with me because it's gonna be very far from the city. I really could go on and on about my rants, and I am getting tired of doing it again and again inside my head. And I end up saying to myself if this is really my fault? Am I making their life difficult because I couldn't share my apartment with them anymore? Am I selfish? What is the point that actually says I am being selfish with the actions I am taking?
My living situation here is bit tiring and not relaxing.. I am supposed to feel relaxed at home. Not trying to always make other people feel they are being served and satisfied with everything I do and decide to do. So, done with the rants tonight, I shall rant again tomorrow.
Love
