If you don't hear from me within the next 24 hours, the children have taken me hostage. Please send the authorities. Also, the letter "L" seems to have gone missing. #momproblems #pleasebringwine

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@thisholmeshouse
If you don't hear from me within the next 24 hours, the children have taken me hostage. Please send the authorities. Also, the letter "L" seems to have gone missing. #momproblems #pleasebringwine

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i love this man.
This morning began with a slew of text messages from my mother, who has an enormous tendency to over react, blow things out of proportion, and plain ol be a drama queen. The messages, in short, were her lighting a fire under my ass to call my god father. My god father has been battling AIDS since before I was even born. that's about 30+ years of this amazing man winning a losing battle. In my life, he has been everything. Standing in where my own father was absent in life and in death - girl scout and school events where it was daddy daughter whatever, he was the first to comfort me and stand by my side when my dad passed. He walked me down the isle at my wedding. He was the first person to call me after each baby announcement, birth, and so on and so forth. So, for all intents and purpose, he's my dad. And I love him. John has been in and out of the hospital since thanksgiving. Obviously given his circumstances, he has had serious health scares before, but now its real. I called his husband (yes. HIS HUSBAND, my two gay dads) this morning and had a long chat that I just haven't even got the words for. In short, when he leaves the hospital today, the expectation is that he will only keep getting worse, much worse, day by day, and the reality is, he may only have weeks left with us. It was expressed to me that i needed to speak with John. That he desperately wanted to talk to me and we needed to nail each other down. Given the time difference, my kid schedule, and his resting, john and i have been playing a LOT of phone tag. A couple of hours later, john returned my phone call from earlier in the morning. He sounded great! What the hell were these two hens getting their panties in a twist over! No more than a few minutes pass by before it is painfully clear, from 2,500 miles away that nothing is alright. His voice diminished, his breath all of a sudden became short and labored, but he just wanted to keep talking. So I let him. He didn't want to talk about himself or his situation. He just wanted to know what i was doing, how the babies were, and how C is coping with the latest unfortunate news in production. In no way shape or form did he mention, insinuate, or even acknowledge the severity of what was going on. Hey. If you need a little sunshine in your day; a few minutes not to think about it, be bombarded with questions, doctors, nurses, what ifs and so forth, I will oblige. I will fight back my questions, fear and confusion, to hear you laugh about my latest insignificant debacle in child rearing. Of course, i couldn't go on too long with out one of the kids harassing me to get off of the phone. He said he should let me go, and he will call me tomorrow after he's settled back in at home. While saying our see ya laters, he stopped me to say "i just want you to know that you are always in my heart, and i love you so very very much". I have seen this man cry twice in my life, and this end to a phone call had him choked up and fighting emotion. We say i love you all the time, but this was different. Im left now in Atlanta, while he is at home in Los Angeles. I can't go to him very easily to hug or comfort him. I can't even make sense of the whole thing. My mother and his husband lead me to believe there may only be weeks left. His demeanor and attitude tells me otherwise - that he's not ready to give up just yet. My gut tells me it may not be up to him. At the end of the day, John has lived an amazing life. Filled with traveling, friends and family, countless personal and professional accomplishments... Just so full of everything anyone could want, really. No matter the immediate outcome, I am relieved that he will be at home to relax and take in everything in his life that he has worked so hard for. My heart hurts, but its also so filled with love and admiration that i can't feel anything but relief. No matter what takes place in the next few weeks, it is what is supposed to happen. He will live to fight another day, or he will be relieved of all that ails him. At least that's what im going to tell myself to keep my chin up. he's doing it. So will I.
Sooooo the whole Atlanta snow storm shut down thing? Its been real. Really really real. I dont even want to talk about it anymore, other than to say that we left our house yesterday for the first time since Monday and Ive spent a GREAT deal of time worrying about C who was stuck for hours on the freeways. The end.
It's been a while....
Been a while since I've posted. Been a few months I think? In any case. I'm still alive. Barely.
Back in November, C was laid off. Everyone in production was, actually. Turns out when your lead actor is no longer available due to unfortunate and unforseen events, you have to stop and re group. This equated to my having a large man child to care for, for the duration... A scary couple of months where our financial future was very uncertain. We weren't prepared to go on the usual holiday hiatus. That wasn't what was supposed to have happened. Just goes to prove, what we already know about this business is you can't plan anything.
Thankfully, C's reputation preceded him, and another big production was chomping at the bit to get their hands on him. We just had to wait out the holidays and sit tight for them to pick back up. As of the last couple of weeks, he is now back to work and we are back to our regularly scheduled program. And the dreaded 7 day work week. My god it's like groundhog day over here all over again.
With a little bit of my time back, I'm looking forward to trying to post more often again. The boys are getting so big and into more trouble. My new years resolutions have me by the balls and I'm really proud of myself (thus far)... 2014 is looking so uncertain on so many levels, but one thing that means, is writing material. Stay tuned.
And just when I thought C and I were in a "who are you????!" rut, he makes a Doug reference. <3

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Missing out.
Another slew of firsts have come and gone, and poor C has missed out on them... He's working another 7 day week and no ones happy about it.
H had his first trick or treating experience, and M, his first Halloween. C ended up having to work late that night and missed seeing the boys in their costumes. Le sigh.
Yesterday, Saturday, the boys and I went to a pow wow at Stone Mountain GA, where little Mr. H put on quite the dance performance, un provoked, in front of bleachers full of people. That guy stole the show from the tribal dancers. What can I say? He loves a good drum beat. C missed out on that too. Good thing I took video....
Today the boys and I went shopping for family photo outfits. C had to work, so he's stuck with what I've selected for him. Fingers crossed he's available next weekend for pictures! I'm strongly considering getting a fathead made to use as a stand in for just such an emergency.
I feel very sad and sorry for him. These are exactly the kinds of things his dad missed out on, that he so wants to be available for, which is why we do what we do. He's the hardest working guy I know, it's awful not to be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Not much I can do about it. Just document and record it for posterity. Poor dad. Poor boys. Poor mama. We all need a break!
This Halloween candy business is out of control. Two large bags have been sitting in my kitchen for hours now and remain unopened. Surely this must be some kind of record.
Sooo it's gonna be like that today, huh guys? #kids #moreplease #hurry
Dont sweat the petty stuff, and dont pet the sweaty stuff.
Its our anniversary today.
C and I have been together 7 years and married for 3 of those. If you've ever known a couple not to go through some dramatics during a move, imagine having to do it twice a year. Then add a couple of kids to it. The 7 year total is a pretty serious accomplishment.
I just learned, like, last night that when my marriage is concerned, I need to RELAX. I have a tendency to over think, over analyze, over plan and just over god damm do it. Wait wait wait. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Thats what makes me tick, isn't it? If i don't plan to a fault, who will?! Ugh. Theres got to be a happy medium.
Maybe I have been slowly letting go of my tendency?
I mean, we've gotten this far, right? Lets be frank, the constant uprooting, starting over by yourself, ungodly working hours- adding the stresses of a mortgage and children I find really very minimal. As crazy as that sounds... To me it sounds as though I've just found some comfortability with this circus. Still, I have the same housewife problems, gripes and annoyances as the next lady; and i haaaaaaaate them!!!!!!!!!! Stomp my feet and bitch and moan to no one listening, hate them. Its probably taking years off of my life.
So, in an effort to try to save some sanity here... I resolve to allow the clothes next to and not in the laundry basket slide, the cap on the toothpaste; you were leaving it open for me. That only used once towel on the bathroom floor? Hey, man, you're just putting your name on it for tomorrows shower, ill hang it in your closet. Your anxiety and hesitation over taking the kids out to eat or any other outing because they might cry or throw a tantrum? You are just unfamiliar with how to deal.
I got this.

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True story. Especially in my case. Would involve sending for out of town relatives.
Day 21 and counting.
When getting ready to start filming and deadlines approach that must be met, C's schedule can be compared to slave labor. But with infinitely better pay.
He's been working 7 day weeks for several weeks now, and I just got a text letting me know it'll be another (the third in a row) late night, and I shouldn't wait up. No breaks for him, means no breaks for me... And by break, I mean, being able to hand someone a kid and say "here, hold this, I have to pee". Keep in mind, were on location. No family or friends close by to help catch a break, and to hell if I've found a sitter yet.
The light at the end of the tunnel? I joined the local gym. Theyve got daycare (which H refused to leave when we toured the other day), a Jacuzzi and a sauna. Oh and exercise equipment. Gotta lose this baby weight!
This trip doesn't stand a chance at being an enjoyable one for me if his schedule keeps up like this for much longer. With the holidays fast approaching, I've got to get creative to keep it positive where I tend to get home sick. I knew what I was getting myself into, now and when I married him, but fuckin A, it can be a rough go from time to time.
The last couple of months have been pushers, it's time to start pushing back.
One of my biggest problems with traveling.... Being away from home around the holidays (and away from my holiday stuff) Here are my sad little fall decorations. However, big shout out to target for giving me the opportunity to get "crafty" during nap time, with only a $5 commitment, and little to no actuall effort. Please excuse the mess. My house was clean, and then my kids woke up.

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You will probably never find a more correct way to interpret this job. Though, if I didnt take the time to text, call or email anyone, the most adult interaction I would get would be the cashier at the grocery...