messylife ⁞ messyblog

i know i am extremely emotional and always sad. about everything. all the time. i know nothing else.

i miss tumblr so much. i hate that my laptop broke down and that i still can't afford a new one. i also wish being on here was easier

you can go ahead and call me petty or whatever it is you want, i don't even care, but i'm seriously so fucking tired of being unlucky even in what are supposed to be lucky situations, i really can't have just one win to enjoy. i know we all want to be parading around being all high on faked humbleness and sympathy but i honestly refuse to because that's just not me and tbh, fuck it, because we are all allowed to be selfish and greedy and get petty and jealous over someone else's good luck sometimes and we don't have to pretend we're fucking happy about it as if it isn't making us miserable. to clear things up, i don't mean to say you can't be happy for them if you're frustrated about it at the same time, i think both are valid feelings and that it is okay for them the coexist for the same reason. i just hate that it is implied we have to celebrate everyone's achievements and ignore if your heart is not a hundred per cent in it or else be prepared to be hated on for it. i also think it is okay to feel unlucky because something could be better or closer to what you hoped for and it isn't, even if that one thing itself is a good thing already, without being labeled as ungrateful or even mean towards someone. so now that i've said that, yeah, i am incredibly frustrated because something wasn't as good as it could've been and it bums me to see people getting more and better and it makes me upset and that's just it

turns out seeing bts live does not equal being more willing to live. what a surprise. nevertheless, 29hrs later and i am still trying to let it sink in that i even got the chance to see them. fucking surreal how life works. there's so much going on in my head about it. i got to check it off my bucket list and that is a lot tbh. will never be over how these men can make me feel; i undoubtedly love them a whole bunch and i'm gonna leave it at that