Things I Didn't Learn In Library School

“Do you have any eclipse glasses?”

When people complain about the worth of their summer reading club prizes

A patron asked about a Banned Books Week display. Staff member explained the purpose of highlighting challenged materials in an effort to promote the freedom to read. Patron: “I tried to get you guys to ban a movie but you wouldn’t do it.” *disappointed face*

When a patron gives you a religious tract as a “thank you” for helping her.

“Hi, I need a book on how to love older women for young husbands. [5 second pause] This woman [points to blonde in a magazine] looks just like Ronald McDonald’s wife. Why don’t we ever see her? Ronald is always just sitting on a bench by himself.”

When a patron lectures me on the dangers of the internet and mansplains objectification of women to me.

When the library has been open for 30 minutes and all of your all-star problematic patrons are here.

Is it Friday yet?

When a patron freaks out because the email they sent didn’t go through and they want to blame me for it.

When a patron calls you a liar after you answer their reference question.

When a patron tries to hide the damage done to library materials.

When the library is (for once) blessedly silent and someone keeps farting.

When you don’t have to work the weekend.